


Lights Off, Don't Stop

by t0bemadeofglass



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Anonymity, Anonymity Play, BDSM, BDSM Scene, BDSM education, Blindfolds, Bondage and Discipline, Chains, Chapter Fifteen Warning, Chapter Warning: Ch. 23, Chastity Device, Choking, Cock & Ball Torture, Cock Cages, Communication is hard, Consensual Kink, Contracted BDSM, Deepthroating, Dominant Kylo Ren, Exhibitionism, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/F, F/M, Femslash, Gags, Genital Torture, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Injury, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Lack of Communication, Masturbation, Mentioned Abuse, Multiple Pairings, Oral Sex, Orgasm Control, Pain, Past Abuse, Porn With Plot, Potential Bloodplay, Potential non-con, Praise Kink, Pre-Relationship, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey needs a teacher, Riding Crops, Rope Bondage, Rough Oral Sex, Safe Sane and Consensual, Spanking, Squirting, Strap-Ons, Submissive Rey (Star Wars), Teaching, Vaginal Fingering, Vibrators, Voyeurism, kink clubs, lack of aftercare
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-04 10:51:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 65,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14018685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t0bemadeofglass/pseuds/t0bemadeofglass
Summary: "Rey couldn’t begin to imagine trusting someone so much, but she burned to try."--Finn swore up and down that this would be the easiest money Rey ever made, that temping as a server for the ritzy event was a couple hours of work for more than enough pay, and studio apartments on Rey's side of town aren't cheap. What she finds is far more than she could've ever imagined, however. Drawn into the glitz and the glamor of the Skywalker mansion, Rey witnesses an event like nothing she's ever seen before. Now, simply watching isn't enough. Something inside of her has been awakened, and she's in need of someone to show her just how to belong in a world she's desperate to be a part of.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [selinakyle47](https://archiveofourown.org/users/selinakyle47/gifts).



> And . . . I'm back. With another fic. This story comes courtesy of the amazing selinakyle47, who's a darling and let me play with her beautiful brain child of an idea. While this story will revolve primarily around sex in a formal BDSM setting, it's going to be an exercise in slow-ish burn as far as Ben and Rey are concerned, which . . . is going to be weird for me. But the story dictates, and I am nothing if not willing to try something new! So! Strap in, thanks so much for stopping by, and let me know what you think about it! I live for comments.

It’d taken Rey all of five minutes to feel as though she’d come entirely to the wrong place, that the Uber driver had brought her to the wrong building. More than just that: she might as well have landed in the wrong galaxy. Finn had gotten her into the same waiting gig that he had on the weekends, one that paid all cash and didn’t bother asking questions so long as those they hired honored the same idea. He’d pressed that idea upon her, repeating it until she assured him that he didn’t have to worry. She wouldn’t talk, she wouldn’t dare say anything that might jeopardize either of their jobs.

At first Rey couldn’t understand why. Though Finn swore up and down that what he was doing wasn’t _illegal_ , she couldn’t comprehend why it was that an establishment would be so rooted in secrecy if they weren’t smuggling drugs or . . . or something worse.

The NDA she signed at the beginning of the evening, after they’d pulled up to an enormous, three story mansion, had her second guessing herself, but Finn’s assured grin promised that everything would be alright as they worked their way around the grand room. Everyone around them was dressed in what Rey could only guess was some sort of mutual fashion, decked out in leathers, in mesh, fishnets, and near all of it black in color. There was the occasional pastel dress every so often, paired with long socks and pigtails that made Rey's stomach twist, but aside from that, at least she fit in with her all black blouse and trousers. 

A hush fell over the assembled group, and Rey turned to see what the commotion was about. She watched two women step out onto the raised stage near the very back of the large room, just feet away from where she herself stood, craning her neck as the group began to draw closer. The shorter of the two led the other by a leash,  and with a swallowed gasp Rey thought she started to understand. The shorter woman carried herself with a poise that made Rey certain her eyes were tricking her about her height. Dark hair, striped with grey, was knotted elegantly atop her head, every strand in its place, and even from where Rey was standing she knew this was not a woman to cross. Just behind her, the woman on the lead was a good half a foot taller, but she kept her shoulders and head bowed, her lithe body covered in nothing but black mesh, aside from the leather that kept her within an arm's reach. The only scrap of color was her amethyst hair, perfectly curled to frame a slim jaw and thin lips.

An elbow against Rey’s side made her nearly drop her chrome platter of petit fours on the marble floor, and her cheeks bled pink as she turned to see Finn grinning at her. “Don’t stare, peanut,” he murmured just loud enough for her to hear, his own platter of champagne flutes balanced perfectly on his right palm. “They’ll start to think it’s your first time in a kink club.”

But it was, and Rey’s blood very nearly burned her alive as she watched the couple begin to go through some sort of routine. An exhibition, of sorts, for the crowd that had gathered stared just as intently as Rey. The shorter woman carried the attention as though she was born to do so, and Rey couldn’t help but lean in closer to try and hear her soft words to her partner. Her posture showed only her total confidence, and adoration that Rey caught when she managed to catch her face in profile. The same affection was mirrored tenfold up at her from the woman she still held onto, now on her knees, smiling up at her as though the woman before her was the second coming of Jesus.

 

Rey couldn’t begin to imagine trusting someone so much, but she burned to try.

 

The pay had been more than worth her silence about what exactly it was she’d seen that night, and though she’d done her absolute best to try and be attentive and mindful of those partygoers around her, she couldn’t help but stare at exhibition after exhibition. Men and women, of varying age, race, and size, paired in every way Rey could imagine, had come to the stage to show what they could do, to prove that they belonged in a world Rey had never dreamed existed until that night. She’d very nearly tripped and splattered a whole platter of caprese bites on a sulking, tall man who’d scoffed and glowered at her when she barely recovered in time to keep from ruining what must’ve been an expensive suit, but he passed her by and allowed her to watch more closely at the two men on the stage going through the motions of some sort of obedience lesson. The one who was clearly the submissive, Rey had learned from the murmuring crowd, was putting up a bit of a fight, mouthing off where he wasn’t supposed to, or else not listening and following orders through entirely. It resulted in being thrown over his dominant’s leg and spanked with a crop until he sobbed, cock hard and leaking against his dominant’s dress pants. Rey had had to press her legs tight together at the scene, air difficult to come by.

 

She’d replayed the image over and over in her head as she’d helped with cleanup, as she’d counted the stacks of twenties she and the other servers were to split up by the end of the night, as she’d counted her own smaller but still substantial take home.

 

“Where in the hell did you learn about that place?” Rey asked Finn over ramen afterwards, needing some sort of food to settle her stomach for the night. Her eyes focused on the way that his cheeks dimpled when he grinned, how his eyes brightened.

“So I take it you liked it.”

She felt her face heat up and rubbed a cheek to try and give herself time to think of how to explain herself. “I mean. It was interesting, yeah. What makes you say that I liked it?”

“Well, you didn’t run away screaming when the one couple pulled out the cat o nine tails.”

No, she hadn’t, though the whimpers and cries of pain that the man had shrieked had made her skin prickle and her eyes water out of almost sympathy. Never once did he ask to stop, however, and Rey . . . Rey couldn’t blame him. What did that say about him, about _her_? “You’re avoiding the question, Storm.”

“You’re asking the awkward ones, Jakku.”

She snorted, shaking her head and twirling her noodles around her chopsticks. “Yeah. I liked it. It was really interesting to watch. Do they do that sort of party often?” Would she be able to go back? The man who’d set everything up had called her kid and winked as he’d paid her, his rough smirk one that told her he could read her like a coloring book. She took that to mean she’d done at least a half decent job.

“Once a month I get called to wait for them. That’s when they have their big shindigs. But I’m told they do smaller, more intimate ones every other week, too. Still, we won’t be going back there for a little bit, but there are other parties that you can serve at if you want to keep doing it in the meanwhile. I make sure I always work for the Organa House before picking anything else. They pay the best.”

They had the most to lose, Rey guessed, if they didn’t. Finn took her silence as interest in learning more, expounding on the different other venues he’d worked for, though none were as interesting or intriguing as the one they’d just left. Still, they helped to bridge the gap when rent was constantly increasing. Rey listened, money pocketed and leaning on her palm as she tried not to let the soothing sound of his voice lull her to sleep. She was fed, she was paid, and her mind felt heavy with the ideas and scenes she’d just seen before her. Almost subconsciously, her legs pressed together under the table, and it was only after stifling a small yawn that she realized getting home sooner, rather than later, was the best bet.

Finn walked her to her apartment, where he’d parked his car, and after hugging him goodbye she all but raced up to her home. The studio was less than 600 square feet, a postage stamp, and far more than she’d ever thought to pay for a one bedroom, but as she stripped her one good blouse and black slacks at the door in her haste to get undressed, she realized she wouldn’t have traded out the privacy for anything. She left her clothes hanging over the back of the chair, and slipping out of her socks in the hallway, and all but diving into bed. Out of habit, she reached underneath for her vibrator, plugging it in just beside her bed and slipping off her panties with her free hand. The scent of her arousal stained the air, Rey far wetter than she could remember being in . . . quite awhile. The wand, a gift to herself for finally moving out, hummed in her hand as she slid it between her thighs, teasing the edges of her cunt as her skin pebbled at the touch of the cold plastic against her warm skin. Was it always this hot in her apartment? Absently, her free hand brushed against her left breast, teasing her nipple until it peaked, before reaching over to do the same to the right. As she closed her eyes, one of the scenes from earlier that evening played back in her head. The man on the dias had a girl far younger than him laid out before the crowd, her body propped up on a foam wedge so that they could see everything that was going on. Her master, as she’d called him, had her arms bound above her head, and rope over almost every inch of her body, separating her breasts, pressing tightly into the skin, and binding her thighs up against her waist and torso, exposing her most private parts to everyone else.

_“Look how badly you want this. You’re dripping for everyone here.”_

Slowly, her master had rubbed her clit with his thumb, alternating pressure given the intensity of the whines that left her, color rising in her cheeks as she stared intently up at him. Rey had watched, trying not to let her jaw drop, as the man had kept up eye contact the whole time, his enormous hand spreading her cunt wide with his fingers, before slipping one, then a second, inside of her. His voice was reassuring the whole while, just loud enough for Rey to hear, as he urged her to relax, to just surrender herself and feel. Her eyes had fluttered and her toes had curled, hips rolling in response to the slow thrusting of his fingers in, then out, of her. His thumb never quickened its pace on her clit, even as she begged him for more, wailing when he refused. All it took was a single look, a quick slap of his hand against her cunt, and it had her silenced a moment later.

 _“Don’t whine, pet,”_ he’d said, voice brokering no alternative option, leaving the girl beneath him to shut her mouth with a cut off whimper and nod. Only when her breathing had slowed to normal did he return to his actions, rubbing her clit in counterclockwise, then clockwise, motions, speeding up as her breathing grew more labored and a flush had curled down her neck and chest. Alone, in her closet sized bedroom, the image echoed behind her closed eyes. 

_“That’s it. Surrender yourself to me. I’m going to take such good care of you.”_

Rey whimpered now, playing back the man’s voice in her ears, as she circled her vibrator teasingly around her clit, trying to imagine another’s bigger, stronger hand controlling the toy, denying her outright sensation and friction to eke out the pleasure a little longer.

_“Do you want more, pet?”_

“Please,” she whimpered, and in her mind another man’s lips played against her ear, egging her on, promising her that she could come as soon as she was a good girl for him. Her mouth went dry, her eyes squeezed shut, and when she felt as though she might combust she imagined him telling her that she could come.

_“Show me how much you love this.”_

Lights flashed behind her eyelids, blinding her even as she opened her eyes to stare up at the ceiling, whole body rocking in slow, jerking motions as she felt her chest cave in on itself. Fuck! Her every inch of skin felt as though it were on fire, desperate and burning for more as she switched the toy off and laid it down beside her. Slowly, she shifted on the covers of her bed, and moved to turn on the fan just beside her, needing not only to cool off, but desperate for the sound to block out how positively _lonely_ it was without anyone else there. For a moment she’d been expecting a warm, gentle hand to run its fingers down her arms, her torso, breasts, cunt, to praise her for doing so well, and the absence weighed heavier on her chest than she’d expected.

 

Now that she knew what she wanted, how could she ever be content with anything else?

 

She’d laid in bed for upwards of a half an hour before she finally pulled her phone to her and turned over onto her side, away from the fan. Opening up her browser, she tapped in the address that they’d been to that night, pulling up a variety of information about the building, how long it’d been there, the square footage--but nothing she needed to know. Frowning, she backed out and scrolled through the other results. There was a piece about the owner, Leia Organa, and the passing of her father as he’d left the estate to her and her twin brother, but it was ancient, an archived article that had nothing to do with what Rey was looking for. Another article talked about Leia Organa-Solo giving birth to a son, but again that was a couple decades ago.

Nothing about the activities that she’d witnessed that night. The NDA she’d signed that morning reminded her that she was an idiot for even thinking there might be something online. Frustrated, she threw her phone to the side of the bed and turned again, struggling to pull her mind together, to find a solid train of thought to latch onto.

Going back. She had to go back, had to speak with Leia, to find a way to get in, and be a part of something that was far larger than she was. It was with that in mind that she finally found peace, settling in for the night with one arm wrapped around her waist, pretending it belonged to someone else, to someone who wanted her.

For once her dreams didn’t haunt her. For once she slept through the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, your reaction to this fic has me completely floored. Thank you all so much for subscribing, for commenting, kudo'ing, for giving this a shot. You're all wonderful, exceptionally amazing people, and I'm so grateful for your readership. I'm not used to this sort of slow-ish burn . . . despite the obvious smut we had at the beginning haha it's slow burn in the sense that Kylo/Ben and Rey aren't together for a bit of time, so all of your feedback really helps to motivate me to write more and get us to those wonderful scenes with them (because I'm promise: they're coming ~ba dum tiss~)
> 
> Also if you're following any of my other works: triple update day! Woo!

She found herself back outside the house the very next day, rubbing her sweaty hands on her jeans, wishing she had something more impressive to wear as she presented her case to Leia Organa, but not wanting to look like she was there to work, too. The flats, jeans, and relatively simple blue tank top would have to do as she stepped closer to knock on the door. She heard the sound reverberate through the enormous home before her, and felt goosebumps rise on her arms and back of her neck as she tried not to let the hollow, resounding knock make her heart speed up. 

Footsteps, then the door was opening and Rey was face to face with the man who’d paid her last night. She blinked quickly. Of course, she was a fool to think that Leia would open her own doors. Her tongue went swollen inside her mouth, stuck against her teeth as the scruffy haired man looked down at her. 

“Yeah, kid?” 

“Uh. Is Leia--Is Ms. Organa around?” 

“If you’ve got an issue with payment, it was covered before you even stepped through the door, and you can take it up with me.” 

What? Her eyes widened. “No! No, it’s not that I swear. I’m more than happy--.” 

“Then what is it you want with Leia?” 

Rey swallowed with some difficulty, wetting her lips and feeling her cheeks blush. The man in front of her gave a dry sort of laugh. 

“You have some kind of crush on her?” 

Well . . . no? She shook her head. “I just--last night’s exhibition. Party. I want to know how to get in. How to do that.” 

The man’s eyebrows shot up on his face. Whatever it was he’d been expecting, that clearly wasn’t it. “You sure don’t look like a dom.” 

Again, Rey shook her head and felt the blush deepen. Well, at least there would be no mistaking that. She had to be assertive over everything else in her life: her schooling, her money and job, her landlord to make sure he wasn’t screwing her over. “That’s not what I want.” 

That brought a smile to his face, and he reached over to clap her on the shoulder with such force that it nearly made Rey’s legs shake. She steeled herself as best she could, and forced herself to look up at him. “Alright. I’m pretty sure I heard her back in the study. C’mon in. You got a name?” 

“Rey.”

“Just that?” 

She nodded. He extended a hand. “Han. C’mon in, kid. We’ll get you sorted out in no time.” 

 

From the way the mansion had been built and decorated, Rey would’ve never thought anything was out of the ordinary. She was led into a small antechamber outside of what, she presumed, was a study, and told that Leia would be finishing up shortly. Han had taken a look at her and offered her something to eat, but she’d declined after thanking him. She was far too nervous to eat, too anxious to do anything besides pace, really. Han had excused himself to the garage, in case she needed him, and she’d been left to her own devices. 

If she focused hard enough she could hear the conversation from the other room, and so tried to occupy herself with her phone, scrolling through her news feed even as she felt her heart pick up as the voices rose in volume. Well, one voice rose, the male one. She swore she’d be able to hear him even if she wasn’t right next door, and winced as she eyed the door to the study. 

Maybe if she knocked--? But no, Han had already told Leia that she was waiting, so that meant whomever was inside didn’t care. 

Whomever turned out to be a black haired man, taller than Rey by a good half a foot, who stormed out of the study and slammed the door shut behind him. He stared, taken aback, by Rey’s presence, before scowling and stomping his way out of the second room as well, the second door behind him shutting hard enough to make Rey wince. 

“You’ll have to forgive the delay in my seeing you,” said a voice from behind where Rey was looking, sounding equal parts tired and apologetic all at once. “That was a meeting I’m afraid couldn’t wait.” 

Rey turned back to find herself face to face with Leia, the very same woman who’d started last night off, and felt her brain short circuit. She seemed taller in person, though perhaps it was the confidence she carried herself with that made it so, and now that she wasn’t draped entirely in black she seemed . . . approachable. A great deal more so than before. She’d looked like a goddess yesterday, come down to earth for the evening to entertain herself amongst the mortals. Now, slightly anxious as Rey was, at least she didn’t look as though she could roast Rey alive where she stood. 

“Oh, it’s not a problem. I didn’t know how to contact you, your number--. Well. Obviously, it’s not publicly listed,” Rey said,wishing she had something a little bit more interesting to say. 

Leia’s smile was kind, at least, and she beckoned Rey to follow her back into her study. She closed the door behind them, before gesturing for Rey to take a seat opposite her own. Her fingers steepled on her lap as she stared across at Rey, perched on the very corner of her seat and trying not to squirm too much, trying not to show just how nervous she really was. She hadn’t thought about her request all that much, so when Leia asked what it was she could do, Rey was admittedly at a loss for words. To Leia’s credit, she didn’t rush her, just waited patiently for Rey to finish fidgeting with her hands, and to look up finally at the woman in front of her. 

Wetting her lips, Rey began. “I came to your exhibition last night. I was one of the staff helping to serve--a server.” God, why was this so difficult? “And I’ve never seen anything like that before. Never . . . never knew it existed, really. Well, not outside of shitty books, I mean.” 

Leia’s laugh was one of the best sounds that Rey thought she’d ever heard, melodic and light, bemused without being too forced or airy. It filled her chest with a sort of warmth she wasn’t familiar with. Right. “You can say that again.” 

Rey grinned, emboldened by Leia’s reaction. “So. I guess, what I’m here to ask is: how do I join? Is there a waiting list, or some sort of test I have to take before I can--can have a dom? Or be paired with one, I guess. Or do you have to find your own?” Her stomach fluttered at that. What if she did? What if it was a bring-your-own-dom/sub sort of situation, and she didn’t have one? After getting her hopes so high, she didn’t know if she’d be able to stand Leia telling her no. “Would you--would you be my dom?” 

She sounded half terrified, and was proud about that. Truthfully, she was doing everything she could to keep from trembling, anxiety ripping through her veins as she stared at Leia’s surprised, almost stricken looking face. Shit. Had she said the wrong thing? Had she offended her? She opened her mouth to apologize, to beg forgiveness and not to be thrown out of the house, when again Leia laughed in her surprise. 

“Oh, my darling. Rey, isn’t it?” 

She nodded. Well, that didn’t sound like she’d be thrown out. 

“Rey, I’m flattered. You’re a beautiful young woman, but I’m not looking to take any more submissives at this time. I have Amilyn, and she’s more than enough to keep me busy.” She winked, making Rey’s heart speed up. Oh. “And I will tell you this is a most . . . unconventional application to our organization. Usually we require references. Documentation of previous dominants or submissives you may know, so that we have background knowledge to determine whether or not you’ll be a good fit for any of our singles.”

God, when did it start sounding like it was a dating website? Rey had, admittedly, checked out fetlife in the strange hours between sleeping and waking. While it’d been enlightening in the most basic of aspects, it certainly wasn’t what she was looking for. What she found there had a strange edge to it, nothing like what she’d witnessed the night before. Where she’d seen compassion and a real sense of trust, those online had seemed hard. Borderline, painfully cruel. She wasn’t interested in pain for pain’s sake, but in the release of trusting someone else enough to jump when they told her to. Something told her she wouldn’t find that on a traditional dating website. 

No, Leia’s particular brand of BDSM was all she was interested in, or else she wouldn’t have worked up the courage to show up. 

“So, what happens if I don’t have any of those?” Rey asked, wishing her voice wasn’t so small, and that her fear wasn’t so large. What if they didn’t need her, or didn’t  _ want  _ her? She wasn’t so positive that the disappointment wouldn’t crush her, but already idea of turning it around rushed through her head. Maybe she would have to join a dating site, get some practice. Learn something. If it meant finding her place, finding  _ a  _ place to belong, it would be worth it. 

Leia’s gaze softened considerably, and she reached over to squeeze Rey’s hand gently. Rey tried not to jump in surprise at the contact, her eyes wide as she stared up at her. 

“Then we have different ways of measuring that, my dear. If this is something you want, you are wholeheartedly interested in, then we will find a way of partnering you up. It won’t be as easy, there’ll be changes for you to adapt to, but it will happen.” 

Rey could’ve kissed her, her heart jumping practically through her throat as she croaked the most heartfelt thank you she could manage, Leia reached over to the side of her desk and pulled out a couple of different questionnaires, offering them to Rey with a pen. “Circle what are hard, soft, and negotiable limits to you. If you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask me rather than to look them up. The Internet is an excellent tool, but I’d hate for something to scare you off because you looked at the most extreme case scenario.” 

Given that the first item on the paper was  _ anal plugs  _ Rey couldn’t help but grin, thanking her softly and pulling her legs up into the chair as she slowly worked her way through the questions. There was likely a great deal of this that would’ve made more sense if she was better versed in what exactly it was that BDSM entailed, in all of its vastness, but she worked through what she knew, and asked questions where she didn’t. When she’d finished and handed it back to Leia, she tried not to fidget too much as she watched the woman read over Rey’s results. Every so often her brow would crease, and she’d look up at Rey as though to ask that she was  _ certain  _ her answers were valid, and every time Rey would feel her cheeks heat up, certain she knew which ones that Leia was surprised at. 

_ Age play. Live in submissive. Public use. Whipping. Sensory deprivation. Asphyxiation.  _

Certainly they weren’t the most conventional, but they did interest her, and she wasn’t afraid to try new things. She wouldn’t be there if she was. Leia didn’t need to say a thing as she leaned back in her chair and set the list down, folding her hands on her lap and closing her eyes. Rey resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably. Was what she’d written down okay? Was it too easy, or basic? Maybe they wouldn’t have anyone for her regardless, even after she’d finished up the paperwork. She tried not to think about that, that she was just  _ incompatible _ with anyone else, and instead focused on the other papers that had been given to her, the NDA chiefest among them. It was a little different than the one she’d signed when she’d agreed to wait for them, this one more permanent and binding, longer lasting than just one evening and the two weeks after it. She signed her name without hesitating, setting it back on the table, before she went through the rest. When all the paperwork was done and set down for Leia to finish looking over, Rey’s nerves were shot with anxiety. 

“Do you . . . do you have anyone that might be willing to teach me?” she asked, wishing her voice didn’t sound so nervous. So needy. She needed to remind herself that Leia was likely use to it, being a dominant herself, but it still didn’t necessarily help Rey’s case, she thought. Perhaps it would be showing backbone enough that she’d made it there at all. She let that idea warm her as she moved her legs and let her feet rest back on the floor. 

There was a long pause before Leia’s cheeks dimpled with a smile. “You know, Rey? I think I have just the person in mind.” 


	3. Chapter 3

Luke Skywalker wasn’t exactly what Rey had had in mind when she’d thought of a dominant. Firstly, though he lived just beside the mansion in a house all his own, he dressed as though he’d taken up permanent, hermetic residence in a cave on an island, all dark greys and long shirts that wouldn’t have been too out of place at Woodstock, or some other gathering of those more naturally inclined. His beard was unkempt, and while he was significantly older than Rey by at least twenty years, there was a certain curiosity in his gaze as he looked from his sister to Rey. 

“What’re you doing?” the question was directed at Leia, who just smiled and squeezed his shoulder. 

“Rey Jakku, might I present you to my brother, Luke Skywalker. Luke, Rey is interested in being taught how to be a submissive. I could think of no one better to teach her than you.” 

He looked, for all the world, as though he'd been punched in the gut, eyes blown wide and mouth hanging open as though he couldn't get enough air. Rey, unsure what exactly, proper protocol was for being introduced to a dominant, started to sink slowly to her knees. Better to show reverence, that she belonged, than to be cast out--. 

Leia caught her arm before she could go too far. “You don't need to my dear,” she said, her smile warm and just the slightest bit bemused. 

Luke looked like he might be sick. “Leia, you know I can't.” 

“Do I?” Leia asked, head tilted, expression hardening as she observed her twin, a fact Rey only knew from the internet. Like most everything else. “Just because it's been some time--.”

“Nearly five years.”

“Doesn't mean you've forgotten. Or you don't have anything to teach.” 

Luke’s lips curled downwards, his eyes narrowing as he stared at his sister. Rey tried not to look at either of them, not wanting to be caught in the middle, but certainly wishing they were at least discussing it as though she was present, not like she’d magically gone deaf to their argument. His gaze leveled on her a moment later and a short, sigh left his lips as the fight seemed to be from his bones. “Rey, is it?” 

She nodded, wetting her lips. “Yes. Sir.” 

His mouth twitched with what she might’ve considered to be a frown, a dismissive gesture she read into to mean he wasn’t all that pleased, and already the anxiety of doing everything wrong had begun to settle in. “Yeah. Sure.You’re positive you want this? Nice girl like you--shouldn’t you be married already? Or at least have a boyfriend who wouldn’t appreciate some old bastard touching his girl?” 

Her nose wrinkled in irritation, eyes narrowing, as she turned her gaze upwards to stare at him. He didn’t know the first thing about her, yet there he was making assumptions about her character. “No. I don’t have anyone else. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself and deciding which old bastards I want touching me, thanks much. And if Leia says you’re to be my--my dominant, then I trust her.” 

She could practically feel Leia beaming on the other side of her, a sense of warmth rocketing up her spine as Luke stared from her, to his sister, then back again. 

It wasn’t until he sighed that Rey realized Leia had won. 

 

His home was smaller, and gave the impression that it was something of a guest house that he’d decided to permanently live in. Why the hell not, Rey supposed, as she was led around the small home, from the kitchen to the living room, to the bedroom. Her heart pounded as they stepped inside--but it was nothing like what she’d imagined. Shitty romance novels had made her expect whips, chains, blindfolds, and maybe an occasional sex toy sitting around, ready to be used as soon as their master made up his mind as to what he wanted--but there was nothing remotely exciting about the plain flannel sheets, the piles of dirty clothes near the door, and a dresser with a couple of assorted boxes. What was worse was that he noticed her disappointment, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at her. 

“Not what you were thinking?” His tone was affronted, to say the least, and Rey hastened to make an apology before he waved it away. “You read too much. Or watch too much shitty movies if you think everything’s out in the open. I hope you do realize what you’ve gotten yourself into.” 

Did she? She bit her bottom lip, squaring her shoulders, and watched as the beginnings of mirth twisted the corners of his eyes upwards. “I read just enough to know that I’d be foolish to believe all of it,” she said, trying not to come off as bratty, but feeling as though she was floundering a little. She thought she saw Luke’s lips lift in a small smile, before he led her through the rest of the small house, culminating in them sitting down at the old kitchen table, Rey’s chair creaking anxiously beneath her. She tried not to focus on how her heart was pounding, wondering if this was going to be the moment when they finally discussed the elephant in the room. Why had Leia paired her up with Luke when it was clear he wanted nothing to do with it? 

As if he could read her mind, he sighed and pressed his palms flat on the table. “My sister has an odd sense of humor, I’ll give her that. As you heard, it’s been awhile since I’ve . . . trained anyone. It might take me awhile to get back into the swing of things.” 

Rey barely dared to hope that that meant he was actually accepting it, that he was going to go forward with her request, her eyes rising to meet his with surprise. “That’s okay,” she said after a moment. “Really. I’m a quick learner.” 

His expression faltered for a moment, and it was as if he wasn’t even looking at her, but rather stared through her. Stared at someone not there. Rey’s stomach dropped. Was that the wrong thing to say? “I’m a slow teacher,” he said after a moment, sighing and rubbing his face with his whole hand, his groan quiet. “Look--just. Why? Why do you want to be a submissive? Why don’t we start with that and . . . and go from there.” 

Rey wet her lips. How did she put it into words what she wanted? That she was looking for a place of belonging, and that she thought she saw that in this community? That belonging to someone, having someone take care of her, both emotionally and sexually, was about as perfect as it got? She wasn’t necessarily looking for something . . . like an actual relationship, but certainly something in the sense that she wanted someone to care after her. To give a damn. To surrender herself to the program and allow someone else to make the decisions for the first time in her life. 

It seemed a lot less intense than joining the army, and far more enjoyable in the long run that enlisting. Less binding, too, though the NDA that she’d been drafted still weighed heavily on her mind. Her hands twisted in front of her, her eyes searching anywhere but his own curious gaze, and with a deep breath she finally spoke. “There’s something . . . something inside of me that feels as though--as though this is where I’m supposed to be. Like I’m waking up when I never even knew I was sleeping to begin with. And--and I’m lost. I need someone to show me my place. In all of this.” 

Luke’s brow furrowed, and for a moment she thought he looked as though he understood exactly what it was she meant. She felt her heart leap. “All of this--as in the BDSM community? Or the world?” 

She flushed and looked down at her clasped hands. Wasn’t it painfully obvious? 

He didn’t press the matter, so she could only guess he’d arrived at the right conclusion. 

 

Luke made a pot of coffee as Rey struggled to relax and make herself more comfortable in his living room, looking over the paperwork that Leia had given her for lack of something else to do. Not that she had Luke’s acceptance, for lack of a better word, there was a weight to her shoulders that hadn’t been there before. While she’d said that she was certainly into older men, he wasn’t exactly what she’d had in mind. Certainly he was attractive in his own sort of way, in a way that suggested that he’d only grown more distinguished as he’d aged, but he could hardly even look at her. 

Was it something with her, then, that he had a problem with? She tried not to crinkle the papers in her hand as she waited as patiently as she could for him to return with two mugs of steaming coffee, offering her creamer and sugar to go with it. 

“What does this mean to you, Rey?” Luke asked, stirring creamer into his own cup, watching as the color lightened, his bright eyes searching the liquid as if it offered up the secrets to the world around them. She only wished she could find her own as interesting or instructive. “Being a submissive. Being involved in BDSM. What is it that you think it means?” 

She bit her bottom lip, very nearly sloshing her own drink over the side as she brought it to her lips to buy her some time. “It means having someone else make all your choices for you because that’s how they like it, and going along with it because you want them to be happy. It means being able to not think. It’s sex, and lots of it. And stuff.” 

Her cheeks went ruddy with her embarrassment as the noise that left Luke was something between a scoff and a snort. “Amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say something so off-truth without realizing it.” 

Rey scowled. “Well, it’s not as though I’ve ever had anyone to teach me like you did.” 

He arched a brow. “The first step to learning anything is to admit that you know very little.” 

Well, yes. But still. She felt herself pout, and saw his expression darken ever so slightly at that. 

“This isn’t simply about fucking and being whipped until you’re bloody and bruised. There’s nuance to it. There’s trust, not just of the submissive to the dominant, but the dominant trusting the submissive enough to tell them when they’ve had enough, or when they need more. It’s not a control, but a balance. A force between two individuals who are willing to give up their worries and their anxieties to achieve something far more. It’s not just sex. It’s understanding. It’s a very intimate process even before you start getting physically close.” 

She felt a certain heaviness in her chest that wasn’t entirely uncomfortable, even if part of her was having second doubts about being even remarkably intimate with him in any way, shape, or form. Slowly, the arms that she’d crossed over her chest began to relax. “So, it’s more like an emotional intimacy than physical, to start off with? Like, telling the other person everything that ever happened, what you like and don’t like--psychology bullshit?” 

There was a tick in his jaw that told her she was overstepping her boundaries, one that she’d noticed when she’d first pouted, and now grew all the stronger. What would it take for him to react? To actually punish her? Her day dream of being thrown over the knee of someone far stronger than she was, being pinned down, being punished, came back with a vengeance. It was all she could do to press her thighs together. He looked stronger than she would’ve given him credit for. Maybe stronger than she was. Hopefully. 

“If you want to look at it that way, then a dominant isn’t what you want. I’m not here to analyze everything that’s happened to you--but honesty? Being held to a better standard because your dominant, or your submissive, believes you’re worthy of it? Being open about your wants and your needs? That intimacy is important, Rey. If you cannot understand that without making a mockery of it, then the door stands over there, and you can see yourself out.” 

Her mouth opened, more out of shock than out of a desire to say anything. Luke didn’t interrupt, sitting back in his chair to survey her. With a soft sigh, she shook her head. 

“No, sir. I’d like to stay. I’d like you to teach me, please.” 

When he smiled, she thought she could see a little bit of his old self peeking through, muted light and hope slipping through the cracks of his sarcasm. She could see where he would’ve been popular, where he might’ve been handsome if he was a little better groomed and put together. She could learn to appreciate him, she thought, and with a strange sort of resolution in her stomach she felt herself starting to smile, too. 

She could do this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, just to clarify so that I don't send you all running away screaming: this is not going to involve any sexual Luke/Rey content. None. Rey/Kylo is endgame here, BUT! She needs a teacher, and I'm trying to mirror the films as much as I can within reason.   
> That being said: I'm dying to know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let it be known that I love you guys. A lot.   
> A lot, lot, lot, lot, lot.   
> I'm also slightly intoxicated, but I hope you enjoy this, an know just how much you all mean to me--that all your comments mean.

She had homework for the next week. Homework. He’d given her four books, stacked atop one another, and all but shoved her out the door so that he could savor the remainder of his peace and quiet, he explained, and she’d been left on his doorstep with a handful of books whose covers were so explicit she wasn’t quite sure how to get home with them, and remain unaccosted the entire time. 

She could still hardly believe it as she covered the texts up with her jacket in the back of her Uber, sneaking glances at them every so often to try and make sense of what her world had come down to. She supposed it was lucky that she was taking a break from school for the next semester, and that once her finals finished up she’d actually have time to consider the tomes that he’d lent her, but . . . wasn’t any of it practical? Why couldn’t they have started there? 

 

It was a mark of how badly she wanted to be involved in Leia and Luke’s world that she found ways to read in between everything else going on. She’d sneak into the very back of the shop to read on her few and far between breaks, having bought a book cover to switch out as she poured over the texts, desperate to keep any of her coworkers, or fellow cohorts, from knowing what exactly it was she was reading. Worst of all was Finn, who tried reading over her shoulder every chance he got, desperate to know what it was she was reading when she should’ve been as freaked out about exams as he was. 

“Seriously, I never see you read--ow! But it’s true!” he laughed as she all but threw her bag across the hall at him, its contents carefully zipped up inside, her book shut and in her lap. It wasn’t as though she was able to get anything done with him around. He was far too distracting, and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes at his assumption. 

“Maybe I don’t read around you because I know I won’t be able to get any of it done with your loud mouth,” she offered, one brow rising as she stared him down, catching her bag when he threw it back with a look of feigned pain. 

“Wow. Harsh. Fine, I’ll let you read your weirdly secretive book in peace.” 

She didn’t believe it for a second, and the look on her face must’ve said just as much, because Finn’s laugh echoed through the hall. “No, I will! Go on. You’ll see I won’t interrupt you for a second.” 

Uh-huh. She slowly opened the front cover, paging through to find her spot, waiting for the other shoe to drop at any moment. She even looked up to make sure he wasn’t paying any attention to what she was doing, to find him staring determinedly at the wall behind her. This was going to go well. 

Rey had hardly made it three words down the page when Finn all but shouted from across the hall: “But for real! It’s strange to see you with a book-.” 

 

Exams wrapped up for the both of them on Thursday, Rey finishing at three and Finn at five, the latter giving her a call to tell her that they had to go out for drinks to celebrate. She’d not thought twice before agreeing, ignoring the books waiting for her on her side table in favor of following the siren song of cheap, strong liquor, greasy bar food, and loud music that’d do well to distract her. She’d show Luke when she met with him on Saturday that he was wrong to have underestimated her, but now? Now she celebrated. 

“God, girl, your ass makes me wish I liked women,” Finn crowed as they walked, arm in arm, downtown towards The Cantina. A Tex-Mex local favorite, the margaritas were cheapest when bought by the pitcher, served with a quick jab and wide grin by Maz, the owner. What she lacked in height, she made up for in spunk and personality, and it’d always been a past daydream of Rey’s to look into working for her when times got tight. She always figured out how to make ends meet in the end, but Maz never stopped offering her a job. Even now as they walked in to a packed bar and dining room, Maz’s greeting rose above the chattering crowd, and the pair of them waved and shouted back their greetings before they made a beeline towards her. It was open mic night, and the stage was already being set up for their act of the night, the name and brief Google description of the group making it sound as though they were somewhere between a Ricky Martin tribute group, and synth metal. An interesting mash up for sure. 

Maz led them towards a booth nearest the action, winking as she set down a pitcher of their usual margs on the rocks, two salted rims, limes, and an extra shot of reposado for the both. Rey kissed her cheek as Finn sang her praises to the tune of “goddess, proprietor extraordinaire, saint” that made Maz roll her eyes in her own show of affection. 

“I swear to God that woman is the second coming of Jesus,” Finn said with a grin as he poured both of them drinks, mindful not to spill too much ice in to either cup. Rey snickered, leaning in soon as Finn had finished to lick some of the salt from the rim, before taking a sip of her drink. The tequila was extra potent tonight, just how they liked it, causing her to grin broadly as Finn followed suit. Chips, salsa, guac, and fries with queso filled their table, the pair picking at their food in between drinks, Rey’s gaze flitting over to the band as they began their tune up. The group was a mishmash of strange, Rey not sure whether or not to stare at the tall, balding man near the very back tuning up a double necked bass, the drummer with a navel-length beard that kept getting in the way, causing him to stop mid-beat to throw it over his shoulder, and start up again, and the front man who stood in front of an enormous synthesizer. She actually snorted when they introduced themselves as the Heavy Metal Martinizers, and started up an abomination of Livin’ La Vida Loca that Finn couldn’t help but tap his fingers to. From behind the bar, Maz was grinning, her expression that of someone who was enjoying a real treat, and Rey couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Already the tequila had hit her blood, and as the pressure of exams, her extra homework, and life in itself started to melt away, she felt her shoulders relax and shake in tune with her snorts. 

“You have to hand it to them,” Finn said with a wide grin. “They’ve certainly got a niche market, and they work it. Well.” 

That was a word for it, she supposed. They took their shots at the end of the first song, and as Rey smacked her lips in satisfaction, she opened her eyes only to meet those of another patron halfway across the room. Something about him was familiar, even if she couldn’t place his dark brown eyes, the nearly shoulder-length black hair, half pulled into a bun at the back of his head, and the broad shoulders. A chill lanced down her spine at the intensity of his gaze, and a flush raced to her cheeks that had little to do with the burn in the back of her throat from the shot. 

“Finally noticed tall, dark, and creepy, did you?” Finn asked with a half stifled snort, his eyes warm as Rey’s attention snapped back to him. 

“What?”

“He’s been looking at you for awhile, Rey. You’re really oblivious. I caught him when I turned to look at the--I don’t feel right calling them a  _ band _ \--at the group, and every time after that. I really figured he’d stop, but I guess he’s been waiting for you to join him in his eye fucking.”

The heat that Rey was all too keen to ignore bloomed all the hotter, and she pressed her thighs together under the table as she watched him cover his mouth with an enormous hand, only to pull it away moments later in a full, white-knuckled fist. Her mind flashed back to her recurring fantasy the past couple nights, and determinedly kept from gasping at the thought of him putting his hands on her in such a way. 

“He looks really familiar.” 

Finn hummed, lips drawn around his straw as he emptied his glass. “You know, I thought the same thing. Weird. Maybe he’s a student.”

He looked too old to have been in any of her classes, most of her cohorts in that strange limbo between young adult and full adult. He definitely looked full adult, and if he’d been a TA for any of her classes she didn’t think there’d be any way she’d forget him. 

His attention was finally broken by Maz coming up to him, standing in between the two of them, effectively killing the bond that had been born between the two. She had to get away, had to go cool down somewhere where Finn couldn’t poke fun at her for the heat that threatened to set her whole body alight. “Gotta go pee,” she lied with ease. “Grab another pitcher? On me this time.” 

Finn grinned and reached over to squeeze her shoulder, his eyes bright and nearly glassy. “Awe, you’re the best.” 

“I know. So shots are on you.” She winked, hopping down from her seat before he could speak out against it. She couldn’t help but glance back in the man’s direction as she wound her way around the tables, booths, and those on the dance floor bumping and grinding to the strange amalgamation of sounds coming from the stage. His eyes found hers with little difficulty, Maz looking in her direction and actually  _ smirking  _ before she turned away. Rey pointedly turned away and didn’t look back, disappearing into the bathrooms. Her face felt hot, her clothes too tight, and she stared her reflection down in the mirror. What the hell was wrong with her? Turning on the cool water, she pulled down a piece of paper towel, wet it, and slid the cool paper against the back of her neck. That helped to ground her, and she worked to deepen her breaths. 

Pulling out her phone, she started typing in Luke’s contact, tapped on it, and quickly worked at a message, the thudding of the band outside echoing in her head, in her chest, in her cunt at the thought of the man at the bar’s eyes on her. They’d been warm, to the point of scalding, and truthfully she was amazed she didn’t have sunburn from the intensity of his gaze. 

REY: <what if I meet someone?>

Was that reading too much into the situation? It wasn’t a given that anything would come of this . . . man and her locking eyes, even if it’d happened more than just the once already. She was probably just imagining things, wasn’t she? 

She had to be. Right? 

Her phone vibrated where she’d set it on the countertop, and with hasty hands she picked it up and opened the message. 

LUKE: <what you’re looking for with BDSM doesn’t tend to translate well with relationships. If that’s something you want then I’m not about to tell you no. Don’t think that they’ll be ok with you being someone’s sub though. Might have to choose between the two. Probably best to do so now before you get too involved.>

Her heart leadened. Of course. She’d not thought about it like that, and the realization that she might’ve strung the other guy up, well. That sucked. He was really attractive. 

Of course that was assuming that he’d not been staring at some horrible spot on her nose, or something. 

When she stepped out of the Women’s to find him just a few feet away told her that no, he hadn’t been. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I have no self control when it comes to writing this, and you guys are the absolute sweetest. Your comments have been so incredible, and I'm so very, very lucky to have phenomenal readers such as yourselves.  
> This chapter is a little shorter than normal, but I wanted to give you guys a quicker update because you've been so, so good to me. I hope you enjoy it all the same and have a wonderful weekend!  
> I'm also posting this in the half hour I have before I leave for work, so, any mistakes are my own and I apologize.

“Who are you?”

He’d had to repeat it a second time, the words having registered, but Rey not having been able to say anything for sheer shock of the fact that he was there. He was _there_ , just inches from her now, and those same rich, dark eyes were close enough that she could see the way his pupils had dilated.

“Rey. Who’re you?”

“Ben. I don’t mean it like that. You look--I’ve seen you. Where have I seen you before?”

So she wasn’t imagining things, and neither was Finn. She wasn’t so sure if that was a blessing, or a curse. Her tongue flicked out and and against her bottom lip, attracting his attention which only made her flush as his teeth sank into his bottom lip.

“I don’t know. Are you a student?”

He gave a snort. “No.”

Something in her chest loosened at his reaction, and her head tipped to the side as the derision registered. What the hell was _that_ supposed to mean? “Well then I’m sorry, I can’t help you, Ben.”

He didn’t let her leave at that, stepping to the side of her as she managed to move around him. “But I do know you. And you know me. Where?”

God, was he a broken record or what? Hot he might’ve been, she couldn’t deny that even if her life depended on it, but he took persistence to a whole new level. It was one she didn’t find herself liking all that much.

“Sorry, the only other Ben I know is in my 8am theoretical engineering class.”

His eyes narrowed. “Then where have I seen you before?”

Fuck all if she knew. Her heart thudding harder in her chest, she slid past him, out towards the dance floor, where the band had been kicked off--or finished their set, honestly Rey couldn’t tell--and the coeds had taken over. In the midst of bodies grinding up on one another, Rey shimmied her way between them as best she could, until a thick set of fingers wrapped around her wrist, and tugged her backwards, away from Finn. She came up against a hard, well defined chest, and nearly lost her breath as she stared up at Ben again.

“I need to know,” he breathed, pupils blown as he stared down at her, leaning close enough that she could hear him even over the loud music. “Tell me.”

Fuck, she really didn’t want to get into this right now, and the grip he had on her wrist was starting to make her heart speed up. He might’ve been attractive, but if he didn’t know how to understand the word no, then he wasn’t someone she wanted to necessarily be around, let alone open up to. No thank you.

It might not have bothered her before, but now? Now she felt his insistence grating on her every last nerve.

“This game you’re playing isn’t cute,” she growled up at him, one of her hands moving to push against his chest. He pushed back, eyes narrowing. “Goodbye, Ben. Come find me again when you’ve learned some manners.”

 _Now_ , she thought she recognized him by the deep scowl twisting his features, deepening furrows in his brow making him look a mix of manic and terrifyingly predatorial. She felt her own heart stutter in her chest, felt his grip tighten over her arm for a moment, before he finally released her.

“You’re a real brat, you know that?” he growled, and _fuck_ if that word didn’t do something to her that she wished it didn’t. She swallowed thickly, blinking up at him as she struggled to find the right words--to tell him that she knew exactly where she’d seen him before. Before she could think of doing much else, however, Finn was behind her, wrapping one familiar, warm arm around her waist, and pulling her back and against his chest with a couple of choice, heated words in Ben’s direction. The taller man just glowered, watching the entire time that Rey was led away as though he was witnessing the sun being ripped from the sky.

Or maybe that was just the tequila making her imagine things.

 

She felt his gaze on her for the rest of the night, their booth in an almost too perfect spot that Rey had to wonder whether or not Maz was somehow in on the whole thing and had set it up that way. Realistically, there was no way the woman would do that to Rey. If anything, she thought she saw the owner sidle her way up to Ben’s table a couple of times and try to grab his attention, to distract him with whatever it was she was saying, but it only worked for a couple minutes at most before he was back to staring at her.

Determined to get out from under his microscopic gaze, Rey pulled Finn onto the dance floor, but even with Finn’s chest up against her back as they swayed and moved to the music, she swore she could feel the burn of his attention even through Finn. Did he have laser vision, or something? She couldn’t get into the music, couldn’t let her shoulders relax or her body move the way she wanted to, not when it all felt awkward and out of sync.

“Do you actually know him from somewhere?” Finn asked, voice warm in her ear.

Rey nodded, hardly daring to look up at him. Was it strange for her to have recognized him from the event, then again from having seen him in Leia’s house? He was clearly a member of the same group that she was working on becoming a part of. If everything went the way she hoped it would with Luke, it only meant that she’d see him more often. Possibly naked.

Would it be better to just confront him there and then? To have it out with him, and then . . . and then, what? Tell him to backup, to never contact her again, when there was a very real possibility that he’d see her naked in front everyone at some exhibition? Something about him didn’t read very ‘submissive,’ not when he’d pinned her in place with his gaze, when he’d gripped her with more than just his strength but rather a sense of being listened to. Of having his orders followed. Her skin pebbled at the thought, despite the heat pooling in her lower stomach and between her legs. Rey chanced a glance over Finn’s shoulder, and sure enough found Ben staring at her from his spot, knuckles near white as he sipped a dark liquor on ice, but never once looking away from her.

Fuck it. “He’s at that kink club we worked at,” she murmured to Finn, leaning up so that her lips very nearly brushed against his ears, and watching as Ben’s eyes narrowed. He was awfully invested for someone who’d only just noticed her.

She’d be lying if she said the attention didn’t feel . . . good, in some perverse sort of way.

“Wait, seriously?” He only just restrained himself from following her gaze, his body stopping and turning her so that she was facing him. “How in the hell do you know that?”

Her face turned bright red, and she looked away from him for a moment, not so sure she wanted to tell him the truth--that she’d gone back. What she was doing with Luke, what she’d asked from Leia, that she’d heard Ben arguing with Leia in her study--. Maybe he wouldn’t be around in the club for all that much longer, if the argument that she’d overheard was anything to go off of. Still, she ought to say something. Ought to clear the air, just in case.

As much as she hated to concede defeat, or swallow her pride, she really shouldn’t burn bridges in that way.

Without saying anything else to Finn, she shifted and made to walk towards Ben, stopped only by Finn’s grip on her wrist, light and insistent even as Ben sat up straighter in his seat.

“Rey. I don’t think this is a good idea.”

She looked back at Finn and smiled with a courage she tried to tell herself she felt. “What’s the worst he can do in a public place like this?”

She didn’t let him answer, pulling herself free from his grip before stepping towards where Ben was seated, and taking the place opposite him.

“I see you decided to stop hiding behind your boyfriend.”

She shook her head, brain lazily picking apart the two lies in his words, and thinking back to Luke’s statement with a small smile: _Amazing. Everything you just said was wrong_.

“Not my boyfriend, and I wasn’t hiding. I just realized where I recognized you. Where you’d seen me. You’re part of Leia Organa’s house, aren’t you?”

She watched his eyes widen, and felt her own success surge in her veins, echoing in her ears over the sound of Maz announcing it was last call. Ben wet his lips slowly, savoring the last beads of his drink on his lips, before murmuring: “It is you.”

 

REY: I met your nephew tonight. He’s a real treat.

LUKE: God above, I’m sorry in advanced.

REY: He told me I needed a teacher. I told him I already had one.

LUKE: Is it too soon to say that I’m proud of you?

REY: :’D


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm so sorry for the delay between updates. I struggled quite a bit with this chapter, writing then rewriting, and I'm still not wholly happy with it but it's gotta be written, so here it is. I hope you don't mind it too much, and thank you all so very much for sticking out with the story.

The hangover headache and dry mouth the next day, truthfully, wasn't worth it. Especially when she was already on such thin ice with Luke when it came to her not knowing exactly what it was she was doing. Especially being her, and knowing full and well that getting places on time--such as to her lesson with Luke--was an impossibility on the best of days. 

Still, she’d looked back at her texts with him, at the small words he’d sent that’d made her stomach twist in the strangest of ways, and felt as though maybe, just maybe, she’d made up some ground. She puzzled over that as the bus took her back to Luke’s home, Rey careful to steer clear of the main estate as she knocked on Luke’s door and trying not to look too anxious to be running ten minutes behind. And no, she definitely didn’t keep shooting furtive glances in the direction of Leia and Han’s home, wondering how in the hell it was that they had created a man like Ben between the two of them. Even if she didn’t know the two of them all that well, Ben seemed as different as could be from the family members that Rey had met. He was all hard edges, immediate, furious anger and emotion hot enough to boil over at any given second. When he’d stared, stricken, as she’d told him that Luke was her teacher, before blurting out that he himself could do a far better job, she’d thought he might actually lash out at the table between them, or the booth beneath him. The heavy thud she’d heard as she’d stepped away and refused to look back, had only proven that he was the last person she ought to have teaching her. 

She didn’t want to think too hard about what he’d do to  _ her  _ if she stepped out of bounds or messed something up. 

At least, she didn’t want to think about it during the day time. When she had a lesson with someone else. That was a thought better kept for the privacy of her own apartment, where she could pretend that those large hands belonged to someone who didn’t have an explosive, volatile personality. 

She could feel her cheeks already burning as Luke opened the door, and kept her eyes down a little as she apologized for being late, feeling the warmth of his gaze on her as she shifted from foot to foot. 

“Don’t let it happen again,” he muttered. “I won’t punish you this time. You’re still new. But rules and times are put into place for a reason, Rey.” 

The heat in her cheeks only grew worse as she was ushered inside, and the door was shut behind her. Tea and coffee had already been laid out as he offered her a seat, and she changed a glance up at him. He’d trimmed his beard, his clothes looked as though they’d been hung up rather than left in a basket for weeks on end, and the result was . . . nice. He looked far less like the hermit she’d met the first time around. He poured her a cup of tea, and she thanked him as she took the steaming cup between her fingers and let the heat ground her. 

“So, how has your research been going?” 

“It’s been enlightening,” she said with a small smile in his direction, sipping at her tea quietly as she crossed her ankles underneath her chair and tried to look . . . as demure as possible. Her shoulders ached from holding herself so tightly, and to her side she heard Luke sigh heavily as his chair scraped against the floor. 

“You’re uptight. You don’t need to be acting.” He stepped behind her, and Rey felt the air stay in her lungs, trapped as he settled his hands on either side of her upper arms, very gently holding her there. Her brow furrowed as he squeezed her biceps, but didn’t move his hands any further up, or down, then where they were. “I can see how tense you are, but more than that I can feel it. Take a deep breath. Go on.” 

She hummed softly, but acquiesced, closing her eyes and willing herself to just let herself drop into his words, to listen to them, let them fill her up. She felt her stomach unclench a little, her heart starting to slow in her chest as she let herself simply sit and listen as he spoke. 

“Being a submissive isn’t just about being ordered what to do. It’s wanting to do it. It’s opening yourself to someone else, who understands they’re to be just as forthcoming with you as you are with them. You feel what I’m saying?” 

Yes, she did. She wet her lips slowly, feeling heat seep into her shoulders where Luke held her, wondering if he could feel it just as she did. “Yes, sir.” 

Luke sucked in a quick breath, as though he was more surprised than anything else, and she turned to look up at him. Color seeped into her cheeks. Was that wrong? 

Wouldn’t he tell her if it was? 

His hands left her shoulders and he stiffened as he took a couple steps backwards. She didn’t move, save to avert her eyes downwards, and waited until he spoke to look at him. “Why don’t you go get your books and bring them here. We’ll go over a couple of the more meaningful passages I want to bring your attention to.” 

It might’ve been even slightly sexy if he’d sounded anything other than terrified at the prospect. 

 

They covered safe words and submission in its both most basic and complicated forms, titles and specific tastes that they seemed to share based on the questionnaire that Leia had provided Luke a copy of. He never moved past the hypothetical, hardly so much as touched her except to brush his fingers against hers when he was changing pages in the book, and Rey felt her insides tighten up with frustration as he did. Was it her, then, that he found so off putting? He’d agreed to take her under his wing, but was it ever going to progress any further than the hypothetical if he didn’t even like her? 

“Is there going to be a practical exam on this, sir?” she asked, making her voice sound breathy. He’d only just announced a lunch break, having stood to go grab a couple menus for take out. He faltered at her words, eyes flashing as they looked at her. 

Her brow furrowed, confused by the bewildered, and almost offended expression he leveled at her. “No. No, I don’t plan on touching you until I’m certain you’ve gotten a good grip on this.” 

She’d be lying if she said her stomach didn’t drop. “At all?” So it was her. 

“No, Rey. This is exactly what I’m trying to tell you about going slowly. About building up to it. This isn’t something you can just throw yourself into and expect to walk away at any time. What you’re asking is serious. It has ramifications I need to be sure you’re understanding of. It’s not just yes sir, no sir, and opening your mouth to catch your Dom’s come in your mouth--.”

“Oi!” She felt her cheeks grow warm, eyes widening in shock as she looked at him. Did he really just  _ say  _ that? She didn’t think he was capable. It might’ve made her laugh if she didn’t feel so out of place. 

He snorted, folding his arms over his chest as he looked at her. “If you’re just looking at this for the sexual side of things then you might as well leave. I’m not teaching you  _ that _ .” 

Rey felt her jaw clench, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Then what’s the point of me being here? Leia said you would teach me--.” 

“What you need to know. You’re inexperienced. Greener than summer grass. You’ll be chewed up and spit out in a heartbeat by anyone else, Rey, and all the while you’d be too naive to know any better. I’m trying to teach you so you know what good can be. Being taken advantage of in this world happens more often than not, and few new submissives get a chance to learn what they should be looking for in a dominant.” 

Without prompting, Ben’s face came to mind, and she felt the heat in her cheeks grow, eyes downcast as she gnawed on the inside of her cheek. Something told her that he was right, even if she hated to admit it. She was so used to putting her hands on any and everything she wanted to try, jumping right into the pool rather than waiting to test the waters, that the concept of learning, of taking her time was a new one. 

And it scared her. It scared her far more than starting down this road ever could have. Neither one of them said anything, and it wasn’t until she heard Luke give a heavy sigh that she looked back up at him. 

His expression was almost regretful, the corners of his mouth pulled down to make him look even older than he was. “I’m trying not to be too hard on you, but you need to realize that it isn’t going to be immediate. That if you want this, there’s going to be a bit of a learning curve. I trust that you’re going to tell me when you’ve had enough, but you’ve got to trust me when I tell you that there’s more you need to know. Can you do that for me, Rey?” 

 

\--

 

When her stomach had begun to rumble loud enough to sound like an oncoming storm, Luke invited her to stay for dinner at the main house. Given that she’d only just met his nephew yesterday, Rey wasn’t so sure it was all that great of an idea. She liked Leia a great deal, certainly, and Han. Even Luke was starting to grow on her, but still. She wasn’t against objecting for that reason, but Ben Solo’s presence, now that she recognized where it had been she’d first seen him, weighed heavily in the back of her mind. Had it not been for the prospect of free food she might’ve turned it down, but then again she’d never been particularly good at declining anything that fed her without her having to work for it. Besides, Ben was a fully grown man. Why would he be having dinner on a random, auspicious evening, with his parents? Certainly he’d have better things to do, other people to harass and pester, than his mother and father. 

Fate, as it would have it, was not on her side. She couldn’t help but meet his eyes as Ben passed the doorway that she and Luke were stepping through and into the dining room, and Rey allowed herself a smirk as she watched him trip over his feet at the sight of her, one of his hands reaching out to catch the wall before he could fall. 

Luke’s own smile had a ring of pride to it, a certain smugness that made his eyes shine as he stepped towards where his sister was already setting the table, leaving Rey to follow behind him. 

“Rey, good to see you,” Leia’s smile warmed her heart in a way that Rey didn’t know possible, as though there was nothing that could’ve pleased the woman more than to see Rey at her house. 

A certain warmth spread through Rey’s face. “Thank you for having me,” she said. “Is there anything I can help you with?” From the side of the room, she watched as the same purple haired woman she’d seen on her first night stepped closer, plates in hand as she began to set them. Somehow, she’d already been prepared for Rey to arrive, having brought just enough plates. Curious. 

Leia’s eyes glinted when Rey turned to look at her again, a woman caught--yet vindicated for being right. “Certainly. If you wouldn’t mind grabbing wine glasses for enough of us, Ben would be more than happy to show you and help.” 

She heard a soft choking sound from the other side of the room, though Leia’s gaze never faltered on Rey.

Did Leia knew what she was doing, Rey wondered as she fought to keep her stomach from knotting at the prospect of following him anywhere. 

“I still can't believe you're letting him introduce you to this life,” he hissed when they were close enough for her to hear, his eyes narrowed as they cast a furtive glance back towards his uncle. “The only thing he’s good at teaching is how to scare away a perfectly good partner. You’re wasting your time with Skywalker.” 

Rey’s jaw clenched and her hands tightened into fists at her side. Didn’t he know how to take a hint? With his body between the china cabinet and her, she’d have to reach around in order to grab the glasses that Leia had asked for, and if it hadn’t been for the fact that they were so close to breakables, Rey might’ve just thrown him out of her way. He was top heavy, certainly, and far larger than she was, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t be able to take him if it came to it. The way Rey saw it, Ben was the son of the woman who owned this house. Children--real children--always came first. Regardless of how fucked up they were. On the other hand he was an ass, and was acting like a high schooler. Didn’t most people grow out of pettily putting others down by the time they hit their mid-twenties? 

“Yet your mother is the one who thought it’d be best for him to teach me,” she said, voice tight and eyes narrowed. He scowled, the look carved tight into his face as he reached into the cabinet to pull out the glasses, and for a moment Rey counted it as a victory that she’d gotten the upper hand. When he withheld the last glass, she reached out to snatch it from his hand. Honestly. “If you have a problem with it, then take it up with her. I’m happy as it is now.” 

“Only because you don’t know any better.” 

God, did he ever stop? 

She was about to turn, her mind thoroughly made up that if she continued trying to talk to him it’d only result in her punching him square in the jaw, when he stopped her with a hand on her wrist. When he spoke, his voice was soft in her ear. “You’re too spirited to be a submissive as you are now, and Luke doesn’t have what it would take to break you of your stubborn attitude. To mold you to perfection, to curb that fire until it simmers beautifully within you, still  burning but directed.” He’d stepped closer, though she couldn’t be exactly sure when. She’d be lying if she said there wasn’t a part of her, deep, deep down, that took what he said to heart. That told her he wasn’t entirely wrong, and that maybe--just maybe there’d been a mistake. 

She reached for the last glass and pulled it out of his grip. He let it go willingly, but not before he leaned in to kiss her, head dipping lower so that his lips could meet hers. Instinctively, she dug her teeth into his lower lip, biting until she tasted copper and he yelped, pulling back from her and pressing his newly freed hand against his mouth. It came away red, and Rey turned to step out before he could say anything else.

Shit. Real children always came first, and she'd just bitten Leia's. Just made him bleed. Stomach knotting, she had to tighten her grip in order to make sure she didn't drop the glasses on her way back to the dining room. The others had already taken their seats, the scent of a freshly cooked meal already hanging heavily in the air, but all Rey could think about was getting out. Getting out before they kicked her out. 

“I’m sorry, please excuse me. I’m not feeling well,” she admitted when she’d set the long stem wine glasses on the table. Luke’s eyes flickered from her face, where she must’ve looked as though she’d seen a ghost, to Ben’s surly expression as he stepped back into the room.

It was Leia that spoke first, standing up from her seat as her attention focused wholly on Rey. “Let me at least make you a plate to go,” she insisted. “You’re stick thin.” 

For once, eating didn’t sound all that appealing. She’d regret it later, when the gnawing in her stomach became too great to stand, but for now Rey shook her head, hardly able to meet her eyes. “I really need to get going. Thank you though, so much. I’ll--I’ll see you later.” God, she hoped so at least.

She determinedly didn’t look at Ben as she walked out the door, telling herself over and over that she wasn’t running away--but she had to get out of there. The bus ride back offered her more than enough time to replay what had happened, to relive it over and over in her head as she questioned what it was she could’ve done differently. Done better. Her stomach knotted as she felt him press his lips against hers over, and over, and over again, how warm he’d felt against her, how the anxiety had immediately kicked in that she was betraying Luke. 

Worse than that, how the pleasure had sunk into her bones at how much she’d  _ liked _ it. She barely made it to the bathroom, clammy handed and white faced, before she emptied what was left of her sparse lunch into the toilet bowl. The cool porcelain was a god send against her overheated face, and Rey whined as her hands gripped the bowl as though her life depended on it, as though she meant to crack it in two with her hands alone. 

What was she going to do? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find Rey's conversation with Luke a bit reductive, and I apologize, but no matter how I tried to rework it or cut it, it just didn't flow right. This is, I think, the closest to being happy with the scene as I could be? I'd love to hear what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your continued support, and your amazing reviews on the last chapter! It really helped to bolster my confidence about writing this, especially since I've been going back and forth in my mind about how I want this all to play out. I've got a rough idea, and your reviews and unbelievable support is exactly the inspiration I need to keep going with it, to tell myself that I know what I'm doing (roughly, at least)  
> Thank you again, and I hope you like this update!

Without the textbooks that she’d left at Luke’s, there was no work to be done save what little research she felt comfortable doing online about the subject matter. Classes now over with, her days sprawled into one another, the beginnings and endings confused and convoluted as she tried to make peace with the realities of what had happened. She’d been keeping up her correspondence with Luke, of course, but every time she did her mind flipped right back to Ben. She’d bitten him, and while he’d deserved it, deserved to bleed for putting her in such an awkward position, she couldn’t help but think about what he’d said. What he’d proposed. He was arrogant, he was  _ intense _ to say the very least, but was he right? 

If there was ever a dom who would chew her up and spit her out, as Luke had said, Ben would be it. No matter how fucked up and enticing she might’ve thought that . . . it wasn’t worth getting herself all worked up over. So what if the thought of his hands on her waist, pulling her hair, covering her ass with his handprint was enough to make her reach for her vibrator and soak through her panties? Fantasy and reality were two very different things, and while the Ben in her fantasy was a commanding yet understanding dominant, the real one . . . she didn’t see it. Not in the slightest, and that was enough to keep her away. 

  
  


Again she met with Luke, over coffee this time so he could return his books to her possession, when he motioned to catch her attention. She’d been staring blankly just to the left of his face, and her cheeks flushed bright red when he snapped his fingers in front of her gaze and pulled her back to reality. 

His expression was disapproving. “Am I boring you?” he asked dryly. “Subservience doesn’t exactly come easy to you, you might want to listen.”

He was right, so why was it that she craved it so much? She bit her lip and pulled her expression into one of contrition. “I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again.” 

“I’d have spanked you right here and now if you were my submissive. In front of all of these people.” 

Her stomach clenched, and now she looked up at him, eyes wide. Would he? “But I am.” 

“No, you’re my student. There’s a difference.” 

The hope that had ignited in the base of her gut sputtered out. When Luke’s expression hardened she guessed her disappointment showed on her face. 

“Wipe that look off your face,” Luke said, his lips curling into a scowl of his own, arms folding over his chest. “If you’re going to be ungrateful then quit. Because I’m telling you right now, you don’t want another dominant--.” 

“Yes, that’s what you keep saying,” Rey said, words sharp and eyes burning holes into the table between them, not daring to look at Luke as she lost what tenuous control she had over her temper. It was rude, even if he wasn’t her teacher, as he so liked to call himself, but she chewed on the inside of her cheek to keep from apologizing immediately. She was stressed, and it felt like she was going nowhere. Maybe this was all a mistake after all. Maybe she wasn’t cut out for this sort of work, this line of particular interests. Was it wrong of her to hope not, even given how obviously opposites she and Luke were? If he was the very beginning, the start of her education into this world, then she was flunking, but couldn’t it be argued that some of that was to do with her teacher? 

Neither of them said anything, the silence filled only with the muffled conversations being held around them, while the pair refused to look in each other’s direction, let alone lock eyes or speak. A minute passed, Rey counting hte seconds as slow as she could stand, waiting to see if he was going to bother trying to defend himself once more, or whether he’d take what she had said as a sign of her very obvious disapproval. Wasn’t this supposed to be an open door sort of policy, a two way street? 

Maybe that’s what she was missing. 

Wetting her bottom lip, she looked up to find Luke determinedly checking out the collection of used paperbacks n the corner of the coffee shop, though he turned to look at her as soon as he caught the movement in his periphery. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, proud that she didn’t choke on the words at all. “You keep talking about open communication, and I’m not being as forthcoming with mine as you are with yours, and that’s my mistake. I apologize.” 

He stared, expression unreadable. Would that she was as talented in keeping her emotions under wraps. The flush on her neck often betrayed her, and even now she could feel it spiraling downwards as it began to fade. 

“I need you to tell me what you’re feeling so that we don’t have moments like this. Both while we’re simply talking, and during a scene. Thank you for your apology,” Luke added, and Rey felt her shoulders relax. He wasn’t telling her to go screw off, that was a victory. “Now, what is it you’re frustrated with?” 

God, where did she begin? “I’m . . . a hands on sort of learner. I like to fix things, to take the pieces apart to see how they fit together, then slot them back in order until it’s working again. This--the way that we’re doing this now, is not very hands on. I’m having a difficult time staying interested and engaged because of that. Sir.” 

For the briefest of moments, she saw shock flirt with Luke’s features, his eyebrows shooting upwards as he considered her words. Her honesty, more than likely. She’d never meant to be anything but with him, yet somehow things had gotten all convoluted. 

Ben’s fault, likely. She’d blame it on him; it wasn’t as though he’d ever find out. 

“I appreciate you telling me, Rey. Thank you.” Luke’s eyes closed for the briefest of moments, as though he was steeling himself for what was to come. Anxiety spiked through Rey’s gut. For all her complaining about him, she wasn’t so sure she was ready to have him actually tell her goodbye, that he couldn’t help or anything. 

“I think you ought to go see a show. An exhibition. You’ve already seen one, with Leia’s crew. But you ought to go to another one. Tonight. Then, maybe, what I’m telling you will start to make sense.” 

 

The club itself was packed, parking such a nightmare that Rey was thrilled she’d Ubered rather than trying to navigate the mess herself. It did, unfortunately, give her less time to falter in her decision, not given the opportunity to sit and question the whys and hous and whether or not she shoulds. Her driver collected her fee, and was on her merry little way after wishing Rey an excellent evening.

So long as Ben Solo didn’t manage to fuck anything up, she didn’t think that he could. 

Once she was inside she felt miles more comfortable. The exhibition tonight would be performed by members of a kink club from upstate, a group she’d never heard of before, but was eager to see in action, and while admission was invite only, between Leia and Luke it was easy to procure her a spot on the list. The bouncer let her in with an appreciative smile once she flashed an ID, no one saying a thing about her lack of a ticket. 

Or appropriate attire. Everyone else wore shirts and pants that were a great deal more . . . well, see through. While Rey thought that the steel grey mini skirt and matching vest, with a tasteful black bralette peeking out underneath, was more than appropriate, she could see now that she’d put on far too much. 

Great, because sticking out was really something she was looking forward to. 

After making her way to the bar to grab herself a cheap gin and tonic, she settled herself along the wall, not wanting to draw too much more attention by getting any closer. Besides, she liked to people watch as much as she liked to actually watch those who were involved with the exhibition. They were often just as interesting as those brave enough to get onto the stage, and when they didn’t think anyone else was looking, the hunger and interest that flooded their expressions was more than interesting enough.  

Quarter to eleven and the lights dimmed even further, pitching the club into near darkness. Rey felt her heart begin to pound a little faster, felt her cheeks begin to grow warm again, and sipped at her drink for want of something to do, other than fixate on how clammy her hands were becoming. Luke hadn’t told her what to expect, only that she needed more than just one evening’s experiences to be enough to tell her that this was something she wanted. According to him, she needed to broaden her horizons, so to speak, and an evening at this club was a perfect opportunity. 

She certainly hoped so. 

Eleven came, and the lights went off entirely, save the dark blue spotlights that illuminated where the onlookers had gathered. Just as there had been at Leia’s, the raised dias offered the illusion not only of a separation between the watchers and the watched, but also allowed for Rey to see what was going on. The first pair that arrived were slim, the man dressed in a fine suit that might’ve looked more at place in the corporate world than in a kink club, while the girl wore a pair of nipple clamps, and a black, lace thong. The delicate golden chain connecting the clamps swung with their movement, and the color rose in her cheeks with every single one, her lips parting as she very clearly panted, and her legs shifted together to add some needed pressure. To alleviate the strain. Once they made it to the stage, the dominant walked her around the circumference of the small circle, leading her by the same golden chains so that she kept up very close with him. The sparkle of a jeweled plug between her ass cheeks made Rey bite down on the inside of her cheek to keep from moaning. Teased on both fronts, with the added exhibtionism in there. Yes, this was definitely the world Rey wanted to be a part of. She wanted to be on stage, wanted to be looked as though she was some sort of prized possession, untouchable, demure and needy as she begged her dominant to give her what she thought she deserved, while he gave her what she needed. She wanted to be treated as though she was something worth saving, worth holding on to and treasuring, and yet more than deserving of being shared with the world. 

The submissive was led to the very middle of the circle, where she took her place on one of the chairs that’d been set up there, her hands on the very back of it, knees on the seat, so that her ass was in plain view for everyone to see. Slowly, Rey pulled herself up and away from the wall, skirting along the edges of the room to watch the woman’s face as the man pulled out a thin, black leathered crop. Rey watched as the submissive’s eyes practically rolled back into her head when her Dom dragged it along the length of her spine, and Rey inhaled sharply herself at the sound of the leather cracking against the woman’s skin. Saying nothing about how the sub shivered and whined at the impact. She didn't look back at her Dom, but as he traced the outline of the first mark on her backside, something akin to relaxation crossed over her features. The curl of her lips would've been something Rey missed if she wasn't standing so close, but the expression made her stomach tighten with longing. Each time the crop was laid out against the woman’s skin her mouth parted in a sort of pleased whine, her cheeks soon turning as red as her ass. 

There was a sense of abandonment, of utter peace, that made Rey take a step closer, the drink in her hand forgotten even as her mouth ran dry when the dominant slid the crop between his sub’s trembling thighs, and it came back covered in slick. Rey was certain she was just as aroused by what was going on, enough so that she completely missed the dark figure just behind her close enough that his breath hit the shell of her ear. 

“Didn’t think I’d be able to find you alone soon enough, Rey.” 

Rey’s breath caught in her throat as she turned to look at Ben Solo, but found herself unable to as he caught her chin, and forced her to look forward once more. “Uh-uh. Don’t look at me. You’ll miss what you came here for.” 

She didn’t have time to ask what that was, exactly, or how he knew, but she didn’t fight him off, too caught up in the scene continuing to unfold before them. She barely kept from whimpering as the submissive turned and slithered her way down to the floor, patiently waiting as her dominant removed his tie and looped it around her throat, pulling her even closer by it as soon as it cleared her chin. Rey hadn’t even noticed him undoing his fly until his sub was already swallowing down his cock, pulled further onto it by the dominant’s hold on the tie. He wrapped the silk tight around his fist, other hand stroking his submissive’s head, and then his hips moved. The way that his submissive gagged on his cock, spittle and tears dripping down her face and onto the dias, had Rey crossing her thighs all the harder, desperate for some friction to ease her through. She swore she felt Ben's cock pressing against the small of her back, but tried not to think too hard on that. 

Ben’s voice in her ear didn’t do any favors, either. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you, little Rey? Enjoying watching her gagging on her dom’s cock, watching how easily and willingly she takes him. She trusts him. Knows that he knows what’s best for her, knows that he only wants her to be happiest and that he’s her surest road to getting there. He’s going to fuck her throat raw. She won’t even be able to speak for the next couple hours, and you know what she’ll ask for when he’s done?” His lips dragged against her ear, his breath hot against her skin. 

Rey could hardly keep herself from moaning: “More.” 

Ben’s laughter was soft, one of delight that sent a frisson of pleasure through Rey’s core. In front of them, the couple had locked eyes, and the soft whining and whimpering, interlaced with the sound of the woman choking on her dominant’s cock, made Rey’s toes curl. 

Ben pressed his lips to the soft skin just behind her ear. “More, exactly. That’s what you want, isn’t it little girl? You want someone to take you, give you everything they have, and more.” His hand left her chin, knuckles soft as they slipped down her throat and towards her collarbone, dragging across them until Rey was certain she’d go mad. The need pulsing between her legs had evolved, the thin lace panties thoroughly soaked to the point she worried of her arousal dripping down her thighs. “You want a dominant to take you, to thoroughly debase and use you until you’ve got tears streaming down your cheeks, until your mind is broken, and all you can think of is what more they want. What more you can give. You’d be so pretty down on your knees for me, asking how you could be a good girl for me, letting me feed you my cock as you beg for every terrible thing I could do to you--.” 

Wait. Her brain stuttered to a halt, the train of thought stopping mid-euphoric bliss as his words started to register. The heat in her cheeks grew, flushing her throat and chest, as she pulled away from Ben’s wandering hands, now easing their way down her midsection and towards her cunt. No, that wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to be used, but wanted to be needed, too. One man’s pleasure wasn’t all she was looking for--it was a give and a take. She could have equality, balance. She could have what she wanted while giving her dominant what he wanted, but that wasn’t what Ben was talking about. She turned to face him, and found he looked just about as ruined as she felt, his full lips parted as he breathed hard, eyes glassy and pupils blown. 

She bared her teeth. “I’m not giving anything to you, because what I have isn’t something that can just be given away for free.” 

He took a step closer. Around them, the crowd burst into applause, though Rey didn’t let it jolt her out of the moment. Neither did Ben. “You know I can take whatever I want.” 

“Not from me. Good night, Solo. Give your left hand my regards.” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm back with another update--thank you all so much, from the very bottom of my heart, for your comments and your kudos! They really help to motivate me to keep going. I'm so thrilled to have seen everyone's response to the last chapter, and cannot begin to express how much I look forward to reading what you all think about where the story is progressing.   
> Hope you're all having a wonderful weekend!

There was a part of her that felt guilty as all get out that she came as hard as she did when she got back home, fingers on her clit before she could even think about pulling out any toys to help take the edge off. It was just the combination of his words and the scenes she’d witnessed, she told herself as she bit her pillow to keep from moaning Ben’s name, hips jerking as she ground herself on her hands, whole chest heaving as she blinked away the lights that had popped behind her closed eyes. 

The second time was far slower, but no less intense, and accompanied by a video that had Rey panting as she rocked her hips in time with the vibrations she focused on her clit. It wasn’t as though she was getting some from anywhere else, so she’d make do with what she could get, when she wanted it. And if the man in the video had broad shoulders, thick thighs, and dark hair, then it was a happy, happy coincidence. 

Her wrist ached by the end of the night, though she’d keep that tidbit of information all to herself. 

 

REY: Why is your nephew such an ass? 

LUKE: What'd he do? You all but ran out of the house and he looked guilty before he went back to his jackassery

REY: I wasn't feeling well. He showed up at the club last night. Said some things. 

LUKE: Things you're still thinking about?

REY: Guess so. Is that weird?

LUKE: We'll talk about it when you come for your lessons. There's a few things you'll need to know if you're in his sights. 

 

She'd read over that last text, unable to fall asleep as her mind struggled to process it. They had a couple days until their scheduled meeting, and the fact that he said she was in Ben's sights made her wonder whether she shouldn't try to speed the meeting up. 

 

“So, Poe thinks you’re up to something nefarious.” 

Rey looked up from where she’d been staring at a stain on the tablecloth, her attention snapping onto a furious looking Poe who pinched Finn’s side, causing the latter to hiss in pain. She blinked a couple times, pulling herself out of the fog of thought she’d found herself lost in any time she had more than a half minute of silence, and watched as they wrestled playfully in front of her, nevermind the concerned and confused looks from the other coffee shop patrons. 

“Why do you say that?” she asked, wishing she sounded more innocent than she felt. Nefarious wasn’t necessarily a word she’d use to describe what she was in the middle of, but that they’d noticed something was off wasn’t entirely comforting. 

Finn hid a smirk as Poe spluttered, fingers lacing, then unlacing, around his coffee. “It’s not like  _ that _ ,” he muttered when Rey’s gaze didn’t let up. “I didn’t say nefarious. I said . . . unspeakable.” 

Rey’s eyebrows rose. That was better? 

Color rushed to his face as he spluttered and tried to dig himself out of the hole Finn had created for him. “What I mean--I mean you haven’t been talking all that much at all to be fair, so I don’t feel like it’s too far out of the realm of possibility for you to be involved or up to something--. But not that it’s bad. Just different.”

“Poe, spit it out.” 

“What  _ are  _ you up to?” he asked, the words flying from his mouth before he could help it, his eyes searching hers. Finn rubbed his upper back gently, and as Rey’s gaze tracked the movement she wondered if she’d ever have something like that. Something like  _ them _ . Was dating, coffee shop dating, movies on the weekends dating, regular walks in the park dating, even a thing that could be done in a relationship like what she was hoping to get involved in? 

“Who says I’m up to anything?”

“You’ve spent a lot of time alone lately,” Finn said before Poe could. “I mean. This is the first time I’ve seen you since we went out and you ran into that one guy. Ben, was it?”

She swallowed thickly. “Yeah, Ben.”

“Are you seeing him? Did you end up meeting up with him again afterwards? He’s a piece of shit, Rey, you can just  _ feel  _ how creepy he is--.” 

“No, no, I’m not seeing him.” Now it was her turn for her face to burn as she bit her bottom lip and dug her nails into the porcelain of her mug. Her tea had long since gone tepid, Rey’s mind elsewhere to the point that she didn’t even consider drinking it, and now she pointedly took a couple deep gulps to give her something else to focus on. “I just--I’m just relaxing, Finn. I studied so hard that I feel like my brain is only just pulling itself back together.” 

Based on Poe’s face, neither of them bought that. “Look,” Poe said, reaching over to rub his thumb over the back of her hand. “We’re not trying to pry. We just want to make sure you’re okay. Finn told me about that guy, and he seems like a huge creep. You don’t want to get messed up with someone who’s that possessive from the get go, who’s predatory like that. You don’t need someone who’s gonna try and dominate you in all aspects of your life.” 

Rey choked on her spit. Fuck, if only he knew. 

Poe’s expression softened. “I mean that in the least sexual way possible, pervert. But if you need help--if some creep isn’t leaving you alone. You know you’ve got Finn and I in your corner. Right?” 

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak as of yet. What could she say? Realistically, what could she say to them without it sounding as though she’d gone absolutely batshit, jumped off the deep end, crazy? Besides her gut feeling telling her that she was on the right track, that the belonging she’d been looking for was within her grasp, what evidence did she have that her plans and hopes weren’t going to cave in on her at the slightest pressure? 

“I know,” she said after a moment, when the silence had grown too loud in her own head and the weight of her questions threatened to open her jaw and spill her secrets. “I know, and thank you both. I really appreciate it.” She did, she always would appreciate their willingness to help her. Before she’d managed to move out on her own Rye had crashed on their couch more times than she cared to count, and still did if their place was closer than hers and she didn’t feel like Ubering home. 

A strange sort of guilt settled into her stomach as Finn easily changed the subject, detailing the argument that Poe and he had gotten into about the best pizza in town, determining that there was no other option than for them to have a pizza tasting to have Rey decide which was the best. She’d need to get better about splitting her time between them and her newest activities. It wasn’t as though Luke invited her over every day, but when she found a dom, found someone that she meshed well with, would they be as understanding? She’d checked off that she was interested in a live-in sort of situation. What would that mean for her friends? 

And how was she going to explain that she had a dominant when she couldn’t even tell them that she was in the midst of training to be a submissive? 

Shit, this was way more complicated than she’d ever thought. 

 

It wasn’t until she’d already gotten off the bus and made it to Luke’s house that he texted her to let her know he was running behind on some errands, and that he was sorry but could they reschedule for a different day. She read the message and forced herself to breathe slowly, to take in each word and concentrate on them before she acted He wasn’t blowing her off, he’d gotten caught up. Whatever that might’ve meant, whatever he might’ve been doing, that wasn’t necessarily a reflection back on her. He wasn’t replacing her. 

At least, there was nothing incriminating or thought provoking in his text to make her think so. 

Her gaze moved past the door she’d just prepared to knock on, to the enormous mansion that stood just beside Luke’s meagher home, and felt her heart stumble slightly. Maybe . . . maybe she should talk this over with Leia. Maybe double checking that her placement with Luke wasn’t a mistake would help to calm her mind. 

Han opened the door for her again, and this time the grin was teasing in nature as he stepped back to welcome her inside. “You aren’t gonna get sick on us again, are you?” he asked, eyes bright as he stared down at her. 

Rey felt her cheeks grow warm. “Uh, no. I mean no promises, but I’ll do what I can.” 

“Only teasing you, kid. Lighten up, or I’ll think Luke really is ruining you.” 

The flush of her cheeks only grew worse, but this time she allowed herself a small laugh all her own. “Oh, so you mean it’s not just me? That he always acts like he’s about to perform brain surgery, or give some sort of dissertation on mutating plagues?” 

That brought Han to laugh, and for the briefest moment Rey swore she could see his son reflected back at her in the mirth in his eyes. The way that he looked at her as though she was a puzzle, something he was hoping to solve. At least she knew where he got it. 

“That’s certainly one way of saying it. So. Where is your fearless leader?”

Wasn’t that the question of the hour? “Somewhere else. He let me know that he got caught up doing whatever it was, so I just thought . . . I dunno. I was hoping Leia was around, actually. So I could talk to her.”

The amusement left Han’s face, replaced with something akin to concern and curiosity, but it disappeared soon after as he shrugged and motioned her to follow after him. Not for the first time, Rey couldn’t help but wonder what his role was, exactly. He seemed to know what she was up to at all times, which would make sense since they lived together, but being that he was Ben’s father, and she saw Leia with the lovely purple-haired woman, Amilyn, where exactly did Han fit in?

He cleared his throat, bringing Rey’s attention back to the present. “We can see. She’s got a session right now, but she might be done.” 

“Are you Amilyn’s dom?” The words were out of her mouth before she could so much as process the fact that her filter stopped working. “Or are you one of Leia’s subs?” 

God, was she  _ drunk _ right now? Her eyes widened as her hands rose to cover her mouth far too late to do any good. Already she could feel the color simultaneously rising in her cheeks and raining from the rest of her to do so, mortification causing her body to lock up where she stood. She was an idiot, a grade A moron and fucking  _ rude  _ to top it all off. 

Han, to his great credit, just stared at her in shock, before his laughter followed moments later. Rey refused to let it assuage her worries, certain that she’d not so much stepped over the boundaries between herself and the other man, but rather pole vaulted over them. That had to be some unsaid BDSM rule that she just shattered. 

When he finally did speak, it was with a wide grin stretching his words. “You know kid, I like you. You ask all the questions everyone else is too chicken shit to think of. No. I don’t take part in any of Leia’s business. That’s her world, and I have mine. Our relationship is far more open. We tried the whole monogamy thing--it worked just long enough to give us Ben. Hasn’t worked since then, so we stopped fighting it.” 

From the other side of the hall came what sounded like a door opening, then shutting, followed by two soft, female voices that Rey swore she recognized. Han’s head turned to the side, and he reached over to clap her on the back. “Guess that’s our answer about whether or not she’s free. C’mon kid, if you don’t catch her now you’ll never get her.” 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the support on the latest chapter! Your words mean the absolute world to me, and I'm so grateful to have amazing readers like yourselves! I'm eager to see your thoughts on this latest chapter and everything it brings with it. Thanks again!

The mortification of Rey’s blunder hadn’t completely left her bones by the time they met up with Amilyn and Leia, the pair of them rosy cheeked and bright eyed, Amilyn stepping perhaps a little lighter as she kissed Leia and winked at Rey before she headed down the hall. She seemed to almost breeze along, though the longer Rey stared the more she realized there was a slight limp to her step. Where she was going Rey couldn’t even begin to guess, but something told her that a warm bath or some extra stretching wasn’t out of order. Would that have fallen under aftercare, she wondered? Was she keeping Leia from following up on that? According to Luke, and this had been one thing that Rey had wholeheartedly agreed with, caring for a submissive after bringing them through a scene was the most important part of a relationship, so it couldn’t have been that Leia didn’t abide by that rule. As she pulled herself out of her own head, she watched as Leia’s gaze followed her submissive, her expression fond, before she turned to look at her husband, and then at Rey. 

Her smile was a touch too knowing for Rey’s taste, as though to confirm that there wasn’t a thing that happened in the house that the matriarch didn’t know about. Still, she smiled all the same. “Rey, glad to see you’re feeling better.” 

Rey swallowed thickly, nodding. “Yes, thank you. I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” 

Leia just smiled and shook her head. “No. No, you’re just in time. I take it it’s a more private conversation?” she asked, looking from her husband to Rey, who nodded, averting her eyes so she didn’t have to see Han’s expression. She could all but feel his bemusement, especially when he snorted. “Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint. You two have fun. I’m gonna be at Lando’s if you need me.” 

“Give him my best,” Leia called at his retreating figure. When Rey chanced a glance upwards she saw the fondness in Leia’s expression, the way that her eyes crinkled at the edges and how her smile softened her thin lips. Before they could say anything else, Leia beckoned Rey to follow her back into her study, offering Rey the very same seat as before. This time, a glass of wine accompanied it, which Rey took with a gracious smile of her own and a murmur of thanks. 

“How are you finding your lessons? Luke says you’re learning, which is high praise from him. If someone doesn’t pick up on it immediately, he declares them a lost cause.” 

That got Rey’s attention. Her head snapped up from where she’d been staring at her glass, the wine forgotten as she felt some sort of lump start in her throat. Oh. So . . . that meant he hadn’t given up on her? Because sometimes it certainly seemed like it. She was halfway to saying it before Leia held up her hand as though to silence her. 

“He’s a grouchy fucker, but he’s good at what he does. He knows both sides of it, knows what makes a good submissive, and a good dominant. That’s why I set you up with him. No matter what he might act like--it comes from a good place.” She paused, as though considering her words. “At least ninety--no, eighty, percent of the time.”

Rey very nearly choked on her spit, lips parting in a wide grin that Leia mirrored back. It was odd, seeing her smiling and sitting back in her chair, as though the two of them were old friends and this was as regular an occurrence as anything. 

“What about the other twenty percent?” Rey asked when she’d finally managed to find the words, her eyes bright and the remains of her laughter tugging her lips upwards. 

That only creased the corners of Leia’s eyes further, and for one heart stopping moment, Rey realized that she and Ben had the exact same smiles. 

“Well, there’s no excuse for that, he’s just being a jackass because it’s what he’s good at. Though that may be, I hope he’s at least getting you the information you were hoping for.” 

Ah, there was the crux of it, Rey supposed. She bit her bottom lip, the laughter evaporating on the wings of Leia’s words, as she looked back down at the wine glass still in her hand. She heard Leia sit up in her seat, and felt the way the air changed around them. She needed to be honest, right? There was no sense in lying or hiding her disappointment with Luke’s particular sense of teaching, not when it would only make things all the more awkward if Leia determined that they were a good match. But still, that was her brother, and it was Leia’s decision to have placed them together. 

Carefully, Rey let the words sit on her tongue before speaking, allowing their weight to influence whether or not she decided they needed to be said. “Not exactly. Can I be honest with you?” 

“Please, by all means.” 

Rey took a quick sip of wine, and let it bolster her nerve. She could do this. “I don’t know that he and I are strictly compatible. I know he’s supposed to be teaching me the very basics, and I have the books to help guide me through what he’s getting across, but it doesn’t feel as though I’m learning much of anything except that I need to be patient. We went through the different aspects of a dominant and sub relationship, but he . . . he won’t touch me. When he looks at me, it’s like he’s seeing someone else. I know that I need to learn the basics, but I assumed that there would be a certain--practical aspect to it. A physical one. When I signed off on my limits I’d thought it was going to be a stepping stone for what he and I would do, but so far all it’s been is talk. Theory. It’s rather frustrating. And then there’s Ben--and holy  _ shit  _ the way I feel about him, and what I want him to do, what he promises to do--.” She felt her cheeks grow red, eyes flickering up, then widening with abject horror as she realized just what it was she was saying to Leia. To Ben’s mother. “He’s an--I mean. He’s not my dominant, and I know if you’d have thought it would’ve been a better match then obviously you might’ve paired us together--. But the way he talks to me, it.” She struggled to find words. How did one explain an all consuming fire, or put into words just how angry and how helpless he made her feel all at once? “It reminds me why I wanted to be part of this. And then everything just sort of fizzles out when I’m with Luke.” 

She felt breathless, winded, like she’d been running for miles without pausing for air. Like she’d swam the English Channel without coming up once to fill her lungs. Leia didn’t speak, and Rey let herself sink into the ponderous silence that screamed that Rey had overstepped her boundaries. That she’d been too familiar, too forward and assuming. What if Leia told her too bad, that she could deal with Luke or with nothing at all? Worse--what if she cut her loses right then, kicked her out before she could waste more of Luke’s not so precious time? 

“Good lord, Rey, has anyone ever told you that you have  _ the worst  _ poker face in the world? Don’t ever let Han trick you into playing cards with he and Lando, they’ll clear you out without having to try.” 

A surprised laugh left Rey before she could help it, and she knew her expression transformed into something akin to hope as she looked back to Leia. The woman had steppled her fingers in front of her, expression soft but still near unreadable. 

“There’s a reason I don’t gamble.” 

“Good girl,” Leia smirked. Rey would be lying if the words didn’t make her stomach knot. “I’ll be honest with you, Rey. I’ve noticed. I’d have to be blind, deaf, and more than a little ignorant to not notice how you and he seem to gravitate towards one another. Even before I asked him to help you with the wine glasses, the way he looked at you, and how your body seemed to mirror his without even realizing it--you two would make an incredible team. Luke even said so, and that he’s been pursuing you.”

Rey was about to open her mouth, to interject that Luke shouldn’t have said anything about it, before she stopped herself. Didn’t he have every right, as her teacher, to bring it up to the woman who’d put the two of them together? It was something that they’d already discussed, so it only made sense for him to bring it up to Leia, especially seeing as nothing had changed from Ben’s first attempt at coming on to her, to Rey biting him, and beyond that. 

“Yes.” 

“And do you want him to? It’s okay to admit it. Some of us like to be chased, others like to chase. Ben--Ben is certainly a chaser.” 

She could say that again. It was all he knew what to do, it seemed, and some deep part of Rey knew that she didn’t mind it. She never would. 

“I want to do what you think is best for me. You know better than I do what this world is about, and I trust you,” Rey said, watching as Leia’s expression softened. “I trust Luke, too. In some ways more than others.” He’d never hurt her, but would he truly be able to help? That remained to be seen. 

Leia took a sip, mulling over Rey’s words as she sat back, expression pensive. There was a poker face if Rey had ever seen one. “Ben--hasn’t had the easiest of introductions to this world. Not long ago he was part of a shitty counter club, one that definitely gave him all the wrong ways of going about things. One that put ideas into his head about what his role as a dominant should be. He’s not . . . gentle, Rey. The things I’ve seen him do at an exhibition, the way he carried himself, and treated his submissive. Rough is a reductive term to describe how he used to view his position.” Leia wet her lips, and Rey sat forward, her mind reeling with the information. Just how many different communities, clubs, were there? And how had she lived here for so long without knowing about them, wasted so many times and nights on shitty one night stands when she could’ve gotten involved sooner? 

Would she and Ben have met then? Would she have been one of his submissives that he’d been too hard with? 

“He’s working on it, on getting his head straightened out, but there were some parts of it that spoke to him, seduced him, and he might not ever be able to detach from. He’s not a good first pick for a dominant. Luke may be fixating on theory, but Ben--Ben’ll chew you up and spit you back out without any care for your state. It’s going to be a long time before I can try and break him of that habit and mindset.” 

Oh. Rey tried to fix her face so that her disappointment wouldn’t show, but it was pointless when Leia was just that quick at reading her. She leaned over, placed one hand overtop of Rey’s, and squeezed. “It’s not the answer you want, but I cannot in good conscious subject you to that, no matter what he may promise or what he may assure you. He’s just not ready. Neither are you.” 

 

Luke caught up with her just as she was leaving the house, preparing to head back to the bus, certain that he’d forgotten about her when she hadn’t been there immediately. His cheeks were a little rosy, his eyes inquisitive as they searched hers, and he reached out to rest his hand on her shoulder, as though anticipating anchoring her there. She wished she didn’t want to lean into it as she did. “I’m sorry to have kept you waiting,” he said. “Why don’t you come inside and we can talk. I’ll make you some tea.” 

Rey murmured her thanks as she followed him back, but her head was too full with what Leia had told her to absorb much of anything he’d be teaching her that day. She wished it wasn’t that way, that she could just write Ben off as a bad job, a lost cause as Leia suggested. She ought to have done it after his last comment, after how pushy he’d been from the very get go. If he’d shocked Leia, who’d been at this longer than either of them had been alive, wasn’t that a sign in itself that he was bad news? 

So why couldn’t she get him out of her head? 

Luke’s home was warm, verging on familiar given how often he’d had her over now, and she thanked him for the tea when he brought it to her. He took a seat on the chair opposite where she’d perched herself on the couch, searching her expression even as she sought to hide it by fixating on the warm mug in her hand. It was never too hot for tea as far as she was concerned, and the steam prickling across her cheeks helped to take her mind off of the bombshells of truth that Leia had dropped. 

“My sister upset you. What’s wrong?” 

Dammit, why did she bother trying to hide anything? She cleared her throat. “She told me a bit about Ben. I was . . . curious why she’d set you and I up together. Not that I’m not learning, and not that I’m not grateful,” she hastened to say before he could take anything personally. “But I wondered--I can tell I’m not your type. You’ve made it clear, and that’s okay. I just thought--I thought that if it would be easier for Ben to take me, then you wouldn’t have to teach me.” She had to clear her throat again, teeth gnawing on the inside of her cheek to try and pull her attention back to the present, and away from the conversation that had her questioning whether or not she’d actually be able to find what she was looking for here. “But she told me that was a bad idea. That Ben isn’t good for beginners.” 

Luke’s following laugh was short, almost bark-like, as he shook his head and propped his elbows on his shoulders. “You could say that, in the way that you could say a snowstorm is cold, blinding, and life threatening. Ben ran with a club known as the First Order. If you’ve not heard of them then you’re not missing out on anything.” 

“But why?” The words were out before she could think of stopping them. “I mean--I know how bad it can get. You can’t Google BDSM without finding some story about a guy that strangled his girlfriend after reading the wrong book, or taking it too far after watching porn and thinking they could do whatever they wanted because they were Dominants. But Ben hasn’t killed anyone.” A newfound sense of dread filled her gut, and nausea rolled its way down her throat. “...Has he?” 

Luke’s lack of an immediate response didn’t help her anxiety, didn’t silence the pressing worry in her that she’d somehow dodged a bullet in turning him down the last couple times. It sure as hell didn’t make her feel any better about the fact that she still wanted him, wanted those wide palms and long fingers to make her come apart at the edges. Playing with fire didn’t seem a strong enough expression for what tangling with Ben Solo would’ve been, but to burn along with him had always seemed worth it. 

“No. He hasn’t killed anyone. The First Order was--is, unfortunately it's still around--not a club for beginners to go and learn the dynamics of a dominant and submissive relationship. I cannot stress enough to you the importance of knowing and respecting limitations, of the mutual trust that needs to be there between two consenting adults. Without that, you’re signing off on damage not only to your body, but to your mind. The First Order doesn’t recognize trust, or open communication. It doesn’t emphasize a two-way street. There is only the dominant and their wishes, and the submissive that takes it. That’s how Ben learned. He was groomed, as soon as he turned 18 and decided he wanted to make a name for himself, to take over that club. That mentality was so deeply ingrained in him, in everyone that participated and thought to be a part of Snoke’s mockery of a society, that it became as natural as breathing. Absolute obedience was expected. Demanded. Anything less than that resulted in either dismissal, or public humiliation or flagellation.” He wet his lips, leaving Rey to examine the chill that had fallen over her, the horror and disbelief that leached all blood from her face and left her shivering. 

“And he went there willingly?” she asked, voice soft, disbelieving. Why would anyone want to be a part of that? "To work with this--this Snoke?"

Luke sucked his teeth, and Rey felt her heart plummet. “Yes. Leia will swear up and down that Snoke, the man who’d run the club for decades, had made a target of Ben as soon as he was old enough to get away with it, but it was Ben ultimately that broke his mother’s heart and decided that his need for absolute power superseded any desire for basic human decency.” 

A pause. Rey set the mug down, the tea having already started to grow lukewarm. “But he came back? Of his own will?” 

Something like distaste flashed across Luke’s face, and for the briefest of moments Rey could tell that he was weighing his words carefully, measuring them to keep from giving too much away. What wasn’t he telling her? “Kicking and screaming, rather than willingly, but yes. He gave it up, about a year and a half ago. He’s been trying to make amends since. Adapt to Leia’s rules, even if he acts as though it’s killing him all the while. It’s that, or he leaves the lifestyle completely.” 

That didn’t sound like he voluntarily left, but more of an ultimatum. Rey’s chest felt tight, and she twisted her hands in her lap until they were red and nearly raw. “I see.” 

“Do you?” 

She looked up and wished she hadn’t, wished Luke wasn’t looking at her as though he doubted it. “Yes. I do.” 

“Then you’ll understand why my sister wants to keep him away from you, especially now. It’s not safe for you.” 

But he came back. Ben came back, Ben turned. Even if it wasn’t his idea, even if he rebelled against it, he’d not done anything terrible enough to be kicked out. He’d been given a second chance, and took it. Wasn’t that reason enough to at least believe he wasn’t a complete lost cause?

 

Her bed felt particularly empty that night, while her head couldn’t have been any further of an opposite, still swimming, still dissecting the truth and stories that Leia and Luke had told her. What would she be getting herself in to by saying yes to Ben, by taking up any of the offers he’d come to her about? She was glad for the truth, for knowing just where it was he came from, and what he was working to do--or undo, in his past--but it’d done little to put off the way she burned to still think about him. 

Maybe all he needed was the right partner. Not someone who was used to being submissive, but someone still learning. Someone with an edge, who wouldn’t take his commands at the drop of a hat, and would remind him that there were rules that both sides had to adhere to. 

Her phone vibrated on the bedside table, and her hand reached out to unlock the screen out of pure instinct, expecting to see either Luke or Finn’s name flashing across the screen. The number she saw, instead, was a new one, unknown to her or her phone. Her heart quickened, eyes skimming the text, then reading it again, slower this time. 

 

UNK NUMBER: There’s another exhibition tonight. Smaller venue, more intimate. Upper East Side. Join me? 

REY: Uhhh, who are you? 

UNK NUMBER: Well, it’s not as though Luke offers to go with you to these sort of things, is it? 

UNK NUMBER: What if I promise you’ll enjoy it? 

UNK NUMBER: Do something unexpected for a change.

UNK NUMBER: Rey. Please.

REY: There. Was that so hard? Text me the location, and maybe I’ll see you there.


	10. Chapter 10

Ben wasn’t kidding when he’d said it was a small venue. One might even call it  _ intimate _ . The brownstone was larger than her whole apartment, larger than Luke’s home, but something about the way the furniture in the living room was set up to form a sort of half circle made her palms sweat and her chest ache with how hard her heart beat against her ribs. While from the outside it seemed as though the home was well lit, inside told a different story, and the dimmed sconces on the deep navy walls cast the room in a sort of ethereal, soft glow that fit in perfectly with the bare woman already laying on a sumptuous looking black rug. Her olive skin glowed as if she was alight from within, her eyes dark and glossy as she stared up at the ceiling. Her breathing kept steady, even as the guests took their seats around her, boxing her in. Slowly, Rey breathed through her nose, and meandered her way to a seat just on the edge of the half circle when a firm hand caught her by the elbow. 

“Invitation, miss,” said a low voice, a tall, nearly monumental man asked her, his small eyes hard as he gave her a slow up down. 

Rey wet her lips, feeling her palms begin to sweat. Invitation? Would the text with the address be enough? “I--I don’t have--.” 

His eyebrows rose, and his voice lowered. “Then you don’t belong here, do you? In fact, you must be lost. Come with me.” His grip tightened.

Rey felt indignation mix with her panic, and her cheeks grew warm in embarrassment. “Wait,” she started. “I’m meeting someone--.” 

The bouncer’s gaze darkened, and Rey tried to pull away. “Miss, I won't ask again. Next we’ll be making a scene, and you don’t want that.” 

“Sweetheart, there you are.” 

Rey had never been so happy to hear Ben’s voice before, and her lips twisted in a wide, grateful smile as Ben wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her to his side as he kissed her nearest temple. She didn’t have it in her to pull away, not when there were appearances to keep up. If some small part of her liked it, she kept that buried deep, deep down. That was a reaction to be examined at a far, far later date, preferably while alone. The bouncer paled at the sight of Ben. 

“Mr. Solo, sir. My apologies. I didn’t realize she was your--your.” His eyes scanned Rey’s neck, and his frown deepened. 

“Date,” Ben supplied with a pointed smile, tugging Rey to follow after him, towards a pair of seats further away from the door and up at the very front of the other side. “You got here quickly,” he murmured in her ear, lips very nearly brushing against her skin. 

Rey tried not to shiver. “Not fast enough to have met with you before nearly losing my spot, it seems.” 

Ben laughed. “No, I’d say not. Sit.” He pulled a chair out for her, smiling as she did so. His long fingers stroked her hair gently as he took the seat by her side and she wished it didn’t feel so good. When he tugged ever so slightly she had to dig her nails into her palms to keep from moaning. She was only human, and it’d been so long since she’d gotten her hair pulled, let alone  _ fucked  _ hard enough along with it--. 

Thinking that way was only going to get her into trouble. It would’ve been easier to listen to Leia, to listen to Luke’s warnings, but she hadn’t. She wasn’t. Where would be the fun in that? 

“I’m surprised you showed up at all,” Ben said softly as the woman on the rug shivered and skittered her fingers over her plush breasts, her waist, dipped them between her thighs. She was careful not to truly touch herself, only to tease. To build and stoke the fire Rey felt herself just under her rib cage. 

“Well, when you ask nicely you’d be amazed at what it gets you,” she bit back, feeling her skin prickle under the intensity of his stare. Her dress, her only all black garment, rode a little higher than she would’ve worn elsewhere, but now Ben capitalized on her shifting, lifting hemline. He slipped his hand down onto her exposed knee, and squeezed. She refused to gasp. 

“I don’t ask,” he murmured. “I take.” 

“You chase,” she growled, shifting her knee away as delicately as she could manage. “It’s not the same.” Her words were inaudible over the arrival of the dominant, who stepped in from opposite where they sat, and stood just to the side of his sub. The woman whimpered as she looked up at him, eyes blown wide. Wordlessly, she slid onto her knees, sitting back on her heels, while her dom undid his belt so that he could wrap it around her hands, now folded in her lap. Her back straightened, her lips parted, and her dom cupped the side of her face, pressing a finger past her parted lips for her to suck on. 

Rey made sure to shift her leg out of his reach again when he reached again. “If you wanted to play grab ass you should have sat at the back. And asked nicely. I’m not your submissive.” 

Ben was grinning in spite of her refusal, she could feel it in the way he practically vibrated against her. This time, when he reached out towards her again, his fingers were slow as they skirted over the smooth skin of her knee, patterning spirals and random shapes as he went. She had to keep herself from shivering, watching the submissive in front of them tremble when her dominant stroked the side of her face, before reaching back to grab her hair, long since slicked back into a ponytail. He tugged her head backwards, and she gasped as she stared up at him, his next command for her to lay on her back not so much spoken aloud as vibrated through the whole crowd. Rey’s felt herself sitting up on her seat, Ben abandoning her knee so she could move forward for a better look. The dominant edged his sub’s legs wider, and reached towards the side to grasp a bar with two clasps on either end. Rey felt her throat burn at the idea of being opened up like that, unable to close yourself off or stop anyone from looking. Or acting. 

That was what she wanted: the surrender. The utter trust that the submissive stared up at her dominant with, willingly let herself go pliant as he attached the cuffs to either of her ankles, then extended the bar as far as it would go, until it looked nearly uncomfortable. The woman whimpered as the man brought his hand between her legs, crouching beside her and giving her cunt a small, wet swat, the sound of which reverberated in Rey’s head as she pressed her thighs together. 

Something was bothering the very edge of her conscious, making the hair on her arms stand on end, and all it took was a look to her side to realize what the problem was. Ben wasn’t watching the exhibition, he was staring pointedly at her, not even bothering to try and hide the fact that he couldn’t have given much of a damn about what was going on. It was rude, Rey thought, crossing her arms mostly to hide how her body reacted to his unwavering attention. 

He leaned over to her ear, and she pulled away, not wanting to hear the jibe she was sure he had planned. No, instead she nudged his ankle with her foot, wishing she was able to put a little more force into it as she hissed: “You really ought to be paying attention, then you might actually learn how this is done.” 

She wasn’t able to turn away quickly enough to miss the way his eyes flashed, how anger and lust warred for placement on his face, or how his knuckles went white as he moved them to clench his knees. Rey allowed herself to relax for the moment, triumphant in the knowledge that she’d once more gotten the last laugh, even if some deep part of her wasn’t so sure that was for the best. That same instinct kept telling her to run, and run fast, but she instead allowed herself to relax back against her chair, part her legs ever so slightly, and lose herself in the scene unfolding in front of her. 

Legs spread wide, and arms pulled above her head, the submissive was tormented in front of them until her body was flushed from head to toe. Her back arched so far it looked as though she might might break as her dominant guided her to the edge of climax over, and over, until Rey felt as if her own completion was being pulled out of her grasp every time he refused her. The woman’s skin was covered in a thin sheet of sweat that dripped down the valley of her breasts and the curve of her navel. Her dominant, to his credit, remained stoic throughout the whole scene, and only when he allowed her to come did his expression break into that of a wide, proud grin. 

Rey felt her heart nearly skip at that. It was as though her victory, her pleasure, was his own, and as the woman’s moans filled the small room and the spaces in between, Rey couldn’t help but feel on edge herself. She’d never used her vibrator as often as she had since she’d delved into this world, but could she really be blamed?

 

She wasn’t sure that Ben would speak to her when it had ended, certain that he was too affronted to want to have anything else to do with her, but as the intimate gathering rose and began to head towards the doors, Ben slid his nearest hand around her wrist. 

“How about a nightcap?” he asked, voice soft in her ear. “You’re far too beautiful to only be out for an hour or so before returning home.” 

But she had an almost guaranteed orgasm waiting for her at home! 

_ If you play your cards right, you might have an almost guaranteed one in the man beside you _ , some traitorous voice whispered in her mind. Before the realization that she’d agreed sank in, she was in the passenger seat of his car, buckled in, and watching the city crawl by outside her window as traffic kept them trapped in the leather seats for longer than either of them wanted. Ben kept shooting furtive glances her way, his lips pressed tight and knuckles gone white on the steering wheel. Rey had a hard time keeping her legs steady, the left wanting to bounce out of habit, out of a desire to burn off the excess, nervous energy hardwiring her brain to take in every little detail about what they were doing. A nightcap didn’t sound entirely innocent, certainly not when Ben Solo was the one offering it, but the bar he drove them to looked lovely, not too small to insinuate they might be the only ones, but certainly not so large that they got lost. 

Getting lost with him didn’t sound like all that conducive a plan, not if she wanted to maintain a level of professionalism with him that he didn’t seem to give a shit about.

The booth they sidled into, Ben sitting just opposite her, was secluded enough to make her heart race, but their waitress was sweet and didn’t let herself get scared off by Ben’s abrupt answers to her inquiries. It wasn’t until they were alone, with the sound of the other patrons muffled only by the soft instrumental coming from overhead, that Rey saw Ben’s eyes grow dark. 

“What did you think of the exhibition?” he asked, left arm slung over the back of the booth, right fingers tapping a sporadic beat against the crystal of his glass. Rey’s fingers were laced around her own glass, the aromatics from her Moscow mule making her head spin. 

“I thought it was interesting. How come there aren’t many male submissives at these shows? I think I’ve only seen a couple, and they were at your mother’s house. The first time I was there.” 

Ben gave a shrug. “It’s not that there aren’t. It just depends on the day that you go to visit, which house it is that’s throwing it, or which couple volunteers that for an evening. I chose this one because I know this couple, and something told me they might be more up your alley, but if you’d prefer next time we can find a different session with a male submissive.”

Next time, implying that this would happen again. He slipped those two words in so effortlessly she didn’t think twice until she was already nodding along to signify that she’d like that. His lips were already curling upwards by the time she realized what she’d agreed to, and Rey took a deep drink in order to keep herself from cursing.  _ Asshole _ . He knew exactly what game he was playing. 

“What’d you think of the show? Too tame for your tastes, I bet?” she asked, her words carrying a bite to them that they hadn’t before. 

Ben frowned, and the arm reaching over the edge of the booth pulled back as he leaned closer to her. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, I just mean. That.” She was floundering, and the intensity of his look was only making her stumble over her words all the more. “You’re used to a far more hardcore style of BDSM, aren’t you? That was how you were trained--. So tonight, it was probably not as intense or hardcore as you like it. Or liked it.” 

What was it about this night that was turning her into such an idiot? 

The world might as well have stopped around them. Ben’s stare pinned her where she sat, stealing her breath as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. “Was it my mother, or Luke, that told you that?” 

Shit, shit shit shit. Why had she opened her damn mouth? “Told me what?” she asked, hoping he might buy it. Somehow, some way. “It was just a guess given how rough you are--.” 

“You’ve never seen me with a submissive,” he cut her off. “So. Luke, or Leia?” 

Dammit. “Both. They both warned me that I shouldn’t . . . That you wouldn’t be a good fit for me. Because of your intensity. Is it true?” 

He snorted, rolling his eyes. “I don’t give my submissives more than what they can stand, which is a fair amount. There’s a certain euphoria that can be obtained through pain. You know it as well as I do. Someone pulling your hair too tight, running their nails across your skin with a touch too much pressure.” He sat closer, his voice growing hoarse. Rey wished it didn’t send goosebumps down her arms. “Fingers gripping your hips until they bruise. Riding that line between too much pleasure, and pain. There’s a magic in the force of it all, and I take my submissives through their trials with all the sincerity and seriousness of a baptism. Taking the plunge is terrifying, yet made easier with someone pressing you into the water. When you come back up for air, you feel holy.” His left hand reached for hers, fingers skating over the back of her hand. She very nearly shivered. 

“Tell me, Rey. Does Luke ever make you feel that way?” 

She lost her voice, and so had to shake her head, not able to look away as the corners of his lips turned upwards in a satisfied smile. He knew that, something deep inside of her told her, but she couldn’t find it inside of her to care much. 

“Why don’t you come sit next to me, little girl, and I’ll show you how good holy can feel? Come on.” 

Her thighs were soaked, and if she stand he’d be able to tell, be able to smell how aroused she was by his words alone and the images they brought with them. Her mouth was dry, but the vodka in her drink was making her head spin. Making his words sound all the more enticing. When he slid the blunt edges of his nails against the inside of her wrist, having easily tore her hand away from the chilled glass, she felt herself exhale harshly. 

“Even better, Rey. Why don’t you come sit on my lap?” His eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly, and she felt as though she was falling into them, head first, without a lifejacket. He’d be hard already, no way would he not be aroused at what they were just talking about, and feeling that right where she needed it, even with several layers of clothes between them--. 

She stood, knees shaking, and edged her way to his side, allowing him to put his hands on her waist and seat her overtop his thick thighs, her ass pressed up against his hard cock. A thrill raced up her spine as he cupped her chin and turned her face to the side so she had to look at him, had to face the choice she’d made. 

She knew, staring at him then and there, she’d make that decision over and over again. 

“I’m going to kiss you, Rey,” he said, and she felt his chest vibrate between them with his words. “I’m going to kiss you until you’re breathless, and then I’m going to kiss you some more. I’m going to put my hand up your skirt, and feel how wet you are for me, little one. I’m going to drive you home after that, and you’re going to call me as you play with your pretty little clit and come for me, all the while thinking of my fingers. Do you want that, Rey?” 

God, yes. She was dizzy for it, her lips just centimeters from his and she couldn’t seem to remember that he’d moved any closer. His cock throbbed against her, and she very nearly whimpered as he undulated hs hips ever so slightly, parting her legs in the process. 

“Rey. I need a yes before I do anything. I need you to tell me you want--.” 

“ _Yes_. Yes I want those things--all of them.” And so many, many more. 

His full lips twisted into a sinful grin, expression too heated for public, and when he finally closed the distance between them to press his lips to hers, it felt like a bargain she’d signed in blood. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last . . . some semblance of action! Thank you all so much for commenting, for keeping me going with your supportive words. Your love for this fic makes it all the easier to write, and I cannot express just how grateful I am for such amazing readers. I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this chapter. Seriously, so excited.   
> Thanks again!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God, you guys! I woke up to a barrage of wonderful, amazing comments, and I love every single one of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.   
> And I hope you enjoy this next chapter even more :3

Ben’s lips were softer than she could’ve thought, parting for her and swallowing her resulting moan. His tongue slid against her bottom teeth, Rey shuddered in his lap, shifting herself ever so slightly on his lap so she wouldn’t have to turn so sharply. Fuck, this was better than it had any right to be. He sucked on her lower lip, taking it between his teeth until it grew swollen and thick, before releasing it so he could explore the curves and angles of her mouth. It was as though he meant to eat her alive. His right hand cupped the back of her neck, holding her in place so that she couldn’t move if she wanted to, and oh, she didn’t want to. Her hands balanced on his shoulders, fingers digging into the fabric of his suit as she struggled to keep from melting into him entirely.

Easier said than done, especially when his other hand played with the notches of her spine, running a finger lightly up her back until she whimpered against his mouth. They separated for air, and the hand traveling down her spine slid further south, rounding the curve of her ass as Ben watched intently for her reaction. 

Her legs parted further when he skirted around her hemline, and with a wide grin Ben slid his hand closer to her core, wasting no time in seeking out her cunt. 

He hissed through his teeth, letting her head turn to face front as he peppered kisses down the side of her neck. “Fuck, Rey, you’re dripping for me. Are you thinking about all of the terrible, depraved things you’d like me to do to you? All the different ways you want me to tie you up, to fuck you until you can’t walk? Take a crop to your backside, spread your legs and lock them in with a bar. Plug your ass and take you until you’re crying for me to stop? I bet you’d look so beautiful with tears streaming down your face. Debauched. Defiled. And you’d love every damn second of it, wouldn’t you?” As he spoke, he alternated trailing his fingers against the outline of her slit, and curling them around her clit, always through the fabric. It would’ve been so easy for him to push the cotton aside, to press a finger or three inside of her, and fingerfuck her to completion, but no. She was panting, desperate for more friction, desperate to come, but he refused to give it to her. As she rocked her hips against his hand, he stopped. 

“What? What’re you doing?” she demanded, voice broken and hoarse, rocking her hips forward again so at least she was getting some of that friction. 

He pulled his fingers away, and pinched in the inside of her thigh. Hard. She squealed.

“It’s endearing how you think you can demand action from me, little girl. I think we’re done here for the evening. You can think about what you’ve done when you’re coming on your fingers and wishing it was mine making you writhe instead.” 

No. Nononono. She turned and buried her face in his shoulder, straddling his hips as she did so in an effort not only to make him change his mind, but to rub her cunt against the outline of his cock. A throat being cleared from her right had her stopping in her tracks, however, a fresh terror lancing its way across her chest. 

They were in public. In a bar. In a booth, yes, but very much where others could see them. Oh  _ God _ . She was such an idiot!

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you two to tone it down.” The voice speaking was decidedly male, authoritative, and Rey pulled away from Ben without so much as looking at whoever was talking. She didn’t want them to see the shame in her eyes, the embarrassment that was only making her flushed cheeks all the more red. 

“We were just about to leave. Here.” Ben reached into his pocket and produced a credit card, Rey catching the triumphant grin on his face as he handed it over, and the man came back with their bill a few moments later. She kept her head down as they stepped from the building, Ben’s fingers laced with hers, and refused to so much as say anything until they were back in the car. 

“We’re never doing that again.” 

“Nonsense. I thought you liked exhibitonism.” 

How did he know that? She folded and unfolded her hands in her lap, trying not to sneak glances at his hands from the corners of her eyes, the very same thick fingers that’d been so determinedly aloof when she’d needed them most. “Not like that. That was embarrassing.” 

“There’s going to be a great deal of embarrassing moments when you’re intimate with someone, let alone when you’re doing more than just fucking. Best swallow it down now, little girl. I promise the rewards are worth it.” He patted her leg, squeezing her knee until her heart stuttered. “Besides. Some part of you enjoyed it, enjoyed the idea that all those patrons were watching us. Watching you, needy little thing that you are. I could’ve had you laid out on that table, could have been balls deep inside you, and you’d have put on quite the show for them. They wanted you, Rey, but none of them can offer what I can.” 

Her toes curled in her shoes, but she allowed his hand to remain where it was, wishing it didn’t make her so damn excited to think about the scene he was drawing up for her. He had a point about her liking the idea of being in front of a crowd, of being bared to the view of the public, having them all watching her with lust and desire yet knowing she was untouchable because she belonged to someone else. 

Because she  _ belonged.  _

“Where’s your apartment?” 

She rattled off the address, and Ben started up his car, turning out onto the empty road. He fiddled with the radio station, settling on a station specializing in what they called “late night lo-fi beats,” and as the bass reverberated in Rey’s bones, Ben’s hand slid a little further up her thigh. She inhaled, right hand gripping the leather armrest so hard she left indentations, as he pulled her skirt up and around her upper thighs. He stopped once the fabric showed the edges of her panties, her skin bathed deep red from the stoplight keeping them in place in the middle of an empty intersection. Neither of them seemed to mind, Ben’s gaze seeking out the black lace of her panties that he’d felt before. Rey inched forward, letting her skirt slip up past the curve of her ass to show off more skin, and more of the silk. He didn’t reach out to touch her, pulling his hand away instead with a determination that had his jaw set in a hard line. Rey frowned. What the hell was he doing?

“Touch yourself.” 

Her? What? They were a good ten or so miles from her apartment, and given that they kept hitting red lights, there was no reason he couldn’t get her off! He’d been so eager to touch her before that she reached over to take him by the wrist and drag his hand back towards her cunt, but he wouldn’t allow it. His hand smacked her thigh again, and Rey actually yelped in surprise. 

“I said touch yourself, little girl. Or I’ll pull over and spank you until you can’t sit down again. Do you want to have to explain that to Luke the next time you see him?” 

Oh fuck.  _ Fuck _ . She felt lightheaded, as though the world had come off its axis and she was without gravity. Right hand trembling, she reached between her legs and rubbed at her clit through the fabric of her panties. A heavy, relieved sigh left her lips at the pressure, the bundle of nerves practically throbbing as she rolled it slowly in small circles. 

There came a honk from behind, the driver behind them laying on his horn, as neither Ben or Rey had noticed the light changing green. Ben sped forward, foot practically pushing the pedal to the floor as they tore through the intersection, still glancing back down at her hand as she eased her fingers up and down her slit, pushing aisde the fabric so she could dip a finger inside her sex. The whole car smelled like her arousal, and she worried she might leave a stain on the seat if she wasn’t careful, but  _ oh  _ it felt wonderful to have the heat of his eyes on her as she slid that finger deep inside of her. She moaned quietly, curling the finger upwards as her hips rocked in time with her wrist movements. This time, when they hit another red light, Ben put the car in park and turned his whole body to watch her, eyes fixed on her finger disappearing into her body. 

“Is that how you like it, slow and deep? So you can feel every inch as it presses into your body?” he asked, licking his lips as though he was starved for her cunt. 

“I like it however you can give it to me, Ben.” 

His lips curled back. “Sir,” he corrected. “I won’t tell you again.” 

Sir. Sir felt formal, felt official, as though she’d agreed to be his the minute she let him press his lips to hers. She’d gone against Leia’s wishes, Luke’s warnings, and now Ben was telling her to call him  _ Sir _ , as if the transfer of dominance had passed to him without consent from any other parties. 

She let her lips part in a smile, easing her head back and against the headrest. “You have to earn that title, Ben.” 

“Give me an hour alone, uninterrupted, with you and I will. Invite me back up to your room and I will.” 

_ Ah,  _ there was the crux of it. She eased a second finger inside of her and whined as she scissored herself open. “I’m tired, tonight. Another time.” 

“No,” he growled, and her eyes opened to look at him. He looked as though he was almost in pain, his dark eyes searching hers, lips still swollen and parted. Cock straining against the tight confines of his pants, illuminated in the red light in front of them. 

It changed not half a second later, and Rey looked out past the windshield. “Green now.” 

Ben swore, and the car zipped down the street, altogether too quick and too slow for her to resist teasign herself--and Ben, by extension. She moaned loudly as her heel rubbed up against her clit, and the car stuttered if only for a second, as though he was considering just pulling over to the side of the road. As if he’d made up his mind to help her and her “problem.” 

When he stopped just outside her apartment, a sense of relief and disappointment crawled over her, and she pulled her fingers free of her cunt with a loud squelch. Without waiting for instruction, she pressed her fingers past her lips, sucking her juices free from her digits, and trying not to smirk as she heard the leather of Ben’s steering wheel creak as his hands tightened over it. 

His gaze was murderous when she looked over in his direction, and she purposefully kept her eyes as wide and innocent as she could manage, hardly able to tamp down on her glee. “Oh. Did you want a taste?” 

He actually looked down at her cunt for a moment, before staring back up at her. “And if I said yes?” 

“I’d tell you to wait until next time.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek, letting her lips linger a second or two too long, but when he tried to move his head to meet her lips she pulled back and let herself out of the car, pulling her skirt down as she went. “Thanks for the ride. Have a great night.” 

“Call me,” he growled, all but shaking as she closed the door in his face. It must’ve killed him that he couldn’t go after her, that she didn’t invite him back up to her apartment, but as she made her way to the door he watched her the entire time. She could feel him, feel the weight of his gaze on her back as she let herself in, before heading upstairs. 

She’d barely made it past the first landing when she had her phone in hand, and his number dialing out. 

 

“God, you’re fucking gorgeous, little girl. Do you know that?” His voice was harsh on the other end, broken by his heavy panting as Rey whimpered on the other end, the phone propped between her ear and shoulder, her fingers working furiously on her clit as she fucked herself with one of her favorite dildos. He didn’t have to know how it was she was getting herself off, only that she was doing it, and he was hearing every single glorious second. “You sat on my lap like you were fucking meant to be there, you fit so perfectly. Can’t wait to press my cock into you. Fuck you silly, until you don’t remember your name.” 

God, he liked to talk, didn’t he? She just whined, abandoning her dildo in favor of turning on her speaker so she could place the phone between her breasts, and get back to work. Fuck, that was so much better. She arced the dildo upwards so that the rounded, curved head rubbed perfectly where she needed it to, then pressed the button on the very bottom to add vibration. Ohhh, yes yes yes that was what she needed. She moaned, loudly, and could practically hear Ben’s grin on the other end. 

“You like that idea, little girl? You like the thought of Sir sticking his cock deep inside you, making you come all over it? All day. When you’re mine I’m never going to let you out of my  _ sight _ , gonna keep you in bed until I’ve had you every way possible.” 

“That’s-- _ ah _ \--a big when,” she couldn’t help but counter, even if the idea made some twisted, illogical part of her clench with happiness. 

“I’m not fucking you until you say you’re mine. So how long can you hold out?” he asked, half condescending sneer, half curiosity, the latter bleeding into the end to turn his words up into an actual question. 

She knew all about waiting, and smirked as she moaned loudly as though to answer back. “Depends.”

“On what?” 

“On how soon my vibrator dies.” 

She came with a groan as Ben swore on the other side of the line, feeling as though she might pass out from the euphoria of getting the better of him again. One thing, she knew without having to be told: she was in deep trouble if she ever did decide to take him on as her dominant. As her teacher. Something told her Ben Solo wasn’t the sort of man to forget a slight, but that was just a hunch. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, thank you guys so much for all of the amazing feedback! You're all wonderful, exceptional people, and I am so thankful to have you as readers. I hope you enjoy this next update--can't wait to hear what you think! :D

Finn had been begging for a movie night, and after asking Luke if they could reschedule one of their (increasingly frustrating) sessions, Rey had offered up her apartment as the host home for them. Seven o’clock brought with it Finn, Poe, and Rose, BB smuggled in one of Rose’s oversized totes so that Rey’s nosey neighbors wouldn’t see them bringing in the small, fluffy corgi. Rey set one of her leftover peanut butter jars down for the pup as soon as Rose hoisted him out of her bag, and she’d never seen his little butt wiggle so hard and so fast in her life. Hugs and greetings were exchanged as Poe set down the boxes of the finest cheap pizza around on the coffee table, and after loading up their paper plates with the greasy double pepperoni double cheese slices, and popping a couple tops off some extra bottles of cheap beer. 

The group settled into a contented haze of good food and shitty exposition, a friend of a friend of Rose’s having gotten her a decent copy of the latest action blockbuster. Rey couldn’t help but smirk as the main character, an overacting, overrated man nearing his fifties made bedroom eyes at the twenty-something written to play his exact foil, and his downfall. Outside of the bright lights of the camera crew, and the written-for-them dialogue that Poe couldn’t help but mock just to make Finn and Rose snort, they would’ve never worked. There was no spark, nothing to insist that they would’ve been the match made in heaven that the movie was making them out to be. Just because he was surly and she was slowly teaching him to relax didn’t mean that they would’ve been anything other than friends, and it certainly didn’t mean that they’d have as bombastic of sex as was alluded by the tasteful cut to black after the woman led her forced love interest back to her room. 

No, if anything the actress had far better chemistry with his enemy, the dark haired, dark eyed villain who looked every inch of sin. Rey certainly wouldn’t have complained if  _ he’d  _ captured her and held her hostage, and she pressed her legs together as discreetly as she could when he crowded himself against the heroine, whispering in her ear that there was no one who was going to be able to save her from what he was going to do. 

“ _ Yikes _ ,” Finn drew the word out, snickering under his breath as he stood up. “She looks like she’s about to cream her pants, doesn’t she? No, no--don’t pause. I’ll be right back.” He worked his way around them, careful not to trod on where BB has snuggled up against Rose’s lower leg. His butt wriggled as Poe walked past him, but after he’d exited the room he put his head back down and closed his eyes. Rey smiled warmly down at the dog, stroking between and behind his ears. If he could’ve purred, he would’ve. 

Ten minutes had passed before Poe started to get anxious, Finn having been gone far too long to have just used the bathroom, and Rey’s apartment was far too small to have gotten lost in. The credits were beginning to roll when he finally rejoined them, carrying in his hand a book too thick to have been any light reading he might’ve picked up on his way to the bathroom. Rey felt her stomach sink as he dropped it on the table, nearly upsetting their beers, and causing BB to jump in surprise at the sound. 

“What in the hell is this?” he asked, his eyes dark as Rey looked over the title and felt her cheeks grow bright, bright red. 

‘Letting Them Own You: A Complete Guide to Being the Perfect Submissive.’

 

This was not a conversation she wanted to be having, Rose lifting the tome and paging through it, her brow furrowing as Poe looked from Rey to Finn, then back again. “Ah, feeling a little kinky are we, Rey?” 

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, hating herself for having taken the book into the bathroom to read the night before, and not having thought about moving it. “You all do know that I am an adult, don’t you? And perfectly able to make informed decisions all my own--.” 

“ _ Being a perfect submissive _ doesn’t sound like an informed decision. It sounds a fuckton like someone is trying to own you. Is it that creepy guy from the bar--Ben? Or whatever his name was?” Finn demanded. “Is he trying to pressure you into being his sex slave?” 

“Christ!” She stood up. “No! It’s not like that--you don’t get it.” 

She reached for the book, snatching it from Rose’s hand just as her friend started to read aloud: “This book will help to train you to be attuned to your Dominant’s every desires, oftentimes without them having to say a word--. Rey, you can’t be serious.” 

Why? Why couldn’t she be? Hot, frustrated tears started in the corners of her eyes, and Rey blinked rapidly to keep them from going anywhere. What the fuck was wrong with them? “I don’t see how it’s affecting any of you if I am.” 

Finn’s jaw dropped, and Poe stood to start cleaning away the debris of their night, switching off the television so silence ate at the space where the shitty ending credits pop song had previously occupied. 

“This all happened since I took you to Leia’s house, didn’t it? Christ I told you not to pay too close of attention and not to get caught staring, I didn’t mean for you to get involved so you could stare in real time, up close and personal!” 

Poe’s voice came from the kitchen, his tone warning: “Finn.” 

“What? It’s true!”

Rey felt her upper lip curl in irritation. “Again--how is this any of your business?”

“Because we’re your friends,” Rose cut in, getting to her feet and setting a hand on Rey’s shoulder. Selfishly, Rey wanted to shrug it off. Some friends they were being, shaming her about this in her own home. “Because you can’t open up the latest news search and not hear a story about some guy that beat his girlfriend or wife because he didn’t hear her safeword out, or a couple that were killed in a double erotic asphyxiation gig because of shitty BDSM practices. Rey--that book doesn’t sound very safe, sane, or consensual.” 

Rey’s brow furrowed. What would Rose know about that? What would any of them know about anything, except what they’d seen or heard from other sources? She clutched the book a little tighter to her chest. They’d never look at her the same if they knew how the very thought of someone taking control, taking ownership of her, got her soaked. They’d think she was crazy and needed to be committed if they realized how often she’d caught herself looking at leather collars and nipple clamps and had to force herself from getting too carried away and buying them for herself. 

They’d certainly never talk to her again if she told them, flat out, that being in a committed, established relationship with a Dom sounded like the best thing in the world, her reasoning be damned. Instead, she bit down on her tongue until it bled, and swallowed the blood with her defensive words, refusing to give them more ammunition to be used against her. It was as simple as them not understanding, and their reactions against it were more than enough to justify why she hadn’t told them in the first place. 

“I think I need to go to bed. I have an early morning tomorrow,” she said, words knife-sharp and only half true. Luke was an early riser, but the first half of his day he devoted to self meditation. It might not have been a bad idea, if she had half near as much patience and forward thinking as he did. 

Finn’s face set hard at that, hiding away the hurt and disbelief at her blatant dismissal with a scowl that Rey had never seen directed her way before. “Right. Cool. Have a great night, Rey. Don’t get beaten to death.” He’d have shoved his way past her if Rey hadn’t moved out of his way quickly enough, slamming the door behind him, making BB yap and Rose wince. Rey had to blink faster, excusing herself quietly to her room. They could see themselves out as far as she was concerned. 

 

REY: You awake?

BEN: Barely. 

REY: Can’t sleep. 

BEN: Ok. That sucks. 

BEN: Why?

BEN: What happened? Was it Luke?

BEN: Did you finally pass out? 

REY: Can you come over? I need to get out of my head, and I don’t know who else to ask. Who else could help. 

BEN: On my way. 

REY: <Location Sent>

 

She had all of ten minutes until he got there, ten minutes to wash her face, pick up what was left around her room, and focus on the nervousness that coursed through her veins, quickly replacing the hurt and disappointment from her and Finn’s confrontation. She had other matters to think about. Ben was coming over to her apartment. He was coming over  _ there _ , to her, and she was dressed in an old marching band t-shirt that was three sizes too big, courtesy of the local Goodwill. The fabric was soft, the design well faded, but it wasn’t exactly the image she wanted him to have of her their first--well. Whatever this would be. 

The hard knock on the door told her she didn’t have time to worry about it, however. Throwing one last pair of panties into the dirty laundry basket and closing the lid, she padded over in time to the quickened beating of her heart, looking out the peephole just in time to determine it was indeed Ben outside her door. Her fingers shook as she undid the swing lock, then the deadbolt, and he was stepping into her space without another word. His black hair was disheveled, his dark clothes a little more wrinkled than she was used to seeing of his, but he was there. Was it strange for her to notice that he smelled good, too? Smelled warm, smokey, and almost a little like leather? She supposed it made sense, realizing that he had a leather jacket draped over his left arm that he set down on the nearest chair so he could turn to look at her. He was actually there, he was sturdy, and solid, and exactly the sort of distraction that she needed. 

Either that, or she would find out exactly why Leia and Luke had warned her away from him, and she was about to get the rudest awakening of her life. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she hoped she hadn’t run right into the exact type of situation that Rose and Finn had been warning her against. 

He wet his lips as he looked around the apartment, breathing deeply, as though to find himself, before he turned his eyes to her. He took in the oversized shirt, her bare legs peeking out from under betraying that she hadn’t bothered wearing anything underneath, and had to clench and relax his hands before he spoke. “I take it you probably don’t want to talk about what it was that set you off.” 

“Not really,” she admitted. This was supposed to be a distraction, after all. 

He nodded. “Fair enough. Show me to the bedroom, little girl. Let’s get started.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay--before you all come after me: I really wanted the gravity of the argument and what it brings Rey to do to have its own chapter, because I felt as though crowding it in with what is coming up next might take away from the seriousness of it. Also, I'm about to leave to go out for Father's day, so I wanted to get you guys an update before I second guessed myself and didn't post it for some time. Hope you can forgive me!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because you all asked so nicely, and I adore you.  
> Happy Daddy's day, indeed. I'm celebrating with some day drinking, a New Trilogy marathon, and smutty smut smut.  
> SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO ARROWAYS FOR LOOKING THIS OVER AND TELLING ME I'M NOT CRAZY FOR WRITING THIS. 
> 
> Also, there is a scene that involves a lack of safewords being talked about beforehand. While it does not stop either character from continuing forward, if that sort of uncertainty is a turn off for you, keep a look out. There's a moment of panic, and then it passes.

Feeling as though she was outside of her own body, she gave him a quick tour on their way to her room, wiping her sweating palms off on the edges of her shirt and trying not to focus on the very real heat of his stare as he took her in. When she finally opened the door to her room, and he closed it behind the pair of them, she came to realize this was happening. This was really happening. She turned to face him, before immediately lowering her gaze. Shit. Her heart pounded all the harder as he stepped closer to her. 

“Are you wearing anything beneath your shirt?” Ben asked, voice rough, commanding. It made her shiver. 

“No. Should I be?” She wet her lips, sneaking a glance up at him. His lips were fighting the curl of a smile. 

“It'd be coming off if you were. Take your shirt off, do it slowly. Leave it on the floor, then crawl onto the bed for me and lay face up.” 

She didn't dare keep up her eye contact, and closed her eyes as she gripped the hem of her shirt and started bringing it up and over her upper thighs. Inch by inch, she revealed her skin to him, her cunt already soaking at the sound of his voice and the very promise of what it held. 

“Good girl.” 

Fuck, but she shivered at that, too, biting her bottom lip as she slipped her shirt up past her navel, past her breasts, nipples already hard, and then finally up and over her head. Completely bare to him, she looked up as she let the shirt drop to the floor as commanded. It was easy to see the way his chest tightened as he inhaled sharply, Rey folding her hands behind her back as she stood in front of him, as though awaiting his inspection. She knew what her next order was, knew what she was expected to do, but stood there a little longer. Let him look a little more. She wanted to feel the heat of his gaze against her bared skin, wanted to soak in the look of lust he leveled her way. 

He, however, was not so patient. He crossed the space before them and cupped her chin, fingers firm as he tugged her face upwards. “Did you forget you’re playing my game now, little girl?” he asked in a voice equal parts quiet and dangerous enough to curl her toes. 

“No, sir,” she said quickly, eyes widening as she stared up at him, lips parting as he forced her jaw open, and pressed his thumb into her mouth. She slid the tip of her tongue against the calloused pad of his digit, and watched with glee as he suppressed a growl. He pressed his thumb further into her mouth, and it was all she could do to relax her throat as he explored her mouth and pressed on the base of her tongue until she thought she might gag. He watched as her throat convulsed, as she struggled to keep from showing any sort of weakness, even as tears started in the edges of her eyes. 

“God, you’re going to be so beautiful choking on my cock. I changed my mind. Kneel on the bed for me.” 

He released his grip on her, wiping his thumb on the hem of his shirt as she hastened to obey. She’d be lying if she said she couldn’t feel the slick dripping between her legs, coating the insides of her thighs as she perched on the bed and sat back on her heels. The angle was awkward, her bed just the right height that if she laid down, she’d be able to take him, but didn’t dare to fight against his orders now. He stepped up just in front of her, head tipping to the side. “Undress me. Leave my belt on the bed.”

She worked as quickly as she could manage, slipping his shirt off and trying not to marvel for too long at the expanse of broad, well shaped muscle in front of her. Holy fuck. She’d felt that he was strong before, but this . . . this sight before her she was not prepared for. God, she wanted to run her tongue over his iliac furrow, wanted to sink her teeth into his pecs, just over his nipples, dig her fingers into his solid waist or shoulders and hold on for dear life. 

“You’re staring.” 

Her face burned. Yes, she was, but could he blame her? “Sorry, sir.” 

He pressed two fingers under her chin, lifting her face to look at him again. Would there ever be a time that didn’t make her want to melt? “I like it when you stare, but another time. Take off my pants, sweetheart.” 

She did, hands unsteady as she left his belt on the edge of the bed just next to her as he’d instructed, his cock already hard and bobbing against his chest. He’d not bothered with boxers, and her expression was enough to make him laugh. 

“I promise I’ll go easy on fitting inside of you.” 

She was going to have to learn to unhinge her jaw, holy fuck. She sat back a little further on her heels as he stepped out of his pants, and leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead. Her lips tingled, desperate to taste him, but he left it at that before he reached out to explore her body himself. His hands cupped her breasts delicately, thumbs dragging over her nipples, rubbing in small circles until she whimpered in front of him, hands fisting on her knees in front of her as she did her best not to react. It was the best sort of torment, slow enough to leave her aching while building up the heat low in her stomach. As she closed her eyes and let her head loll to the side ever so slightly, her lips parted to moan: “Oh,  _ Ben _ .” 

His hands left her, and her eyes opened slowly, hazy with lust and lips still parted as she struggled to breathe evenly. “What did you call me?” he asked, voice dropping an octave and sitting deep inside of her. Actual gooseflesh rose on her skin, as her eyes widened with realization. 

“Oh, shit. Sorry. Sir. I’m sorry.” 

“On your front, little girl, facing the other wall. Looks like Luke isn’t doing as good of a job teaching you as he thinks.” 

Her face twisted, fully prepared to contest that, before his hand came down on her left ass cheek, pulling a pained whine from deep inside of her. Fuck! 

“On. Your front.” 

Biting her bottom lip, she maneuvered herself to lay down on her front, Ben between her spread legs, arousal soaking into her comforter and sheets. She couldn’t so much as see a reflection of him, the light too dark as he grabbed her around the ankles, and pulled her backwards until her toes touched the cool floor. “Stay on your toes,” he ordered, before another smack came down against her other cheek. She whimpered, and he huffed from behind her. “Now. How many spankings do you think you deserve for forgetting how to address me?” 

Why did he have to leave it up to her? Her first reaction was to tell him to blow it up his ass, to tell him that until she was entirely satisfied he didn’t deserve the title to begin with. The other reaction told her that sitting down in the next week or so sounded lovely, and so she shouldn’t push her luck. 

Her silence earned her a slap against her upper thigh this time, and a finger pressed against her slit, pushed in to the knuckle. She moaned in surprise, eyes wide, fingers digging into the mattress and sheets as he curled it upward, then pulled his finger out. 

“Don’t keep me waiting all day, little girl.” 

“Ten,” she said quickly. Ten sounded fair, didn’t it? Sounded right? This would be her first time. Was there a system she ought to have known about? “Ten spankings, sir.” 

He smirked as he brought that same hand down to her opposite thigh. “Ten per cheek?” He left a streak of her arousal in his wake, blowing on the wetness until she whimpered at the cold sensation. 

“N-no. Please. Ten total. Ten please, please please please give me ten spankings.” She could beg, she could make it sound pretty. If his deep groan was anything to go off of then he enjoyed her pleading as much as she did. 

“How can I refuse when you want it so badly, sweetheart?” He reached with both hands, palming her ass, warming up the skin as Luke had told her was good dominant behavior to ensure that each lash didn’t hurt too badly, or leave too many marks. It was . . . thoughtful, as well as enjoyable, and she moaned into the sheets as he worked out what tension she had in her muscles. “You need to count me for them. And thank me for each one. Do you understand?”

“Yes. Yes sir!” she said quickly, catching herself just before his right hand came down on her left side, then right. As promised, he alternated between the two, dividing up the punishment until she felt those same tears as before start to drip down her cheeks, and she was closer to coming than ever. Every smack had sent her hips grinding against the mattress, her clit already so sensitive that the added pressure only made it that much more difficult to keep from coming. Something told her that if she didn’t, if she let herself climax without his say so, there’d be far more at stake than just a few spanks. 

“Ten,” she finally gasped, panting and struggling to even her breathing out. It’d only make everything feel that much better. “Mmm. Ten. Thank you. Thank you, master.” 

She could feel him pause, feel the wheels start to turn in his head, and he leaned in to kiss her lower back slowly, teeth coming out to drag against the curve of her spine. “Master?” he repeated. She could feel him smiling. “I like that, kitten. Am I your master? Do I take care of you? Make you happy when you earn it, and punish you when you don’t?” 

“Yes,” she said, hoping her voice cracking wouldn’t give anything away. “Yes, please. I’ve been so good.” 

“Mm, does my kitten want a treat?” 

She shuddered. “Please.” Anything. Everything. She wanted it all.

“Turn around, kitten. I’m going to fuck your pretty lips, and when I’m done I’m going to shoot my come down your throat. If you take it all and don’t make too much of a mess, I’ll let you come.” 

She practically purred at the thought, turning back to look at him, eyes hazy and lips already swollen from how hard she’d been biting them. Already the fight she’d just had had disappeared from her mind, replaced with a constant thrum of ‘yes, yes, please.’ Ben stroked her upper thighs and the globes of her ass once again, before stepping out from between her legs so that she could situate herself instead on the edge of the bed, head on the very edge of the mattress so that he towered, impossibly tall, above her. His cock was just in her line of sight, still a little too low for her mouth, and so she shifted until the tip was perfectly aligned. Her tongue wet her bottom lip, and Ben painted over that same line of saliva with his precome. 

“I’m going to fuck your mouth,” Ben reminded her again. “Take what you can. You are stronger, and more capable than you think.” 

She was glad to hear that he thought so, steeling herself for what was to come, as he tapped her lips with the head of his cock, and pressed himself into her mouth when she allowed it. It wasn’t until he was testing her gag reflex, her jaw already starting to ache just seconds in, that they hadn’t talked safe words. Hadn’t given her an option to tap out, and a very real panic started in her stomach. Fuck, it was too much. Too much too much. What was she doing? Her hands found his thighs, nails digging into his skin, and even as he hissed he pushed himself on, stabilizing himself with one hand on the bed, the other on her waist. 

“You’re so close,” he praised her. “Doing so well. Just breathe kitten. Breathe through your nose nice and slow, you can do this.” 

But she couldn’t. She couldn’t and she was choking and her head was getting fuzzy--. Willing her throat to relax, she breathed deeply through her nose, then slowly out again as Ben groaned just above her. His cock twitched in her throat, and when she whimpered around it he let out a low groan. “Ohhh fuck. Just like that, kitten. You’re such a good girl for me. Run your tongue along the side, and suck. Mind your teeth, or I’ll spank you again.” 

Her nails bit into his thighs again as she followed his instructions, and some part deep inside of her thrilled at the sounds she was bringing out of him. Her, Rey, the untrained submissive, who was deemed unknowing, who Luke had thought to be difficult to teach. 

She was making him moan, and shake, was making the great Ben Solo pant and screw his face up. As he hilted himself inside her mouth she felt her throat start to convulse, and he pulled back, before slipping all the way back inside again. This time she was ready, and moaned around him to vibrate against his cock. 

He wasn’t going to last if she played her cards right. Her right hand left his thigh, fondling his balls instead, massaging them until he was practically a mess above her. She peeked up to watch his face contort, watch as he watched his cock disappear down her throat, and her throat bulge with the intrusion. “Fuck baby. Oh kitten you feel so good. So tight. Not gonna fuck your cunt till your mine, but your throat--so good. So perfect.” 

Yes, she was perfect. She was good. She let his praise inflate her head, bolstering her as he forced his full cock into her mouth again. He reached over to hoist her legs up and into the air, practically folding her in half, and she was grateful for the semester of yoga she’d taken in order to blow off steam from her more complicated and difficult classes. Had she known then what she knew now she’d have taken another semester until she could twist herself up like a damn pretzel. As it was, with her hips up and off the bed, and his cock deep inside of her, it allowed for Ben to lean over and wrap his full lips around her clit. He thrust his hips against her lips, his rhythm sporadic as he chased his completion, and as he added a finger into her cunt, and flicked her clit with his tongue, Rey’s arousal took a swift nose dive towards completion. She was close, closer than she thought possible. She never would’ve thought this could be happening in the first place. She whimpered and moaned, tears now coating her cheeks as she had to remind herself to breathe in tandem with the little flicks Ben’s tongue made against her overly sensitive bundle of nerves. 

Her toes curled, legs folding in on themselves as she tried to rock her hips against his mouth, desperate for more friction, for everything. He added a second finger, and she cried, forcing herself to keep from coming. She wasn’t allowed to, not until she swallowed him whole. With a wave of determination, she pushed herself closer, ignoring the fact that her head was already spinning, that she was likely experiencing blood loss. What did it matter when he was solid, and warm, and made her feel just as good as she hopefully did him? She swirled her tongue around him the best she could, certain her jaw would fall off any minute, and with one last whimper around his cock he was gone. His come was hot, the taste indescribable as it passed her tongue and shot straight down her throat, coating every inch of her insides before it settled heavy in her belly. She lapped at the tip of his cock as he started to pull out, releasing his hold on her clit, and removing his two fingers inside of her, and she whined as she felt him start to pull away. No! No he promised her she could come! This wasn’t fair!

“Turn your hips to me,” he said, lips coated in her slick, voice hoarse as Rey stared up at him with wide, hopeful eyes. She hastened to move, head pounding as she struggled to gain control over her limbs. Her skull felt as though it weighed a thousand pounds, her hips uncoordinated, and the result was Ben grabbing at her legs once more to pull her hips to the very edge of the bed. There, he sank to his knees and all but buried his face in her cunt, lapping at her slick folds, parting them with his fingers so he could fuck her with his tongue, nose brushing up against her clit. His other hand slid two fingers inside of her again, curving them upwards to rub against that swollen spot that she had no difficulty finding, but  _ never  _ felt this good. Even as her thighs began to shake and quiver he was relentless, demanding her completion as he worked her body past what she knew it was capable of. He pulled off just as her abdomen started to tremble as well, thumb of his left hand rubbing her clit, two--no, three--fingers on his right hand working her g-spot. 

“Come, kitten. Come for me. Come  _ now _ .” 

She did,  _ oh  _ she did, come leaving her like a geyser. She’d seen enough porn to know what squirting looked like, but nothing could’ve prepared her for what it felt like, and she screamed as her hands found his thick, black locks and held on for dear life. 

“Fu-- _ fuck! Yes,  _ master please! Oh fuck!” 

He worked her through the aftershocks, watching as she fell onto her back, his fingers slowing down and eventually withdrawing so he could stand and lean over her. His lips fell on her cheek, then jaw, then throat, but never her lips. Even when she turned her head to try and kiss him he pulled away, staring at her. “When you’re mine,” he assured her, eyes hooded. “Now. Let’s get you cleaned up and in bed, kitten. It’s past your bedtime. Feeling good?” 

She nodded, exhaustion bone deep now as he stroked the side of her cheek, and hoisted her up and into his arms. Far better than she could’ve imagined, with the fight far, far from her mind. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god _you guys are the greatest!_ I couldn't believe all the positive feedback from the past two chapters, I'm still shocked and in awe of the responses. You make my job as an author all the easier and more enjoyable when you let me know your thoughts and feelings about the fic as you go, and I am so, so grateful to you all for your comments.   
>  Taking a bit of a break from the normal to post today. I got 1.3k into the next chapter, and promised myself so long as I made a dent in it, I'd post this.   
> Thank you, thank you, thank you. This fic could not succeed or even exist without phenomenal readers such as yourselves.

Rey didn’t think she’d ever used the bath before, never had the time or the desire to do so, but Ben ran one for her, waiting until the water was perfect before he filled the tub and set her down inside the warm water. The heat worked wonders for her exhausted muscles, and a little whimper escaped her as she leaned back against the lip of the tub. She watched him sit back, smiling as she sank to her shoulders, knees sticking out of the water as she watched him watching her. When had it gotten this complicated? Her head was still fuzzy, but the fight with Finn and Rose was far from her mind, far as Pluto was from her grasp, far as the discovery of a galaxy far away. He’d certainly done his job well, and half of her wanted to reach out and take his hand, to thank him and pull him into the tub right alongside her. Maybe that was too intimate? Maybe that wasn’t good submissive behavior? 

She’d been so good for him before, was she doing what she was supposed to do now? She sat up a little bit, and her face must’ve shown the internal dilemma for Ben smiled as he reached out to cup the back of her neck. Fuck, that pressure felt so nice. 

“You’re fine, Rey. You’re doing well for me. Are you strong enough to clean yourself off, or do you need me to help?” 

Her cheeks went bright red in such a way that had nothing to do with the heat of the water. If he put his hands under the water, if he touched her, even if it wasn’t sexual, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to contain herself and not pull him in. “I can take care of myself, ’m fine,” she promised, voice soft. The change in Ben’s expression was almost not worth noting, except that it was. A furrow grew between his eyebrows, his dark eyes grew hard, and he slowly eased up to his feet. 

Rey whined softly. What was he doing? 

“Very well. I’m going to head home for the night, then. Be sure to drink lots of water tonight. You’ll need it. Have a good night, Rey.” 

Wait. What? She blinked up at him, unsure what she’d done to make him want to leave--but wasn’t this part of it? Aftercare? Her brain was still fuzzy, so maybe she had just missed something? She watched as he turned and stepped out of the room, trying to listen to see if he would stop in her bedroom, or the kitchen. But when the door closed with an awful sense of finality, the carefully constructed daydream she’d made for herself began to crack. She was all alone again. 

 

Sleep wasn’t easy, evading her no matter how many times she closed her eyes to try and succumb to the exhaustion, but it remained just out of reach. Ben had left her, and in his wake her head felt all at once too full, and far too empty to be sleeping. She replayed every last second of their time, of the bath and their conversation leading up to it, still unable to put her finger exactly on what it was that would’ve made him leave. He’d offered to help her, hadn’t he? But maybe he didn’t do aftercare. Maybe that just wasn’t . . . wasn’t an aspect of the relationship he adhered to. Every book she’d ever read had stressed the importance of taking care of a submissive afterwards, of nursing them back after the scene to help them achieve normalcy and comfort, and now she understood why. Like an ear infection, her balance was thrown off, her world tipped on the wrong axis, and everything seemed to be sliding to the opposite, incorrect side. 

She only fell asleep after crying into her pillow from sheer exhaustion, body curled into the smallest ball that she’d been able to make. Her phone stayed silent until her alarm blared, and even then she hit it hard to shut it up. 

 

Work made her days speed by, and her meetings with Luke took up the rest of the time. She picked up extra shifts, she came over for more sessions. He praised her eagerness, but the sensation felt hollow. Strange. While it made her smile to hear him tell her how much more quickly she was learning, that she was taking direction better than she ever had, it didn’t make her chest expand. It didn’t make her head light, or the tips of her fingers tingle with anticipation. 

Ben texted her a couple times, only ever when she was already passed out from sheer exhaustion, and she left him on read the next morning, unsure what there was more to say to him. Hadn’t he made his point all too clear when he’d left her soaking, and not bothered to check in on her the next day? 

Finn was similarly silent, and it only made the lump at Ben’s rejection pulse angrily. Hurt wasn’t a strong enough word to express just how his words, and now lack thereof, had injured her assurity with her decisions made. Rose and Poe had texted her when they’d thought about it, when BB did something funny and Poe managed to get it on camera, or when Rose found a half decent bike for sale that she thought Rey might be interested in (she was), but the silence from Finn was what cut the deepest. He hadn’t even bothered to ask what it was that intrigued her, hadn’t let her explain her side of the story, her interest. Her drive. 

That Ben had been . . . so wonderful, and so terrible all at once, only stoked her conflicted feelings. Half of her wondered whether everyone was right--that she wasn’t cut out for this, that she should run away screaming--or whether she was just losing her mind and needed to push through. 

 

BEN: There’s another exhibition. Medium venue. Lots of dark corners. See you there?

REY: No. I don’t think so. 

BEN: ??? You know you need to go to more, to get familiar. Otherwise when you’re up on stage you’ll freak. 

REY: I said no. 

BEN: Why? Does my uncle have other plans for you? Ditch. I’m far more fun. 

REY: You really don’t take no for an answer, do you? 

BEN: Not when it’s something I want. 

REY: And you take whatever you want?

BEN: I took you didn’t I? 

REY: Lose my number. Fuck off. No wonder you’re a shitty dom. 

_ Ben Solo is typing... _

_ Ben Solo is typing...  _

 

The knock on Rey’s door made her about drop her pizza on the floor. Not that it would’ve been much of a loss; she’d gotten more flavor from dry, uncooked Ramen noodles, but it would’ve been a shame to damage the carpet. Her breath catching in her throat, she set the slice down on her paper plate, rubbed her greasy fingers on her well worn yoga pants, and padded towards the door. 

It was practically ten at night, who the fuck was there? She undid the deadbolt, but kept the slide lock in place, allowing her to open the door an inch or so. Ben glowered at her from the other side. “A shitty dom?” he seethed. She’d never seen him look so frazzled, his hair looking as though he’d run his hands through it half a thousand times, the color high in his cheeks. “A shitty dom?” he repeated, louder. “Fuck you--let me in.” 

“Say the magic word,” she sassed. “Because right now I’m inclined to tell you to go fuck some hooker off the street, but I don’t want the poor girl to have to go through that.” 

He actually snarled, bringing his upper arm down against her door. She jumped, her eyes wide, stepping away from the door out of pure shock. The pressure of the door being pressed against the lock kept it in place, ensuring he couldn’t get any further, but he backed off almost immediately. “Rey. Let me in, please. I’d rather have this conversation face to face than through a door for your neighbors to hear.” 

“I’m sure you would.” 

There was that anialistic sound again, one she wished didn’t go right between her legs, preying on her fear and molding it until she was ashamed at how flushed her cheeks became, how rough her breathing had become. 

“I will go through this door, little girl.” 

Dammit. Motherfucking piece of shit, dammit. She winced, pressing her thighs together and wondering how it was she’d ended up so fucked in the head. “Promise me you’ll leave as soon as I tell you to, Ben. I’m not kidding, I’m going to text--I’m going to text your mother that you’re here if you don’t. And if you don’t keep it, you’ll never see me again.” She only hoped she’d be alive long enough to keep to her threat. 

Hell, she was texting Poe as it was, carefully out of Ben’s line of sight. ‘If I don’t text you in an hour, please call me until you get a response.’

“I promise.” 

He didn’t sound very convincing. She’d heard five year olds lie better than him. 

All the same, her feet found their way to the door, and he let her close it slightly before she undid the lock, and let him come inside. Her mouth ran dry as he closed the door, but didn’t lock it behind him, and stared her down. “A shity dom?” he repeated for the third time, the words hardly intelligible given how viciously he said them. She had a hard time focusing on anything except the way he crowded her world, as though he was the moon blocking out her sun in some sort of cosmic, fucked up eclipse, and she could barely breathe. 

“You left me.” 

He blinked, so she repeated herself. “You’re a shitty dom because you left me. I’ve never been in sub space before. I never went down before that. You weren’t there to bring me back.” Her eyes filled with tears, and she hated herself for the weakness, hated that she wasn’t better at keeping herself together. Still, what was he supposed to expect? “I don’t know what your other submissives have done before, I don’t know what you were  _ taught  _ but that? That wasn’t--I don’t want that.” Couldn’t he see that it’d bothered her? 

Did he even care? 

It seemed to temper his fury, if only just, and she swallowed thickly as he stepped backwards and surveyed her with a cool gaze. She wrapped her arms around her waist, refusing to look away, but also terrified of maintaining that level of eye contact and connection, choosing instead to skirt her vision along the ground. Fuck, she wished it didn’t make her sound so weak, asking for what she wanted, asking for what was supposed to be a given. That was part of being a dominant, she’d thought: taking care of your submissive. 

His mouth opened and closed a couple times, as though he had something to say, but didn’t know how to go about it. Rey could sympathize, but he wasn’t getting any help from her. What he’d done--or hadn’t done--had  _ sucked _ . She’d not felt that alone in a long time, and it wasn’t something she was keen on ever going through again if she could help it. Maybe that was reason enough to have stopped what they were doing. Maybe she should’ve taken it as a blessing in disguise, to have only gone through it the one time before realizing that she would never put herself into a situation without support again. 

“I misinterpreted,” he said finally, lips pressed tight together as Rey tried not to snort. Sure. That sounded like a likely story. “I--You said you could take care of yourself.”

Her brow furrowed. “I meant I could bathe myself--that you didn’t have to get in with me. Or wash me. That was what you asked! God, aren’t you supposed to know better than to just assume one way or another?” Maybe they just hadn’t had enough time together, but she’d have thought he’d at least understand that just because she could finish cleaning herself off didn’t mean that she didn’t want him there. Were they speaking two different languages? Reading from two different manuals about the ins and outs of a relationship between a dominant and a submissive? 

“You seemed awfully intent on it.” 

“I was coming down! God, Ben. You sure you’ve done this before?” 

She didn’t mean it to come out sounding as though she was laughing at him, but her voice broke at the very end, and it made him snarl. He stepped closer, and it was all Rey could do to pad backwards fast enough to avoid being stepped on or rolled over. Her fingers tightened around her phone, and when Ben reached for her, she winced. 

‘Stupid stupid stupid, showing your weakness like that,’ she berated herself, even as he backed up, the hurt and sorrow playing in his eyes enough to make her sick to her stomach. Fuck, now he’d think she was weak. Now he’d think he could use it against her, take advantage of her, that she’d do nothing. 

Instead, he extended his hand. “I’ll show you where I learned. I’ll show you what a shitty dom looks like, and then maybe you’ll understand a little bit more than what my mother and uncle have decided to explain to you.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: This fic, officially, has the most comments of any of my other fics according to AO3 stats. That's incredible, and I am FLOORED. You are all so incredible, and thank you from the very bottom of my heart!  
>   
> You all spoil me with your comments! You're incredible, wonderful and sweet, and thank you so much for all of your words of support and interest as we start to really delve into the story.  
>  **This chapter comes with a few warnings:** If you are adverse to reading about not safe dominant/submissive practices, situations in which a submissive doesn't seem to be consenting, and it is dubious whether or not they are on board with what is happening, then please be advised when reading this chapter. There is a great deal of pain play and physical torment, as this particular kink club is darker than what Rey is used to. I would advise you skip to the line break near the chapter end if this is not your cup of tea. I'll add a full, spoiler-filled debrief in the bottom notes, if you feel so inclined to read what is going to happen before it does, so that you know what to expect and can make an informed decision whether or not this chapter is something you'd like to read, but I do want to prepare you all. This is not necessarily a nice chapter, but it is a necessary one, and while I've done what I can to make it as non-gratuitous as possible, it is what I believe to be important for Rey to see. 
> 
> You've been so kind to me, I'm so appreciative of your support and continued readership. I can't wait to read what you have to say about this.

POE: You still alive? You're freaking me out a bit. 

REY: Yeah. Thanks, didn't mean to. Some things happened. 

POE: Bad things?

REY: Unsure. I'll keep you posted. 

POE: Be safe please. Call if you need anything. I mean it.

 

Whereas Leia’s home didn’t look like a den of sin and debauchery, Starkiller House certainly ticked every box for what Rey would expect a Kink club to look like from the outside. Black shutters, black brick, black roof tiles, black door with a burnished bronze knob that looked for all the world as though it might burn one’s hand as soon as they touched it. Inside wasn’t any better, she realized, as Ben ushered her inside without so much as a word from the two men attending the door. The lighting inside was harsh, enormous spot lights illuminating specific sections of a wide entry room, and the air was heavy with the scent of come, sweat, and blood. Rey might’ve gagged if not for Ben shooting her a quick look to be quiet as they hastened to move around the outskirts. Given the mixed noises of pleasure and pain, they were already running late.

As they moved she craned her neck to get a look at those on display. They passed a trio: two men and one woman. The latter had mascara and eyeliner tracks down her cheeks, her lips swollen and her throat covered in bruises as the men took turns choking her with their cocks, forcing her head down even as her restrained hands struggled to push away. A shudder of mingled disbelief and arousal at the memory of Ben’s cock down her throat made the hair on Rey’s arms stand on end as one of the men smacked their submissive’s face, and then grabbed her by her thick black hair to force her back onto his prick. Further in was a man laid out on what could’ve been an operating table, and Rey had to turn her eyes away as his dominant--another man, with an angular jaw and a shock of blue hair--dragged a particularly nasty looking whip down his belly, then flicked his wrist so that the implement came down hard on the submissive’s caged cock. His cry of anguish, to  _ “stop, please! _ ” made Rey turn away, her cheeks bright red. Ben wrapped an arm around her. 

She had to keep from burying her face in his arm. 

This was the First Order, then. She’d recognized the name of the building from her initial Internet search, having decided after looking up their very basics that it was too intense of a place for her. And this was where Ben had started? Certainly she couldn’t imagine him having gone to his mother for help or guidance . . . or his uncle. But they  _ knew _ more than enough people in the community to have been able to get him started on a different path, Rey would’ve thought. This dark house, with the screams echoing off the empty walls, absorbed into the very brick and mortar that helped to keep the foundations strong, was everything that Rey had been warned away from. Was what had steered her clear of the other BDSM online dating apps, was what Finn likely feared she’d gotten herself into.

Was it any wonder that Leia and Luke thought Ben was too fucked up to take care of her? “You’re telling me you used to come here?” she asked, looking up at him, certain that her shock was as bright and obvious as the coming dawn. “That you used to perform here?” 

He opened his mouth, but his words were lost under those of a figure coming in on their right. 

“Kylo Fucking Ren. Long time no see, arsehole.” The drawling voice was British, and as though compelled to do so, Ben went rigid at Rey’s side, his eyes narrowing as his breath left his clenched teeth in a hiss. “After all this time you dare come skulking back home. Snoke seemed to always think you would.” 

Kylo Ren? Snoke? Rey frowned as she looked up at Ben, searching his expression as he forced himself to bring his features under control, before turning towards the Brit who’d moved to stand in front of them. Rey followed suit, though Ben was quick to put her ever so slightly behind him. Why? The man in front of them was tall, certainly, but not near broad enough to make Rey worry for her safety. His face was angular, well defined, but in the sort of way that made it seem as though he was starving himself for no other reason than he could. Add that to the bright red hair, and the obvious lack of any time spent outside, and she couldn’t quite understand just what about this man had Ben so on edge. 

“I don’t go by that name any more,” Ben said, voice harsh. 

“That’s how you introduced yourself to me. That’s who you are, or were, until you bitched out. You’ve got some nerve showing your face here again.” There was a flash of white teeth, a grin that held no mirth whatsoever, before the intruder looked over towards Rey. His smile widened, and Rey felt her discomfort rise until she thought she might gag. Ben shifted further in front of her, as though by simply putting himself between them he could erase her from the redhead’s view and mind. 

“You brought a treat with you. Is she your new submissive?” He cocked his head to the side, and his brow furrowed as he stared at Rey’s throat, just as the bouncer had at the other exhibition. “You haven’t collared her yet.” 

Rey felt her cheeks grow pink, her eyes growing wide as she looked up at Ben. Collared her? Was that a normal rite of passage? She couldn’t deny that the thought was an enticing one, something that she’d daydreamed about even before they’d gotten involved, but it felt so--so final. 

And what would Luke say if she showed up to their next lesson with his nephew’s collar on her throat?

Ben grew, if possible, more rigid where he stood. “It’s not really any of your business.” 

The man rolled his eyes, and extended his hand. Ben looked at it as if it might spout fire. “He’s always been terrible with introductions, I’m sure you’ve come to find out,” the man said with a toothy smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Armitage Hux. It’s a pleasure to meet a creature as beautiful as yourself. You’re blushing already; it’s absolutely adorable.” 

She felt her skin crawl, and though she took her hand in his own she couldn’t help but give him a different name, doubting the one he’d offered was even his own. “Kira. Nice to meet you.” 

Ben’s fingers dug into her waist, holding her to him as Hux turned her hand over so he could drag his fingers against her wrist, his eyes holding hers as he did. “The pleasure is all mine. How is it that a young treat like yourself got mixed up with this traitor?” 

Traitor? Her smile was tighter than Ben’s grip even as her head spun with questions that she had no answers to. “Like Ben said, it’s really none of your business. I’m with him and that’s what matters.” 

Hux’s lips curled, and if she wasn’t so anxious about getting them thrown out, she might’ve thrown her fist into his face to break that upturned nose of his. “You’ve got a mouth on you. Now I know there’s no chance that Ren’s had his way with you yet, Kira. That’s always the first thing he breaks his submissives of.” 

Rey felt her throat constrict as Ben opened his mouth, as though to retort, when Hux’s attention was called elsewhere by a tall, effortlessly terrifying and beautiful woman standing just feet from them. Rey felt anything she might’ve said die on her tongue as Hux as led away with one last, knowing look leveled at the pair of them. Ben’s grip on Rey’s waist relaxed, if only just, and he let loose a soft sigh once the redhead was far enough away. 

“He was charming,” Rey said, voice dry, certain that if she had to have looked at the man for any longer she’d have lost her mind. 

“An old associate. I wasn’t sure, when I heard that he was taking over, that the news could be right. Seems I was mistaken.” 

She took his hand from her waist and threaded her fingers with his. “Was he your submissive, then?” She could think of little other reason why his reaction to Ben’s appearance would be so visceral, why he’d know so much about how it was Ben  _ broke  _ his submissives. And he’d been sure to use the plural term, too, hadn’t he?

Ben shook his head, black hair falling over his eyes before he pushed it away. He looked years younger, staring around the dark room, though it didn’t seem as though he saw anything. “He’s a switch, but he likes to think himself a full on dominant. Besides, I didn’t have just one sub.” 

Oh. Rey’s cheeks darkened as she tried to wrap her mind around a number, tried to force herself to realize that maybe monogamy wasn’t really a  _ thing _ . Would that be something she’d need to get used to, being shared? Learning who she clicked with, who she didn’t, and going from there but never having just one dominant? Somehow she didn’t think so, unable to imagine either Amilyn or Leia sharing with anyone else. 

Her attention was shifted by the change in the crowds of people that had accumulated, all attention drawn towards the very center of the room. There was no dias that showed the performers this time, but still Rey could see them even before she and Ben grew closer. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to forget the tall woman she’d just seen with Hux, though there was a smaller, squirrlier gentleman in front of her now, blindfolded and gagged. His arms were twisted behind his back, bound with chains that rose upwards to the ceiling, disappearing into the darkness  above. They crossed over his pecs, connecting with a thick, leather collar that wrapped around his neck, and attached on to the ball gag keeping his lips spread wide. Rey felt her breath catch, certain her face read as someone caught between horror, and intense, immense desire, as she pressed her thighs together and squeezed Ben’s hand. He didn’t seem to be paying attention, Rey able to sneak glances at him through her peripheral vision enough to know that he was watching her. Waiting for her reaction. 

She couldn’t be distracted, mouth dry and anticipation heavy as the chained man whimpered as his dominant ran her long, elegant fingers down his chest. “You’ve been a bad boy, haven’t you Pet?” she asked, sharp accent making Rey long for home, and to be talked to like that. 

The man whimpered, the gag keeping him from saying much, but the noise was enough to make Rey’s stomach turn. All arousal and desire froze in the subzero temperature of her disbelief. Mitaka was either an excellent actor, or he was terrified. Genuinely scared. He sounded as though he had no idea what was going on, and that he wasn’t enjoying a minute of it as he struggled against his bonds. Her brow furrowed, as the blonde woman’s fingers dug into Mitaka’s shirt, and ripped it down the middle, letting the tatters hang around his chest and arms. While the sound may have gone right to her cunt, the whine he made whens she ran her nails down his chest certainly undid whatever she might’ve found sexy or enticing about the scene in front of them. Was she the only one who could hear this? Was she the only one who cared? Casting a quick look around them, she saw the others had greedy, almost excited looks on their faces at the sounds coming from the man chained up in front of them. 

“Phasma’s always been rough,” Ben murmured in Rey’s ear, mistaking her confusion it seemed. “But Mitaka is used to it.” 

Was he? He didn’t sound like it. “He doesn’t sound like he wants this at all,” she muttered. 

“Well, he’s being punished. He shouldn’t want it.” 

But that--that didn’t sound right either. She frowned, turning her attention back to Phasma leaning in to take one of Mitaka’s nipples and twist it, biting the other hard enough to make him shout from around the gag. Her stomach turned, unable to look away from the wreck happening just ahead of her. How could they justify this? With his eyes covered he had no idea when her next action would come, causing him to jump and whine at nearly every punishment she brought down on him, and when she got particularly vicious, Rey could see tears start to stream down his face, already soaking through the fabric around his eyes. Phasma caged his cock, squeezing his balls hard enough that he actively tried to get away from her, only to find that the further he pulled away, the more she did the same. When Phasma dug her nails into his thighs and dragged them down to paint his pale skin with marks red as blood Rey had to turn away. There was only so much she could handle. 

“Take me home,” she whispered to Ben, who nodded. 

“As you wish.” 

 

 

 

There wasn’t much to say on the car ride back, but Rey was certain that her constant glances in Ben’s direction were words enough. She couldn’t help but be surprised that anyone could learn from a place like  _ that _ . Her stomach still felt knotted, her mind a tangle of confused emotion and fear that had her mind running in overdrive. 

When they stopped at a red light Ben finally turned to look at her. “You see, now, why my mother and uncle thought to warn you away from me. And you know, as well as I do, that I don’t act like that. Not in any way, shape, or form.” 

Rey’s brow furrowed. Didn’t he? “You didn’t ask for my safeword,” she murmured. “When you were fucking my throat, I didn’t know--I’d never done that like that. I thought I was going to suffocate.” 

The corner of his lips pulled down. “But you didn’t. I knew you could take it.” 

“You didn’t give me a choice.” 

He opened his mouth to speak, but his words were cut off by the honk of the car behind them. Perhaps they ought to stop having these types of conversations in the car, she thought, teeth worrying at her bottom lip. It’d bothered her that he hadn’t asked, that there hadn’t been a discussion of limits--both soft and hard--beforehand. How had he known she’d want that? Without having snuck a look at the sheet she’d filled out for his mother, there was no way he could’ve. 

A very real trickle of fear slid down her back. What if he had? That was private, supposed to be kept secret by Leia and whomever she entrusted to help teach Rey. 

“I’m sorry. I--. I’m sorry.” The words didn’t sound as though they came easy to him, and when she caught sight of him under a passing light, the high points of his cheeks looked as though they’d caught fire, the very tips of his ears burning as well. 

Hesitantly, Rey reached over to squeeze his knee gently, watching as he glanced over at her in surprise. “I’d be an idiot if I didn’t admit that I am . . . ridiculously attracted to you. But you scared the shit out of me when you did that. And I’m not going to lie to you, knowing that you came from the First Order--it’s enough to make me leery at best that you’re going to be too pushy.” 

She watched his nostrils flare, his knuckles clenching around the steering wheel. “You and I have had  _ one  _ scene, that’s not enough--.” 

“No, it’s not.” 

He shut right up then, taking a sharp right turn into the parking lot of a building she didn’t recognize. Her heart sped up, even as he parked under a bright lamp post, threw the car into park, and undid his buckle so he could look at her. At least, she’d thought that was what he was doing. His lips crashed against hers with enough ferocity to make them  _ hurt _ . He cupped her face in his hands, and she whimpered, opening her lips when he begged entrance with his tongue and teeth. Again, she’d have to be an idiot to deny the simmering tension between them, the way that her heart beat just a little harder when he was around, how her breathing was a little less even whenever he came to stand anywhere near her, his hulking form tall and broad enough to make her want to climb him like a fucking tree. 

When air became a necessity, it was Ben who pulled away first, and in his eyes she saw the same desire and hunger that had made her come to the very thought of him bending her over and having his way with her body. 

“What do you want, Rey?” he asked, in a voice that sounded as though he’d smoked half a pack a day since he was born, words raspy and broken. “Tell me. Do you want me to be gentle with you? Do you want me to treat you like you’re my princess? Buy you pretty, lacy, pink lingerie, temper your ferocity with stuffed animals and heavy petting?”

The lingerie wasn’t a bad idea, per se, but she shook her head. “No,” she barely managed to squeak out. 

For a moment she thought she took him by surprise, Ben blinking rapidly, before the corners of his lips curled upwards, his expression sinful. “Do you want me to fuck you until you can’t stand? Drag you to my bed and fuck you into it until your knees are weak and your legs don’t work like you need them to, spank you until your ass is raw?” 

Now she was certain she’d gone and died, her back arching as he ran his thumb over her bottom lip, pressing it into her mouth for her to suck on. She did, dragging her teeth against the pad of his digit and watching with bated breath as he shivered and pulled away to let her speak. 

“No,” she said, and slid her seat belt off as well, letting it shift back into place as she hoisted herself over the center console and straddled his waist. She was on fire, demanding his every attention and touch, wanting to feel the press of his skin to hers once again, desperate for more than the confines of the car would allow for. 

Confusion fought with arousal for dominance on his face, and Rey reached out to take his face between her palms now, memorizing each detail with the pads of her fingers. “Then what?” he asked, eyes glassy and bright as they stared up at her. “What  _ do  _ you want?” 

She relished the power, the pause between words as he waited for her to speak and tell him what it was she desired. That he  _ listened _ when she kissed the tip of his nose, then leaned down to say, her face just centimeters from his: “I want all of it. I want all of  _ you _ , but I don’t want any of the First Order.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IN THIS CHAPTER:  
> -There is mention of blood being scented in the air, hinting that others in the room are engaging in blood play.  
> -There is a threesome in which the female submissive is forced to perform oral sex on two men, who are postured to be her dominants. She struggles to push them away and has bruising, around her throat. While Rey watches she is hit hard, and then forced to continue.  
> -There is a duo of two men, the submissive bound to a medical table. His cock is caged, and his dominant whips his genitals while he cries for him to stop.  
> -Phasma is Mitaka's dominant and punishes him for the crowd to watch. Mitaka is chained and kept on his feet. His mouth is gagged with a ball gag and he is blindfolded. Phasma rips his shirt, and runs her nails down his chest. It's hinted that he does not enjoy this and that he is actively trying to get away from her. Ben attempts to explain it away as him being punished, so of course he isn't going to enjoy it, but Rey does not care for it. Phasma puts a chastity device on his cock, and grips his balls so that he cannot pull away from her.


	16. Chapter 16

She went to bed alone that night. It seemed prudent, given that she had a lesson with Luke the very next morning, but leaving Ben in the car had been . . . difficult. Now that he’d started kissing her--again--he didn’t seem to want to stop. It didn’t matter, apparently, that she wasn’t just his. That she hadn’t agreed to stop her lessons with Luke. He knew the same fireworks she felt as he slotted his mouth against hers, and pulling away wasn’t an option until they’d been parked outside of her apartment for at least ten minutes, and Rey could hardly keep her eyes open. 

She felt his eyes on her back as she headed up to her floor, phone out, texting Poe that everything had turned out alright for the evening. When he didn’t respond, and she caught sight of the time, she guessed he’d passed out for the evening, but seconds later her phone rang. 

“Rey?” 

Any exhaustion that she’d felt as she made her way up the stairs to her apartment disappeared at the sound of Finn’s voice on the other line. “Hey,” she said after a moment, pulling the device away from her ear. Yep. Poe’s number, Finn’s voice. “Is Poe alright? What’s going on?” 

“Yeah--he’s fine. Are you?” 

She felt her stomach clench. Wasn’t that the question of the hour? She’d just witnessed what could only be described as the very worst of the BDSM community, been told that the dom that she was interested had learned from that very house, and then had been sent back to her home without him having pressed the situation or her. 

“Yeah, I’m good. Is . . . is he there?” Was there a reason that Finn had called her from Poe’s phone? 

“He’s asleep. I didn’t want--in case you needed me. Him. Whomever. I wanted to make sure that you were safe.” On the other end Finn took a slow, shaky breath. “I mean, I know you texted. But I still wanted to make sure. Look. I said some shit that I shouldn’t have. Rose feels the same, and after today. I saw your texts with Poe--but it was an accident, I swear!” 

Rey couldn’t even let the indignation wash over her, her exhaustion coming back to smack her across the head full force. That had to be the reason her eyes were watering, why her legs felt weak. “Finn--.” 

“Rey, I’m sorry. I really am. I shouldn’t be so quick to judge--I just worry about you. I know you’re tough as nails, I know you’re more than comfortable and able to take care of yourself, but you’re my best friend. I’d never be able to forgive myself if there was something I could’ve done to stop you getting hurt.” 

She wet her lips, a response not coming to her as they just sat on the phone and let the silence overtake them. What could she say, after all? She wasn’t all that pleased that he’d looked at the texts, had sent them to Poe specifically because she’d hoped he wouldn’t freak out or over exaggerate what was going on, like she was afraid Finn would, but all the same--he cared. He cared about her enough to look, and even if the methodology was flawed, she missed her best friend. 

And if he was willing to listen to her, to all her a chance to explain what she was doing, and why, then maybe they had a shot at getting their shit figured out. Maybe their’s wasn’t a doomed friendship after all. 

“What’re you doing tomorrow? Wanna meet up for dinner?” 

 

BEN: Made it home. Is it too weird if I say I didn’t want to brush my teeth because I didn’t want to lose the taste of you?

REY: You sound like you belong on a documentary about cannibals. 

REY: But I feel the same. 

BEN: Knew I wasn’t alone in that.

REY: You’re not alone. For better or for worse, I’m definitely in the same boat as you.

BEN: Why do you make it sound like such a terrible thing?

REY: Because I’m still trying to figure out whether this idea is the best, or worst, that could’ve happened to us. 

 

Lunch and her lesson brought her back to Luke’s house with an impending sense of doom that she just couldn’t shake. Somehow, she felt as though he’d be able to tell that she’d fooled around with Ben, that she’d actually managed a scene with him. She wasn’t sure how, having taken care to wash really well out of some misplaced idea that Luke had a keen sense of smell, and had triple and quadruple checked her reflection after showering to make sure there weren’t any marks on her body anywhere. She’d opted for the most non-Ben outfit she had: a mauve sundress that stopped mid thigh, with a pair of plumb flats, both of which she’d picked up the last time she and Finn had gone thrift shopping. 

There was no way he’d be able to tell, was there? No sixth Dom sense that would’ve tripped him off to her activities outside of his home. 

Given the smile he’d flashed her, both welcoming and soft, as she’d stepped into his home, told her that she’d be . Thank goodness, because she didn’t think she’d be able to handle much more of the anticipation. 

“You seem rather light on your feet today. Sleep well?” Luke asked conversationally. He was starting to warm up to her, though Rey had a feeling that he’d never admit to it. She didn’t need him to. She’d been waiting for a long time if she was determined to hear him say it aloud.  

“Yeah, actually,” she said, thanking him quietly when he offered her a coffee, prepared just as she liked. Her night had gone perfectly courtesy of her fingers and her vibrator, of course. 

Ben’s voice on the other end of her phone had helped, too, egging her on, encouraging her, eager to please her after their little conversation over text. Her heart sped up at the way he’d praised her, promised to take the best care of her, all while she’d cried as she came. Now, she struggled to keep her face straight as she sat down opposite Luke , crossing her knees and dragging her thumbs over the front of the mug. 

Luke was quiet for a moment, and Rey looked up at him. 

“Something’s different.” 

Shit. She was found out. Her heart began to pound, her cheeks started to grow red, and she sipped her coffee in an attempt to buy herself some more time. She forced herself to stop before it became too obvious, and tipped her head to the side as she looked at him. 

“Different, sir?” 

The corners of his eyes crinkled slightly, and Rey had to clench her free hand at her side to keep from shaking, toes curling in her shoes. 

“Just . . . different. What’s on your mind?” 

God, where did she start? Where  _ could  _ she start? The look he was giving her was a worrying one, one that she swore pierced her to the very bone. To the soul, though it felt redundant to say when they’d spoken about far worse than what was on her mind. How did she justify not talking about this with Luke? She might not have necessarily liked how slow he was taking things, but he was her dominant. 

Why did this feel so different? Her mind skipped, working quickly as she tried for a nonchalant shrug, careful not to jostle her coffee too much. “I’ve just been thinking recently.” 

Luke looked as though he was trying not to laugh, and Rey’s cheeks burned. “Is this so new an endeavor that it’s given you pause?” 

That made Rey scowl, chewing on the inside of her cheek as if she were cross, when in all fairness her pouting might get her out of the actualities of having to explain herself. That could work. 

At least she hoped so, until Luke fixed her with such a look that she nearly trembled. Oh, he’d never done that before. Her toes curled in her shoes, and she looked away, out the window, desperate for something else to focus on. 

“Rey. You can tell me.”

Could she? She didn’t know him that well, didn’t know his reactions near enough to justify putting herself out there like he was asking. What if he grew cross with her? Or threw her out and ensured that Leia never opened her doors to her again?

“I’ve been thinking about Ben.” 

The words made him pause, and his expression grew stony at best as she felt her stomach start to knot. SHe knew it’d been a mistake, but it wasn’t a lie. Somehow she thought that might just be worse. Maybe she ought to have told him about Finn and her fight, or that she was worried about not going to school but not being able to find the drive. 

But this . . . this was what she decided on. 

“Have you?” his tone was going for seriousness, but there was an air of levity that she couldn’t miss. Strange. “What have you been thinking about my naughty nephew?” 

Rey groaned, and Luke’s expression broke into a grin. Oh thank god he didn’t sound mad. “Don’t call him that. Please.” 

“How about disobedient delinquent?” 

Rey frowned. Really? “Slightly hyperbolic, don’t you think?” 

“Disagreeable dominant? Troublesome tart? I could go all day.” 

That made her groan. Wow. This was not the way she thought the conversation was going to go. 

Judging by Luke’s shrewd look he knew it, too. “That exasperation, disbelief that you’re feeling now? All you’ll get by thinking about Ben as anything more than a cautionary tale.” 

Rey paused, and she set her coffee mug down to keep from spilling it accidentally. Her confidence rose, if only just. They’d already broached the subject, what was the harm in going further? She didn’t think he was being entirely fair. “I looked him up--well. I looked up the First Order. I went there--.” 

Luke sat up swiftly, any sign of lightheartedness or amusement lost from his face as he put his hands on his knees and stared. Rey felt her breath catch in her throat, certain that now she’d get into trouble. Now would be the breaking point. “You--what? You didn’t even hesitate. Didn’t even try to stay away from that darkness, did you?” His jaw was tight with the accusation, and she swore that if a breeze came through it might blow him away. 

She grew very still herself. “I had to know. Needed to see just how dark--just what was on the other side. Surely you understand.” She wet her lips. “Surely you get that, sir.” 

“And?” There was nothing to his voice except sarcasm, deeply rooted in his disbelief. Whether it was of her, her situation, her actions, or her opinions, she wasn’t so certain that she wanted to know. His gaze was resolute. Unyielding. 

Rey’s mouth went dry. “And I think he’s on a far better path now. And I never want to go back to the First Order again. That's--what they do is torture. Where he’s at now, he doesn’t do that. Or want it.” 

The corners of Luke’s mouth tightened, just in time for Rey to realize that she’d said too much. Shit. She turned her gaze to her lap, refusing to meet his eyes again out of fear that he’d somehow see the truth hiding behind them. 

“I see.” 

Did he? She worried that maybe he was seeing too much. That he would know far more than she’d ever feel comfortable with him knowing. She wanted there to be that trust, but at the same time she needed it to go both ways. Surely he could understand that. Surely he wouldn’t deny her that. Would he? 

“Am I--I know you warned me against him, against what he used to be, but he could have turned. He could have changed by now. It does happen.” At least she could only assume it did. Why couldn’t it happen for her? 

It was Luke’s turn to not meet her eyes, his head tipped downwards as he pressed his thumbs together, fingers steepled in his lap, expression ranging from exhausted to unsure, to irritated. Rey, for her part, stayed quiet and allowed him to think, to work out his wording. The last thing she wanted to do was to poke a sleeping bear, but more than that, forcing him into action and decision might end up shooting her in the foot. No, better to let him come to it naturally. 

Better for him to toy with the idea of her turning him rather than her just show up with the problems of the past all fixed as much as they could be. 

“Your lesson is done for today, Rey,”he finally said, and Rey felt her heart sink as he got to his feet to show her the door. “You have a good rest of your day.” 

“Wait, sir--. Luke. Please don’t--.” Her heart began to race, her palms growing sweaty as she stared up at him in abject horror. He didn’t want her. He actually didn’t want her.. He was sending her away, and that would be the beginning of the end for her. “I don’t want to go--.” 

“You need to, Rey. You need to think long and hard about what it is you want. What it is you’re willing to do, or what you’re willing to give up, to get there. What sacrifices you deem acceptable, and what are beyond your reach of giving up. I expect you to consider that next week. Once you can answer me--and answer me honestly--I’ll tell you about Mara.” 

“Who’s Mara?” she asked, barely allowing herself to be escorted to the door, grabbing her things quickly before they got left behind. 

“My wife.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel as though I struggle most with Luke's chapters, just because I'm trying to get his mood and characterization correct. I hope this reads well, and doesn't come off as . . . convoluted as I fear it does. Not a whole lot of action this time around, and I apologize for that: I hate when plot gets in the way of my writing porn ;)
> 
> As ever, thank you so much for your continued support and comments! They've really helped get me through the difficulties of writing this. I love reading what you all think of the story as it unfolds, and your comments and kudos make it that much easier to focus on getting to the next chapter and working through the story. 
> 
> Thanks again! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Casually slides a mid-week update into your inboxes to fend off the negativity of the week-

Luke’s words stayed with her for far longer than they should have, played out in Rey’s mind like some twisted, overplayed pop song. She wasn’t wanted. He had a wife. Has? Why had no one told her--why hadn’t Ben? Why had Mara, whoever she was, not been brought up before now? Rey balled her hands into tight fists, nails pressing against her skin, as she imagined a plethora of answers, of different scenarios that each involved her being tossed aside, or thought to replace someone, and then not measuring up. 

Rationally, she thought she knew that this was the case. Rationally, she knew that he certainly wasn’t what she’d envisioned. Leia had had to cajole him into taking her on at all, but why if he was married--or still hung up on his (ex?) wife? There was no use in pretending that she could be what he needed her to be. They didn’t work out. 

But her hindbrain, the small part within her that told her she’d never be enough, never measure up, screamed louder than her rational self ever could. 

Her skin felt too tight for her frame, her lungs constricting until she thought her heart might burst like a balloon right there on the bus. Thankfully it wasn’t so busy that there was anyone around to notice the way that Rey’s breathing came in shorter pants, that she was digging her nails so tightly now into the bus seats that they were in danger of being ripped. She needed to end this, whatever it was, between she and Luke. There was no other option. Surely Leia would understanding wanting to quit before either of them wasted any more time. 

That was, of course, assuming that Luke didn’t go to his sister first and demand that Rey be taken away and given to someone else. 

Before she’d realized what she was doing, her phone was in her right hand, fingers halfway to finding Ben’s number. She stopped just seconds before pressing the  _ call  _ button, thumb hovering over it, his name staring up at her. 

She backed out, locked the screen, and shoved it back in her pocket with a deep inhale, then a slow exhale. Her heart still beat so quickly it made her ribs ache, but she closed her eyes and willed herself to find some semblance of stability. To find an anchor in the midst of the attack setting her brain on edge. 

What good would running right back to him do, truly? How would that help any of the confusion, the anxiety, and the uncertainty that made her skin feel like it was fire, go away? 

Luke might’ve had a point, though she didn’t want to tell him that. 

Her stop came, and with it a resolution. She’d go out for dinner with Finn and the others, relax, and hopefully once she was feeling more like herself, go to Leia and explain everything. 

 

First, though, came the books. 

 

She sat herself down with a mug of tea and a half freezer-burned pint of Ben and Jerry’s that was too expensive to throw away, and as she waited for it to thaw she paged through the books as best she could. They weren’t . . . too inspirational, truthfully. While she understood and respected the fact that yes, there were certain truths and logistics that came with this sort of relationship, she didn’t know that reading about it was the smartest of choices for Luke to have her do. Had he gotten to know her before they’d embarked on this journey, he might’ve realized that she was a far more hands on learner. 

She flipped the page again, eyes scanning the words in front of her. The author spoke about trust, respect, and a give and take relationship. She closed it with a growl, opening the next. This one waxed poetic about open communication, testing limits and boundaries, but always coming back to the fundamental relationship between a dominant and submissive. 

This was nothing Rey didn’t already know, nothing she hadn’t already learned from Wikipedia, and from watching alone. She felt her anxiety start to blossom again, If she knew this already, why wasn’t it getting any easier? Why was she having such a hard time with Luke? 

Why was it that, when she was with Ben, she felt far more alive and at peace than ever before? She’d known, when she’d told him that she wanted all of him, that she’d meant it, but fear had kept her from telling Luke. Fear, and guilt, and that damn voice in the back of her head telling her she would be throwing away her opportunity on a pretty pair of eyes and full, lush lips. 

She’d dealt with those anxieties for so long that having to face them, face Luke and Leia, hadn’t felt worth it. 

As she closed the book infront of her and shut her eyes to focus on breathing deeply, she realized how stupid that was. Wasn’t that the whole purpose of this community? Hadn’t she just read about embracing that which was unknown, surrendering herself to something new, to someone she could trust to let her take that leap? 

Maybe she hadn’t learned as much as she thought. She did know that there wasn’t anyone else she’d want to trust than Ben. She knew him, at least enough to trust him, and trust that their mutual desire was enough to keep them from crashing and burning. 

He knew her and she knew him. Together they could make this work, Luke’s opinion be damned. She just had to be brave enough to take that chance. 

 

Rey, Finn, Poe, and Rose made it back to Maz’s cantina later that night after a couple rounds of drinks at Finn and Poe’s place, at the latter’s insistence. It’d been too long, Poe reasoned, since they’d all gotten plastered enough to stop caring about the day to day, and he set out to rectify that one shot of vodka at a time. Thankfully for the patrons at the cantina, it wasn’t too busy an evening, allowing for the foursome to pile into a back booth, plied by complimentary chips and salsa. There wasn’t any local music to bring in the crowds, but Rey found that she liked it better that way. Without all the extra noise they could talk without having to shout at one another, and shouting with them was the last thing she wanted to do. 

That must’ve been the general consensus, as no one brought up BDSM, kink, or the idea that Rye was still, as far as they knew, training to be a submissive. 

Rose bought the first round, Finn following after to help her bring enough margarita glasses for their pitcher to be distributed amongst all of them, and Rey couldn’t help but smile over at Poe. 

“He’s a good egg, isn’t he?” she asked, the tips of her fingers feeling bubble-light and breezy. “Good, good, good egg.” 

Poe giggled, his whole face scrunching up with the sound as his shoulders shook and Rey leaned to feel him shimmy. “God Rey. How much did you drink?”

“You should know,” she sing-songed. “Youuuu gave them to me!” 

He paused, his mouth falling open. “True. I did. Whoops. Do you and your dom-friend do this? Drink, then fuck, and have all kinds of kinky, dangerous, slutty sex?” 

She couldn’t help but snort as he drew out the word slutty until it had three syllables too many. “No. Not drink. He hasn’t fucked me yet, either.” She pouted. “But I sucked his dick. Upside down.” 

Poe’s eyes grew wide, his head turning to look at her as though she were the second coming of Jesus Christ herself. Emboldened by his gaze, Rey’s lips spread into a wide grin. “Yep. I did. And he ate me out like he was fucking starving. It was some weird sort of upside down standing up sixty-nine but fuuuuck it was so hot. Then after--. After he put me in the bath. And left me. But we talked about it, so I think we should be okay.”

Was she talking too much? Maybe she was. Maybe she needed to stop, but now that she’d started, she wasn’t certain she’d be able to. It felt good to have the attention on her, truthfully. It wasn’t as though she were a prude, but her sex life up until that point had been painfully . . . unoriginal to say the very least. Boring, lackluster, absent of anything extraordinary. 

With Ben, she didn’t think that was going to be a problem. 

“He’s huge, too. I could barely fit him in my mouth without gagging, but he took his time--.” 

“What’re you two talking about, gagging?” Finn asked, his brow furrowed ever-so slightly as he stared at the both of them, distributing drinks as Rose brought the remainder of the pitcher down to the table. The sound made Rey jump, even over the faint hum of the overhead music. 

It was Poe that answered first: “Rey’s dom has a huge dick--Finn, why haven’t we sixty nined standing up?” 

If he hadn’t sat down immediately after, Rey was sure Finn would’ve passed out as all the blood left his body to go to his head, his cheeks ruddy, eyes wide, ears and throat burning with embarrassment. “You--you can’t just--. Rey, c’mon! There’s a time and a place to be trading--be trading--.” 

“Dick stories,” Rose prompted with a giggle. 

“Exactly! Thank you, Rose.” Finn reached to high five her, and missed. Badly. The glass of water nearest to Rey overturned as Finn smacked it by accident as his hand arced back down, and Rey shrieked as the cloud of hazy drunkenness lifted, her entire front doused in cold water. 

 

That was nothing, she realized, as she looked up to catch sight of Ben Solo sitting a few booths down from them. Across from him sat the smarmy redhead they’d spoken with at the First Order, and Phasma, the terrifying, platinum blonde dominant, and all three looked up at the sound she made. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so full disclaimer: I've gone back and forth about this chapter. A lot. A lot a lot. I feel like I always start out so strongly in my fics, and then feelings get involved, and then the angst gets real, and then I'm stuck with my hands in the air going "WHAT ARE THESE EMOTIONS, I JUST CAME TO WRITE PORN!"   
> This chapter makes me anxious. This chapter makes me nervous, and worried.   
> I'm posting this chapter in spite of all of that anxiety, and nerves, and worry. My week . . . well let's say I've certainly had better, and it feels like my emotions about this update come at the culmination of such a rough week. 
> 
> If this chapter had an song, it'd be 100 Letters by Halsey
> 
> This chapter contains femslash, it contains anonymity play, and emotions. 
> 
> Thanks, as ever, for reading! I really appreciate the continued support and readership. No matter how difficult or confusing or torn up I am about these chapters, your reactions help me through.

In hindsight, texting Leia that she wanted to participate in the upcoming exhibition while she was still drunk, and avidly avoiding Ben Solo’s attempts to contact her, was probably not the best idea. That’d been two weeks ago. Two weeks, and she’d since deleted his number from her phone and ignored any and every call from a line she didn’t recognize. 

Including his. 

Hadn’t she been clear? Hadn’t she told him she wanted nothing to do with the First Order? And then he’d agreed, he’d told her that he felt the same. 

And then he’d been out with them, trying to tell her that it was just business that they were talking, that he had nothing to do with them anymore. Minus, of course, the fact that he’d gone out to get drinks and food of course. She wasn’t buying into it, that he had completely left them and had washed his hands of their . . . specific brand of kink. 

So, she’d decided that evening as she’d curled in bed, that she wasn’t buying into him anymore. Chemistry or not, sexual compatibility or not, she wasn’t going to tolerate being lied to. 

( _ ‘Not _ ,’ a cruel voice in her head whispered to her as she struggled to find sleep in the wake of what had happened. ‘ _ That you’ve been wholly honest and open with him. You never told Luke. You never broke any of your own arrangements off. You’re terrible, dishonest, a filthy hypocrite--. _ ’)

 

Now, two weeks since that particular discussion, and Rey felt as if she was going to pass out. She’d been paired up, at both Luke and Leia’s suggestion, with another woman, and Jessika Pava couldn’t have been any nicer. If Rey hadn’t seen her work with her usual partner, Snap Wexley, on more than one occasion, she might’ve doubted that she had a dominant bone in her body, but as soon as the lights hit the woman’s skin, it was as though an entirely different person took over her body.

Her nerves made her queasy, but it was the added thought that Finn had agreed to attend--not work, but actually watch--that made her really anxious. That, and the idea that Ben would be there. He’d been an attendee at the first one she’d gone to, so it would stand to reason he’d be at this one. Watching her. 

Good. She let Jess pick out her outfit, and Kaydel, another submissive, did her makeup. They wanted to accentuate her enormous eyes, fill out her thin lips. Blush, Rey supposed with a wry thought, would be supplied naturally. 

“You’re sure you’re alright with this?” Rey asked Jess again. “I know I’m not your norm--.” 

Jess’s sigh was light hearted enough that Rey didn’t feel too terrible for asking, but just exasperated enough to tell Rey that she really didn’t need to say anything. “I’m fine. Are you? This is the third time you’ve checked. If you’re worried about what Luke will say--.”

“No,” she said quickly. Too quickly, she knew, but still. It wasn’t Luke she was really worried for. “I just--I don’t wanna step on anyone’s toes.” 

Jess cupped her face gently. “Don’t worry, sweet girl, you aren’t. Remember your safeword?” 

Rey nodded, and fought to keep from biting her bottom lip, not wanting to ruin the work that Kaydel had put into making her ready for the evening. “Bittersweet.” 

Wasn’t that the word of the year? 

 

After the smattering of applause that signified that Leia and Amilyn had finished their opening scene, it was Jess and Rey’s turn. Jess had Rey’s hands bound in front of her, a length of rope providing a small lead that would allow Jessika the illusion of complete control. She’d offered a collar, thinking it would be easier and gentler on Rey’s wrists, but something about that hadn’t seemed . . . right.    
If she was going to be collared, she wanted a specific someone, a certain asshole of a man, on the other end of it. No matter how mad she was, he’d be far more angry to see it, and the resulting confrontation wouldn’t be worth it. 

Jessika led her out by the rope and as the lights hit her already bared chest and silk covered hips, it was as though all of her troubles melted away. She was safe in the hands of Jessika, who stared back at her with a look of delight and pride that had her stomach knotting already in anticipation. She could do this. She could do this, and do this well. She knew all the basics, and just had to trust that Jess wouldn’t lead her astray and all would be right with the evening. 

Rey allowed herself to be paraded around the small half circle that had collected, Jess eager to show off their newest member to the club, and those who watched on were nothing if not supportive in their smiles. Even Finn, who she caught sight of three rows back, looked surprised but not furious. 

She couldn’t even see Ben, wondering whether or not he’d skipped this particular scene. She couldn’t blame him. If the roles were reversed, if she’d been forced to watch him with another submissive--. The jealousy would’ve eaten her alive. 

It wasn’t until she was brought back around to the dias, laid down in front of the onlookers and spread wide by Jess’s soft, understanding hands, that she caught sight of him just out of her peripheral. He hadn’t been there moments before, leading her to wonder whether he’d wormed his way to the very front for a better look, and tried to keep herself from watching him as Jess ran a hand up her taut body, carefully undoing the tie that kept the silk scarf tied around her waist. It opened, baring her to the crowd around, and Rey felt herself flush. Ben had put his lips on her cunt before, this wasn’t something that he hadn’t seen before. 

So why, she wondered, did it feel as though she was baring herself to him in a completely different way as Jess started to tease her slit? Her legs were restrained, carefully tied down, and she’d been instructed not to move her hands or risk punishment by the woman in front of her. 

“Just breathe,” Jess murmured softly in front of her, obviously noticing that Rey’s chest had stilled with anticipation, and at the reminder Rey allowed herself to take a deep, shuddering breath. She forced herself to look anywhere, everywhere, except back at Ben and as Jess eased open her folds, exposing her clit to the cool air, she felt herself start to shudder. Shivering from the chill, she told herself. Definitely, definitely not the way she could feel Ben’s gaze, even now. 

Something soft, silicone maybe, wrapped around her clit, and Rey’s eyes widened as she felt the nozzle start to pulse around the bundle of nerves, all stemming from the rose gold machine in Jess’ hand. Her dominant’s eyes were dark with pleasure as Rey’s hips bucked every time the intensity rose, and her lips moved with her soft praises. 

“Good girl. You’re such a good girl for me, Rey. So perfect like this. You can come, baby, as many times as you want. Gonna wring you dry.” 

A loud, broken sob left Rey’s lips as she felt her climax already beginning to curl in the pit of her stomach. Her toes tightened, curling inward as her hips rocked harder, bucking against the toy. It was better than just about any oral experience she’d ever had (she resolutely refused to think about  _ his  _ lips on her clit and cunt) and it was going to make her come any. Fucking. Second.

Her first one she couldn’t have stopped, her body trembling, stomach contracting and muscles burning as she felt her clit throb with overstimulation, but Jess didn’t pull away. The strap on that she’d donned under her pants, that Rey hadn’t even noticed until Jess had removed the constricting fabric, eased against the slick folds of Rey’s cunt, pressing inside of her as her body bucked its way into overdrive. 

She was going to come again, and this time, unbidden though she tried to tell herself, she turned her head to the side to find Ben. 

He was gone. 

It was all Rey could do to wail. 

 

Jess brought her to the back after they’d finished the scene, Rey’s knees shaking, her stomach cramping as though she’d completed a thousand push ups, and her mascara coating her cheeks. She ought to have felt accomplished Proud. 

All she wanted to do was sleep. 

 

Ben didn’t try to call her, or text her after that. The silence weighed too heavily on her shoulders to count as a victory. 

 

“What’s on your mind, Rey?” 

Her eyes rose, though only just, to look over at Finn. He’d insisted they go out for lunch a half week after her exhibition, after the night that should’ve been one of her greatest triumphs, and Rey couldn’t think of a good enough excuse not to. She’d hardly seen him after he’d taken her back to her house safe and sound after the event had finished. She’d hardly seen anyone in the span of that time. 

“Just--things. There’s another exhibition coming up, Luke wants me to get ready for it.” That was only half true. There was another exhibition, but it wasn’t at Leia’s house, and it certainly wasn’t something that she’d spoken about with her supposed mentor. Aside from giving his stamp of approval on Leia’s suggestion for Rey’s first event, she hadn’t talked with Luke, either. He owed her a story, but he didn’t seem keen on getting around to telling her. 

It rankled her still, but there wasn’t any way she could get into that with Finn. It was unnecessary drama that had nothing to do with his life, so why should she burden him with her difficulties and frustrations? 

“What did you think about it, by the way?” she asked, her eyes flicking upwards to search his quickly, before darting back down to her half eaten sandwich. She forced herself to take another bite so he wouldn’t notice that every bone in her body seemed taut, rigid with anticipation. 

She already felt herself start to pull inward when Finn reached across the table to take her hand. “Hey. Is that why you’re so quiet, really? You’re worried about what I thought about it?” 

Well. Partially. They hadn’t really discussed it, Rey not having wanted to know right then and there when she’d still felt raw from the vibrator, from having known that Ben was watching her, if only for a little while. She made a show of looking embarrassed, and Finn squeezed her hand. 

She had to hold back tears. Fuck, she didn’t deserve him as a best friend. 

“Rey, you looked--I mean, obviously, you enjoyed it. I never thought I’d be watching my best friend come in front of a crowd.” His laughter was quiet, but sincere. She appreciated that, and wished it didn’t make her feel worse. “But you looked like you at least . . . enjoyed it enough to warrant being in front of people. You at least liked what was happening to you, and who was doing it. Yeah?” 

She nodded, not trusting her voice entirely. 

“Then that’s what matters. You’re safe. You’re smart enough to know when to stop when it becomes too much--. I mean, if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.” 

There was no stopping the slow creep of tears as they welled in the corners of her eyes. Finn’s own gaze widened in his surprise at her reaction, and within half a minute he moved to sit beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as he squeezed her shoulders. “Shit, Rey, I’m so sorry. I didn’t--I shouldn’t have been such an ass. I’m so sorry.” 

She buried her face in the crook of his neck, and let him rub her back, let him comfort her as he knew best. “Thank you,” she murmured, voice watery, as she let herself sink into the familiarity of his comfort and his support. She didn’t know that there would ever be words enough to express how much it meant, his acceptance, so she just sat there and let him hold her, let him comfort her and tell her he believed in her, and cared for her. She closed her eyes, wanting to soak in the feeling, as her mind spun and her heart pounded. 

She was happy, even with Jessika, so why was she going to let some guy ruin it for her? 

 

When she’d reached out to contact the head of the Correllian Club about partaking in one of their shows, she’d been given a waiver, and another list of kinks that she was particularly interested in, though this one was remarkably paired down in comparison to the very first that Leia had presented her with. She’d reached out to Jess when she’d first heard about the event, wanting to make sure she wouldn’t be stepping on toes or breaking some sort of unsaid rule between kink clubs, and though the woman had seemed a little surprised that Rey was indeed asking her, she assured her that  _ no _ , she didn’t have to worry about Leia throwing her out because she wanted to see what other places had to offer. 

“It’s all about finding what works for you, so why would she stop you from checking it out?” 

Why was it only Luke, then, that was so adamant about not letting Rey stretch out her wings and give something else a shot? 

Rey was told the theme of the night was anonymity, and she couldn’t have been any happier about it. She’d been given a mask to be put over her eyes, holes cut out just large enough to allow her to see what as in front of her, but visibility was shoddy at best at her sides. A good thing she kept to herself, seated near the at the very back of the dining room that they’d be performing in, as the other couples started off the evening. The ornate dining table served as the dias this time, with its onlookers crowding around the edges, eyes feasting on the sights in front of them. Both performers were masked, though Rey suspected they knew who was who in spite of it. 

She wouldn’t have known her partner regardless, so it didn’t really matter as far as she was concerned. 

She’d agreed to overstimulation, to anal plugs (having been training herself in the privacy of her own home out of some strange quasi-desire that it would come in handy), come play, and food play. It all fit with the greater ambiance and feeling of the evening.

She’d already gotten her first night under her belt, there was no way that this should’ve been more nerve wracking. 

 

Her act was second to last, though she couldn’t remember all that much about the ones that previous. Their moans and whimpers, grunts and muffled curses seemed to meld into one endless scene of debauchery that Rey couldn’t have felt any more disconnected from. This wasn’t fair, she thought as she blinked hard, standing as the scene before hers began, and stepping towards her changing room. She shouldn’t be letting anything affect her attitude, her evening, and her own ability to make herself happy. No matter what in the hell was going on in her head, she needed to pull herself together, or what was the point of going through with her lessons with Luke? 

For all she knew, she might really click with her dominant. He might click with her, and want to keep her as his own. Surely Luke wouldn’t disapprove of everyone. Hell, she didn’t  _ need  _ his approval when he wouldn’t even be forthcoming with her. 

 

Gritting her teeth, she removed her mask while in the privacy of her room to change into the belongings she’d brought with her, removing the simple black tank top in favor of the thrifted black mesh bra she’d brought. She was almost certain it’d belonged to a dancer at some point, but it fit nicely, and the embroidered flowers over her nipples made her feel girlish and far more feminine than she always felt. The black briefs that she’d matched with it had a ribbon on the back that tied the fabric together, and while it might not have been the most elaborate of outfits, she certainly thought she looked nice. Doable, definitely. 

She didn’t bother with make up, the mask easily covering up her features, and when a knock came on the door to signify that her partner for the evening was just outside, she allowed herself a deep breath. 

This wasn’t her first rodeo anymore. 

 

The man standing outside her door was tall enough that she had to look up at him from such a close distance, and that in itself took her breath away. She wetted her lips as he stared down at her, transfixed, though she couldn’t see much more of his face. She liked the curve of his jaw, the way that he seemed to hold his body rigid in front of her, as though he was preparing himself for this as much as she was. 

“Are you ready, then?” she asked, her voice soft, eyes sweeping downwards, then back up. She hadn’t bothered on shoes, and her toes curled on the bare wooden floor beneath her. 

He cleared his throat and nodded. “Safeword?” 

She tried not to shiver, blaming the gooseflesh on the chilly draft that flowed through the now open door. “Bittersweet.” 

His laugh made her stomach do stupid, funny things, flips and twists that had her biting her bottom lip and squeezing her thighs together. It tickled the edge of her nervous system, as familiar as a handshake, but she couldn’t place where she’d heard it before. 

He offered her his hand, a black leather glove encasing his fingers and palm, so that all she felt was the smooth, warm fabric as she slid her hand into his. “Just so. Mine’s Chewie.” 

Rey felt her nose wrinkle, trying to bite back a smile, as she let the door shut on her belongings, and her inhibitions, and forced herself to let go as she followed him out to the table she’d seen so many others strewn out on. 

‘ _ Let it begin. _ ’ 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so to start things off: hi. It's been a hot minute. There's been some things going on in my life, I'm going to link to the tumblr post I made about it in case you aren't following me or on tumblr, but I apologize profusely for the wait between chapters. Everything on my end has been . . . difficult and trying to say the least, and where I used to find a lot of comfort and stability through writing fic, it's been getting harder to juggle the struggles of real life and   
> You can find the full post [here](http://futurerustfuture-dust.tumblr.com/post/176531930177/quick-life-update-hey-everyone-so-as-you-can), but I want to say thank you to everyone who's been so thoughtful and sweet and supportive. I want to give a special shout out to SelinaKyle47 for being freaking amazing and reaching out to me through ko-fi, everyone who follows me on Patreon, and those, again, who reached out to tell me that I wasn't alone in dealing with all the shit going on in my life. Thank you to arroways, for letting me text you every freaking day and decompress, especially when things were getting particularly difficult on all fronts. 
> 
> And thank you to all of you for continuing to read and comment and kudo. This fic would not be where it is without you. I hope this chapter makes up for the wait, and I can't wait to see your reactions.

Her dominant helped her up and onto the table with a steady hand on her hip, and it was all Rey could do to keep her eyes focused, zeroed in on his. To say that his expression, that his gaze, was warm, would be like calling the Arizona desert in July “tepid.” No. This was sinful. This particular look was the first bite of an oven-fresh brownie: decadent, moan-inducing, and euphoric, enough to make her toes curl so hard she feared they might never relax again. 

He spread her legs slowly, and reached down to bind her ankles to the spread legs of the table, keeping here there. Keeping her open to the views of those who’d gathered around. The leather against her soft skin made her want to shiver and pull her legs back in, demanding to gain some semblance of control in the face of the unknown, and she surrendered to that feeling of anticipation. What was it Poe always called it whenever he pushed Finn to do something he didn’t want to do, but was undoubtedly good for him?  _ Feel the fear and do it anyway _ . 

When had her life turned in to some cheesy Instagram slogan? 

She didn’t know his name as he eased himself closer to the apex of her thighs, her legs spread just wide enough to edge into discomfort. She didn’t know his name as he teased her already slick folds through the well worn fabric of her panties, slipping the fabric to the side to ease a finger inside of her. She sent up a prayer of thanks to her former self for having ticked off  _ leather _ and  _ tied up _ as a kink she was certainly into, making a mental note to ensure that she checked over with Leia that it was added to her current roster of desires and interests. The fabric felt strange inside of her, warm yet impersonal all at once, as though the man knuckle deep inside of her was equally there, and not at the same time. He could be anyone. He  _ was  _ anyone, and his gaze was eating her alive as he worked his finger as deep inside of her as he could go. His spare hand reached up her body, teasing her left, then her right nipple, until they ached from being pinched and pulled, toyed with as though she was his personal puppet to manipulate and tease as he desired. 

Wasn’t she? 

Her breathing stuttered as he leaned in to suck her left breast into his mouth, his wide, soft lips opening far enough to take her whole breast past them. His tongue pressed hard against the oversensitive bud, and she whimpered, head hitting the table hard as she arched her back into his touch. He was hardly doing anything that she hadn’t already done to herself, hadn’t had done to her before, but it felt electric. It felt right. 

When he added a second finger to scissor her open, to rub against that delicate spot just past her opening and dragged the tips of his fingers over and over against it, she wailed. Her whole body went taut, her nails digging into the skin as he drew her closer, closer--. 

And pulled out just before she could come. 

“Quiet, pet,” he growled, voice low, commanding in a way she hadn’t known possible, and Rey forced herself to swallow a wail of disappointment as her cunt clenched on nothing. Two fingers deep and she’d felt impossibly full, light headed and weightless, and the shock of being empty seemed as though she’d had a limb removed. Still, she quieted herself, thighs already trembling with anticipation as he dragged his fingers past her slit once more, and switched to mouth and suck at her right breast. 

How long he continued to edge her for Rey couldn’t begin to guess. When his jaw ached, he used his hand to tease her breasts again, slapping the hypersensitive skin until she tasted blood from biting on the inside of her cheeks to keep herself quiet. He brought her to the edge enough times to make her lose count, and when she found she couldn’t be quiet any longer, he stuffed his fingers past her lips, forcing her to taste her own arousal as her body fought to keep from coming yet again. The leather of his gloves felt like silk against her lips, soft and supple even as he pressed them so far she nearly gagged. 

She had to trust him, had to trust he knew what he was doing, and even as tears spilled down the sides of her temples she refused to let him down. To let herself down. She was stronger than that. 

When he pulled his fingers back from her mouth, she chased after them ever so slightly, not ready for the pressure to leave her, and caught his full lips curling upwards in a bemused smile. “Desperate, are we?” 

“Yes, sir.” She wet her lips. “Please.” 

“Please, what?” 

She ignored the weight of the eyes on her, forcing herself to focus on his brown orbs alone. They were warm, they would keep her safe. They enveloped her, held her, and she wanted to drown in them. “Please, fuck me. Use me.” She felt her cheeks grow warm as his mouth fell open in a soft moan of his own, and the fingers that had been inside of her cunt, inside of her mouth, reached down to tease her already too sensitive nipples once more. 

“Say it again.” 

“Fuck me, sir.” 

He pinched her right nipple. “I couldn’t hear you.” 

Tears welled in her eyes as her hips bucked upwards, clamping down on nothing and desperate for more friction. More sensation. “Please! Fuck me, sir!” 

His spare hand reached up and cupped her cunt, dragging a finger lazily down her slit, teasing her entrance with the shallowest of thrusts. She barely had enough sensation to sustain her pleasure, her hips shimmying to try and take him deeper, when he brought that finger lower still. Oh. She’d almost forgotten she’d agreed to that part. 

Her dominant spread the slick that he’d collected from her cunt on the furl of her ass, easing the tip of his finger over the tight muscle as she forced herself to slow down her breathing, to ease up and relax for him. She wanted to be good, wanted him to praise her and tell her how obedient and perfect she was being for him without him having to ask. 

The hiss that came from between his teeth, lips pulled back in a satisfied grimace, when the very tip of his gloved finger slipped inside of her was reward in itself. His velvet voice was the icing on the proverbial cake. “Why, aren’t you a good girl for me? Already relaxed, already so open for me. Were you hoping I’d fuck your ass, kitten?” 

Something in his voice teased at her consciousness, an itch just beyond her grasp, and the more he spoke the more she found herself squirming beneath him. Had she seen him perform before? There was a rasp to his words that delighted her to the very core, something almost metallic sounding, almost inhuman, but still so very familiar. 

She couldn’t focus much more on it as he eased his finger inside of her ass to the knuckle, stopping only when his hand was flush up against the globes of her ass. 

_ Oh _ . She squeezed her eyes shut, heels digging into the table legs, thighs burning with the effort to not fuck herself back onto his hand, and to not pull away as well, her mind caught in a loop of fight or flight. She couldn’t decide which sounded more appealing, which seemed safer. 

Was both a fitting option? 

Like the good girl that she tried so hard to be, she took it, and when he pulled his finger out, and spread her open with a second, she just let herself whimper. He worked his fingers slowly inside of her as her hips started to rock back and forth. She’d taken plugs before, but his fingers were thick and long, longer than anything else she’d ever tried. 

It felt as though only seconds had passed when he pulled his fingers free from inside of her, teasing her open further as he withdrew his digits. Her following whimper was stillborn as she felt something hard and tapered take its place. 

She watched, eyes wide, as he wet his full lips and grinned. “You’re going to be so full for me, aren’t you little girl? Full of my fingers, full of my cock. Gonna put this pretty kitten plug in your ass, fill you up further. Do you want that, sweetheart?”

Yes. Yes she did. She nodded, swearing she was drooling all down the side of her as she struggled to sit up and watch him press the plug into her ass. The eyes of those surrounding them melted away, and there was only her, and her dominant. That strange sense of peace that fell over her at that thought, as her world dwindled down to the sensation of being taken care of, and being well fucked, she realized that was exactly what she was looking for. 

Exactly what she’d always been looking for. 

Relaxation hit to the bone, and she shivered as her dominant ran a hand up her abdomen, teasing her breasts and pinching her nipples until she was practically dripping onto the plug he finally seated fully inside of her. He cooed praises, voice thick with pleasure, and she came alive under the weight of his happiness. It wasn’t until he reached up to cup the side of her face she realized he’d removed his gloves, setting them off God knew where. His skin was calloused, but warm. Not sweaty, or clammy like she was certain her hands would’ve been, but a comfort. 

She leaned into his hand, biting her bottom lip and staring up at him. Focusing her whole attention on him. 

“Tell me--tell me what it looks like, please. What it looks like when I’m filled with you,” she begged, her mouth dry and her head in the stratosphere. Rockets could never get so high as she was on the feeling of his skin against hers, of the press of his fingers into her muscle. When he teased her entrance with the head of his cock, Rey keened. 

“Please, sir, tell me--.” 

“It looks perfect, kitten,” he finally said, voice broken with lust, with temptation. She made him this way. She made his voice crack, made his cheeks flush and his ears go red under that thick, black hair he’d pulled away from his face. “You look perfect, like you were made to be spread wide, teased and played with like the good girl that you are. You take me so well, you take my fingers, you take that plug in your ass, and you’re going to take my cock so well. Are you ready for me, kitten? Ready for my cock to fill you up?” 

She nodded until she felt lightheaded. “Please. Sir, please.” 

He tilted his hips closer, and she felt him breach her, splitting her open until she swore she could hear colors, and smell sounds. “Master.” 

Her head shot up, mouth hanging open. “What?” 

He hilted himself and she had to choke back a wail of surprise as her soul sung with happiness. With completion. “Call me  _ master _ .” 

 

She remembered coming more times than she had ever done in a span of a couple hours. Remembered trying to stand on coltish legs, and being carried back to her room by the same man who’d rendered her limbs useless. His grip had been as firm and unyielding as his fucking had been, and he’d taken care of her the way that she’d always wanted to be taken care of. His praises made her feel light headed, oxygen deprived, the way that a good, long make out session did. His reverent touch made her very skin sing and come alive. 

When he set her back in her room, she watched with wide, almost unseeing eyes, as he brought her clothes back and helped her dress, easing her back to consciousness, one that told her that this? This was how it was supposed to be. 

“I know,” she tried speaking as he started to pull away. Her lips felt too heavy, too dry to make much sense, but she needed to try. “I know--we’re supposed to keep these masks on. But--please. That was so good. Do you--how will I know it’s you, if I wanted to do this again?” 

It felt like too weighty a question to say in the changing room of a house she’d never been to before, yet too personal to say anywhere else. He just stared at her, eyes dark behind his mask. Was that a hint of fear that made them dart between hers? 

She swallowed down the words that he didn’t have to be afraid, that she felt whatever it was they shared, that there was no denying they worked well together--. She let him take his time, watched silently as those same fingers that had worked her perfectly, as though they’d been built to, moved back to undo the secure tie on the back of his head. 

Watched, in silent, abject surprise and horror, as Ben stared down at her, tight lipped and anxious, eyes searching hers for any sense of disappointment. 

Oh, she was a fool. How had she missed it? How could she think those lips could belong to anyone else, that his sinful voice could have been any other man? 

“Hello, Rey. Why don’t we go get breakfast, talk?” 

Fuck, she was an idiot, wasn’t she? 

She had to have been for agreeing to go with him. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead! I promise! Things are finally starting to move around here. I move into a new apartment in T-6 days, my job has gotten more hectic as I continue to search for a new one, and I'm finally--finally--trying to settle back into a habit of writing and reading more than before.   
> A thousand and one thank yous to those who have helped out over ko-fi and Patreon, and to everyone who has responded so kindly over tumblr and been so supportive, both there and on here. Thank you for reading, thank you for waiting and being patient, and I hope that I can make it up to you, if not with this update, with the rest of the story as it comes.

Never, in a million years, would she have guessed that Ben Solo had a soft spot for IHOP. It seemed incredible, ridiculous even, that she’d be sitting across a waxy booth from him, picking at the three over easy eggs and toast she’d ordered, while he wolfed down a stack of pancakes as wide as his hand. They had had quite the night, she supposed, and there were worse things to carb load with.

Besides, could she really begrudge him a meal when he’d offered to pay for hers? 

When he stopped to breathe, she managed to catch his gaze. “So. Did you know it was me?” Her eyes begged for honesty, and given the way he chewed on the inside of his cheek, he was apt to give it to her. She was careful to keep her voice down, not wanting them to be overheard, but the place was practically dead. There was something strange, Finn had always said, about the wee hours of the night. She’d thought, at the time, that he’d just meant that their trip to Walmart at four in the morning was going to be an odd one, but even now she felt a strange . . . something in the air between herself and Ben. Something that didn’t have entirely to do with what they’d just done. 

Something that felt a lot like a string constantly pulling them closer. Maybe it was just the lack of sleep. Maybe she was just going crazy. 

Ben cleared his throat, and it brought her attention back to the present, away from the strange train of thought her brain had considered following. “No. Not at first. When we were partnered together it was just luck. Fate, I guess. Halfway through--I knew it was you. But I wasn’t going to end the scene. You understand, surely.” 

She nodded. Yes. They’d both signed for anonymity play after all, hadn’t they? That was the theme of the night, that was what she’d wanted to do. No one could’ve made her do anything that she didn’t want, and she hadn’t safe worded out. Besides, a voice deep inside her chest countered, hadn’t she known it was him? Hadn’t his voice teased on the edges of her subconscious, begging her to let go and surrender to a man she knew better than she could’ve thought? This was only their second scene, and though it’d been a public exhibition what had happened between them couldn’t have felt any more private. Her toes still curled with the memory of how swiftly and easily he’d filled her. How  _ right  _ it had felt for him to do so. 

She wet her lips as she stabbed the tines of her fork into her egg yolks, watching the yellow bleed out into the toast she’d ordered alongside it. “Why were you there, at the Cantina, with those two?” 

She hadn’t enat to ask it. Hadn’t, for the longest time, wanted to know. It wasn’t any of her business, surely, what he did with his free time. Though she’d been certain that he’d agreed with her when she told him she didn’t want anything to do with the First Order, watching him sit with them and chat had felt like a betrayal that she didn’t feel a right to. 

She knew better than to ask, but the question was already out there, stilling Ben’s fork halfway to his mouth. He set the utensil and syrup-coated bite down onto his plate, and Rey noticed how his fingers had started to tremble slightly. “I’ve been trying to talk to you about this--. Now you want to know? Now that I’ve been inside of you, and had a scene with you?” His hands balled into fists on the table, and Rey felt her cheeks grow warm. 

“Only if you’re willing to tell me. You have a right to your business as much as I do--.” 

“Yeah. And I was trying to explain myself to you before this. You wanted nothing to do with me.” 

“I was in shock” she protested, though the words sounded lame. “You’d shown me what they could do at their very worst, and when I told you that I didn’t want that, but I wanted you--. And then saw you with them. Ben, what was I supposed to think?” 

“You were supposed to trust me.” 

“I hardly knew you! I hardly know you now!” She felt her cheeks begin to burn, her stomach twisting until it coiled so tightly within her she wasn’t sure how to breathe. She was grateful that at least the restaurant was nearly empty, the hungover college kids in the corner too interested in their own sad stories to notice Rey and Ben bickering, their waitress absent for some time already. 

Ben sat back, his lips in a tight line as he surveyed her, while Rey did all she could to keep her eyes averted. 

“Look,” Rey murmured after a moment. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for . . . panicking. But what I saw at First Order scared me. It, to me, was more than enough to make me want to run for the hills and never look back. Knowing that you  _ trained  _ there freaked me out. I can’t lie about it.” She wet her lips. “So when I saw you three sitting down, chatting like it was just any other night, all that processed was my fear. You understand that. Don’t you?” 

Could he? She wasn’t so sure he was ever afraid of anything, let alone getting in over his head like she worried about. 

Ben wet his lips at that, and set his hands down on either side of him at the table. “What did you think was going to happen?” he asked quietly. “That I was going to agree with you, then go back to it? Go back to that way of thinking, of treating people?”

Was it so impossible to believe her mind had jumped to the conclusion? Maybe she hadn’t been trusting enough, maybe she hadn’t been  _ able  _ to be trusting enough, and she bit her bottom lip as she felt what was left of her appetite diminish. “Yes,” she said, the simple word falling with all the seriousness of an atomic bomb between them. Ben sat back, looking as though she’d struck him, while Rey pulled her knees up to her chest, balancing her chin on them. The booth was far away enough from the table to allow for it, and truthfully Ben felt miles even further. “Ben,” she started quietly. “I don’t know what to expect--from you, form this world, from anyone. Nothing. I’ve been on my own long enough to know that at the end of the day, I’m all I’ve got. And you’re not responsible for what has happened in my life to change my--my way of thinking. And you’re not responsible for proving it correct or incorrect. But it felt too good to be true between us. Too surreal.” She forced herself to take a breath, her words starting to run into one another in her anxiety to get them all out before she became too afraid. “Every experience I’ve had in my life has set me up to believe that nothing like what we had--have--had. Whatever. Could last.” Her arms tightened around her legs, until she was pressing so hard against her abdomen that she could barely breathe. She forced herself to relax, but only just. She didn’t want to let on just how difficult of a conversation this was for her to be having, but maybe . . . maybe she should. Maybe, just once, letting someone else in wouldn’t be too terrible. “It’s not--it’s not that you didn’t give me a reason to trust you--or to not trust you. It’s that everything else in my life has. And that’s not right.” She had to clench her jaw and take a moment as her last word wavered. 

She was not going to be that girl, not going to cry in the booth at an IHOP with her not-Dom across from her, looking as though the very fate of the universe rested in whatever was struggling to be released from her trembling lips. “It’s not right of me to have made those assumptions.” 

“Rey, don’t--.” 

She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut as her throat tried to close around her next words, begging her not to do it--. “I just. I shouldn’t. And I’m sorry.” God, she was such a mess. 

If Ben minded, he didn’t mention it. “Hey. C’mere.” 

Rey’s eyes opened, blinking furiously to let the few, fat tears slip past her eyes and roll down her cheeks. Ben looked paler in the harsh white light overhead, but his expression was warm. Determined. She missed that sense of determination in his gaze. Unwinding her muscles, she eased herself off her booth and squeezed in next to him, allowing him to wrap an arm around her waist, and smoothing a hand over her hair as she pressed her face to his chest. She was shaking, but there was no way she could stop now that she’d started to quiver. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically spent, and he was so warm. So solid against her. The feel of his thick fingers as they ran through her hair, then moved down to rub her back gently, was enough to at least quiet the sobs that threatened to work their way out of her mouth. 

He leaned closer to press his lips to the top of her head. “It’s ok, Rey. It’s ok. I feel it, too.” 

 

Three days later found her knocking on Luke’s door, her mind made up even as her mouth went dry at the task she’d laid out in front of herself. The books she’d hauled all the way back to his home weighed heavily in her arms, but it was a weight she was happy to carry, if only for the relief of being done with it sooner. At least this book return wouldn’t fill her with the same disappointment as selling her books back at the end of the year, only to find that she’d gotten back enough for maybe a beer or two at the bar. No, this came with relief not far behind, she was sure. 

The door opened to show a sleepy, mussed Luke blinking blearily up at her, looking far more haggard than she was used to. 

What was the cause of that? She wasn’t so self obsessed--hopefully, at least--to think it was her. Ben had promised to have a chat with his uncle before Rey went to visit, but she couldn’t believe that that would have him up late, either. Even if an evening conversation between the two had taken place, she wasn’t so sure that there was anything Ben could have ever said that would cause his uncle to lose sleep over it. 

They stared at one another in silence before Luke finally said: “Didn't know if you’d ever come back.” He ran a hand over his face, straightening out the odd hairs on his beard, lessening his unkempt appearance. 

Rey tried not to snort. It was hard to take him too seriously when she noticed he had on faded Kermit slippers, the light green a far cry from the deep galaxy pajamas he was rocking. It would’ve almost been adorable had he not looked so grouchy. She forced herself to keep to business. She could focus on his sleeping apparel choices at a later date. Or not.  “Yeah, well. I owe you books, and you owe me a story. Mara Jade. I want to know what happened to your wife, and you promised to tell me.” 

If he was surprised at her knowledge of just who Mara was, he face didn’t show it. Instead he grew stiff, all traces of exhaustion disappearing as he stared up at her. A heartbeat, two, three passed before he beckoned her inside with his two forefingers. His slippers squeaked with every step, and she had to keep herself from grinning at the sound. “Coffee first. Stories after. You can leave the books on the counter, and none of the pages better stick together.” 

She could hardly argue with his logic. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the cliff-hanger! I have the beginnings of the next update, but since I found a half decent ending point, I didn't want to keep you all waiting any longer now that I finally had some sort of a cohesive update.   
> Now, that being said: I'm so sorry if this feels disjointed. I had the first half written . . . forever ago, and then had a sort of burst of inspiration and ran with it. I worry that it might seem like two different voices, but at this point I'm just glad to have something slapped together that I just kinda . . . threw it at you all.   
> Hope it wasn't too noticeable. Thank you, again, so much for all of your support, your continued kind words and readership, and for being so understanding.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyy, long time no see! 
> 
> So, the short and skinny of it all is that I am now moved, have a seasonal job as well as my full time position, and NaNoWriMo comes closer every day. I can't promise more consistent updates, now that things are continuing to get hectic, but I am going to try and reward myself with writing fanfic once I get back into the consistent writing habits that I pick up for NaNo. 
> 
> Ideally, at least. That's the plan. Fingers crossed!
> 
> **Now, this chapter does come with a warning: There's referenced underage, not entirely consensual sexual relations between a character and another, and while there aren't any gory, sordid details about just what happens, it's mentioned and out there, so I wanted to be sure to draw your attention to it if that is a concern. It's over with starting with the line: "Luke nodded, expression pensive, brow heavy."**
> 
> Thank you, as ever, to those who have reached out to help me through Patreon and KoFi, you are incredibly wonderful, giving people, and thank you to everyone for continuing to read and being so understanding through this most . . . crazy of life changes. 
> 
> Thank you from the bottom of my heart, it means the absolute world to me.

Coffee couldn’t have been any more awkward if Rey had been fucking Ben right then and there in front of Luke. They sat across from one another, but he didn’t meet her eye, focusing instead on the way his creamer, and then sugar, dissolved into his drink, while Rey tried not to let her frustration manifest in the constant tapping of her heel on the ground. 

He’d been the one to promise her answers, and now that she’d come to collect he was getting cold feet? Unbelievable. Barely restraining a sigh of impatience, she straightened her back and tipped her head to the side, managing to catch the way his eyes skittered across the surface of the kitchen table. 

“Are you afraid to tell me about her?” As though she had to be any more specific. When she’d told Ben about Luke’s promise, before he’d all but ended her lessons, Ben had given her what little information he himself knew. Mara and Luke had met at an exhibition, they’d had a long, drawn out affair that had gotten his sister, brother in law, and what little family she had involved, before they’d even gotten married. 

Ben didn’t remember them being together for long. By the time he was making a name for himself at First Order, Mara and Luke had separated, and she’d taken off for the coast. 

Luke had barely participated in the community since then. Rey, as she’d surmised, was Leia’s way of getting him to come out of his shell again. 

And she’d let her down by not being able to do a damn thing. If anything, she might’ve set Luke back about half a dozen steps.  “Are you going to talk to me, or just watch your coffee?” she asked, trying to keep her voice as light as she could, but she worried that she’d waste her life away before he said something. 

His gaze was hard when he brought it up to meet hers, and she swallowed thickly as she wondered just why she’d bothered opening her mouth. Right. 

“I’m still waking up. Surely, you can begrudge me a little time to get my wits about me. It’s not every day I have someone on my doorstep at the ass crack of the morning asking for answers.” 

She allowed herself the smallest of smiles. “Then everyone else has been slacking, especially you if you think eight in the morning is the asscrack of dawn.” 

He grunted, and brought his mug up to take a sip, mulling his thoughts over as the clock just overhead ticked away their time. Rey crossed her arms over her chest and settled in for the wait. Luke might have been stubborn, but she was used to waiting. The constant jiggling of her leg only betrayed that she didn’t  _ want  _ to wait, not that she couldn’t. At least that was what she told herself. 

Luke’s voice was steady as he began to talk. Rey wasn’t certain why this came as a surprise to her. “Mara didn’t have the best introduction into the BDSM community as you, or my nephew, or myself have had. When I met her at one of the parties that my father’s old work buddies would throw, latched onto the arm of some old bastard who didn’t deserve to be in the same room as her, let alone with her at his side, she was barely eighteen, and had been made to believe that . . . that certain expectations were normal about women, and how they were treated. Her homelife hadn’t been a comfortable or supportive one, and it had forced her to look for support and affirmation wherever she could get it. You see, she never knew she had a choice. She never knew that she could say no, that safe words were a possibility, that limits even existed. She came from darkness, born into a family that couldn’t afford to feed themselves and so found a wealthy man with an affinity for redheads to make Mara pay their way.” 

He swallowed thickly. Rey was finding it hard to breathe, not wanting to miss a word, and yet terrified at what she’d hear next.

“At that time I didn’t ask her about her past, knowing it was all her own, but there was something so magnetic about her that I could understand--. It was difficult not to get drawn in the same as everyone else. She was beautiful, yes, but more than that she knew how to make you feel as though you were the only one who mattered. I was, admittedly, taken in.” 

He sighed, and took another deep pull from his coffee as Rey leaned closer, not realizing that she was so fixated until her back started to ache. “She was only eighteen? Only  _ just  _ eighteen? And she--. Jesus.” 

Luke nodded, expression pensive, brow heavy. She could practically feel the weight of the story on his shoulders. “Her tale of what happened before me isn’t mine to share. What I can say about us is that I--I tried to help her out of it as best that I could. I wanted her to be safe, but more than anything else I wanted her to realize that she  _ could  _ be safe with someone, even if it wasn’t me.” He had to stop to clear his throat, and Rey looked the other way as he brought a hand up to the tears beading in his eyes. Her eyes locked on a small box of Kleenex, and stood to walk over and grab it for him, returning to set it just beside him without a word. He reached over to take one, and nodded in her direction when she took her seat again. 

A couple moments passed before Luke cleared his throat, and dropped the wadded tissue besides his coffee mug. “We stole as much time together as we could, away from her . . . master, for lack of a better term, and away from my family. Leia didn’t approve of her much. She didn’t think that Mara should’ve been in the community at all, and believed that a break away from any sort of power play would be what was best for her. She didn’t know Mara as I told myself I did. All Mara needed was to know the rules, and that she was safe, that she could surrender without worrying about being taken advantage of. A regular relationship, I’d argued, wouldn’t give her that. I thought--I  _ knew  _ I could help her, and in my arrogance I asked her to marry me. It would free her from her place, and it would allow her a chance to start again. Leia didn’t push it. She was having family issues of her own, so while I deluded myself into thinking that she supported me in her own way, I don’t know that she had the time, or energy, to get involved. If she had, things. Things might have happened differently.” 

He broke off with a watery snort, the sound so sharp that Rey actually jumped, her heart hammering against her chest as Luke looked up. His eyes were rimmed with red, but clear. They didn’t seem to be looking at her, but  _ past  _ her, as though he saw someone else in her seat just across the table from him. 

How many times did he speak to the ghost of his wife? The spectre of a woman who’d clearly made such an impact on him? 

How often had he looked at Rey, taught her about limitations, about the role of a submissive and a dominant, and imagined someone that wasn’t her? Her skin crawled, but she held his gaze until her eyes began to sting. 

Luke blinked first and cleared his throat again. “We were both of us wrong. Despite how I tried to explain, and show, Mara,  how freeing a positive, balanced relationship could be--how important communication was, how crucial limitations and consent and  _ everything  _ was, it didn’t work. It didn’t take. She’d take it too far when she was dominating, not knowing how to focus on anything but her own desires because it was all that had ever been taught to her--. And wouldn’t know when to tell anyone else to stop when she acted as submissive.” 

Rey felt goosebumps start up her arms, pimpling the skin as thoughts of First Order came to mind. The anxious, pained cries of those on the stage, the angry, red marks left by the dominant with no care for their submissive’s preferences or desires. It wasn’t Mara’s fault, of course, but Luke had truly thought he could’ve reversed that many years of learned behavior. It wasn’t just arrogance--it was love. There was no other word for it, she thought, and her mind raced back to Ben. Was she just as infatuated for thinking she’d be able to change him? 

No. No,  _ he  _ changed himself. She could see it in the way he looked at her, the way that he’d spoken with her at the restaurant, handled her on the table in front of everyone else. 

“Now, growing up in this house meant that Ben was witness to more than a couple of her outbursts. He was just starting to dip his toes into our community and culture, though Leia had done her damndest to keep him from ever being part of it. She’d tried to convince him to be more like his father, to have Han set up as a better role model but that . . . that didn’t pan out the way she’d hoped. Even then, Ben already had a predisposition for the extreme. When he ran off to be a part of The First Order it was just confirming my deepest fears for him. Well. You can see now why I told you he wasn’t someone to entrust your wellbeing with.” 

Luke ran a hand down his beard, and took a sip of his now surely cold coffee. Rey’s own was abandoned, warming her frozen hands while the rest of her fought off shivers. His expression twisted with displeasure, and he stood to bring the mug to the microwave, nuking it for a minute while Rey sat in silence. Her head was buzzing too loudly to make much sense of anything at that moment, the truth and realities of Ben’s introduction making her stomach twist and her head pound. 

Then again, didn’t she know a thing or two about wanting a taste of the forbidden fruit herself? 

Warmed mug in hand, Luke stepped back to the table and took his seat. The creaking wood brought Rey’s attention out of her inner dialogue, and given Luke’s pitying look, and the chill she felt on her face, she knew she had to be crying. 

Sniffling, she reached up to wipe her face dry. “You really didn’t think you could help him?”

Luke’s knuckles went white, even in spite of the steam rising from his mug. “Rey, listen to me when I tell you: he’d witnessed Mara’s more difficult sessions, and the fallout that came with both on a personal and a physical level, and yet when the opportunity presented itself for him to resist, he didn’t. There’s a darkness, a seductive edge that I worry he’d employ to bring you around.”

“But he hasn’t,”Rey blurted, cutting him off before she could think better. “He’s not pushed me--and we had a couple of miscommunications of course, but he’s learned since then. He’s changed.” 

God, she sounded pathetic, even to herself. Cliched. 

It didn’t make it any less true. 

For a moment Luke didn’t seem to know what to say, and so simply stared at her, motionless, from across the table. Her stomach dropped when he began to laugh, the sound devoid of any emotion or humor. This was the laugh of a parent being told there had been an incident at school and they needed to sit down before hearing the news, of an adult being told that their superior wished them all the best of luck in their new endeavors, yet couldn’t be bothered to give the parting blow themselves. 

This wasn’t a laugh she wanted to be on the receiving end of, and she felt her ears and cheeks heat up in frustration. 

“Didn’t you hear a thing I said, Rey?” Luke asked, voice incredulous. “You can’t change that way of thinking, not once it’s so ingrained in them. I tried to reason with Mara, as Leia tried to reason with Ben when he first made his intentions clear to leave. Nothing we did, or said, or railed on about made a goddamn difference. You can’t change someone. To think so, to have the arrogance that you alone wield that power over one person--it’s madness. It’s folly. You’re only setting yourself up to be a fool, and I never took you to be a fool.” 

“Just because you failed Mara doesn’t mean I will Ben.” 

The heat intensified in her cheeks as any trace of emotion was lost on Luke’s face now. She shouldn’t have said that. She didn’t need to pull herself down to that level. Her heart leapt into her throat, her eyes growing wide at her mistake. How he hadn’t reached across the table to smack her, yelled himself hoarse, was testament enough to his control. She only wished that hers was as good. 

The silence between them stretched, taut as a strained rubber band, but she didn’t dare say anything just yet. She ought to apologize, should’ve felt ashamed for having called him out. 

She didn’t. She didn’t even feel guilty. 

She looked up and met his eyes once more, holding his heated gaze for as long as she could. “What happened to make you two get a divorce?” she asked, voice quiet. “Where is she now?” 

Luke wet his lips. “Upstate. Somewhere else, with someone who doesn’t tell her no. I got the papers in the mail, from a different man’s address. She’d already started using his last name.” 

Now Rey felt sick. Her chair scraped at the floor as she pushed away from the table, standing up. She swallowed down the nausea roiling in her stomach, her skin feeling hot and cold all at the same time. “Ben isn’t Mara. And I’m not you. The situations aren’t the same, Luke. You lost Ben when you assumed he couldn’t come back. Hell I don’t even know if you tried to convince him of anything else! But I--I don’t think he’s beyond redemption.” 

There was a clarity in his eyes, as though he only just saw her for the first time. As if the smoke had been lifted, and the woman in front of him wasn’t at all who he’d thought her to be. “Then you’ll be the next to understand the crush of defeat when you’re proven wrong.” 

 

Rey had to walk away before either of them said anything else they might regret. 

 

In the back of her mind, Rey had wanted to surprise Ben with her visit, but it was difficult to do when she didn’t even know where he lived.  A couple of texts and a shared location later found her in front of his apartment, three floors up, her body shivering from anything but the chill. Ben ushered her inside without a word, taking her coat and leading her to his living room and couch. This wasn’t how she’d envisioned her first time at his place, not even slightly. 

When he pulled her into his arms and eased her forehead against his shoulder, she let her body go lax in his grip. It didn’t register immediately that the soft keening was coming from her throat, nor that he was telling her it was okay, that she was okay now that she was with him as his hand rubbed the span of her back, taking his time working small circles down the line of her waist, then back up between her shoulder blades. 

He pulled a blanket over the pair of them to help with the shivering, and she hiccupped softly as he wrapped it around her back and just slightly over him, to ensure she was completely encased by the warm, soft fabric. She couldn’t help but nuzzle closer, hands fisted in the fabric of his shirt, tears having stained it with salt where she’d pressed her face against him. If he minded he didn’t say. 

Instead, he leaned in to kiss just above her ear, the top of her head, then the other side, taking his time calming her down. She learned to match her breathing to his at his prompting, and sensation began to work its way back into the tips of her fingers and toes. His breath was warm when he spoke against her hair. “You don’t have to worry about Luke anymore,” he promised. “I’ll take care of you, Rey. You’re mine now, I’ve got you. I won’t let you go.” 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so very much for your continued support on this last chapter! I hope this next one makes up for the wait.

She must’ve dozed off against his arm, because when she came to the world was dark around her, and filled with the scent of oregano, tomato, and garlic. Ben was gone, but she wasn’t on the couch any longer. No couch could be as soft as the mattress and sheets beneath her. For a moment Rey allowed herself to languish on them, to further curl herself up in the sheets he’d tucked her into, and just breathe. 

Only the urge to pee was strong enough to rouse her out of bed. She wasn’t quite sure what kinks Ben was in to, but she certainly wasn’t interested in watersports herself, and wasn’t keen on risking the potential embarrassment of finding out if he was, or wasn’t. The bathroom that was attached onto his bedroom was just about as large as her own bedroom, if not bigger, and she marveled at the tub shower combination that looked as if it might’ve cost her entire security deposit. After washing her hands, she took time examining the contents of said shower, wondering if he might oppose to her using his conditioner. She couldn’t begin to pronounce the name, but it smelled fancy, like sandalwood and cedar, smokey and like  _ Ben _ so much so that it made her stomach knot. 

How had it all gotten like this, so twisted up and confusing that she could hardly tell what was up and what was down in a world she’d, until recently, felt somewhat comfortable in?

She set his conditioner back down, wetting her lips as she reached over to turn on the shower, letting the hot water steam up the mirror and glass walls that surrounded the entire unit. Her clothes hit the floor with a soft thud, before she slid the door open and stepped inside, a towel already folded over the top for when she got done. 

There was something religious about the way that the water felt on her skin, purifying, as though the steam and heat were enough to cleanse her body and mind of everything that had happened, and affording her a new clarity to look back at the past couple days. Luke’s hesitance with her, with Ben, with allowing himself to get wrapped back up in the BDSM community, was far more understandable now than she would’ve thought. Hadn’t she reacted strongly at seeing Ben sitting down with those who he’d once called compatriots, and they’d not even been married. Hell, they weren’t even dating. Was that even a possibility, dating within the community, or were there rules for that, too? 

She could scarcely imagine being married, and involved in these sort of extracurricular activities. It would be one thing to share a submissive or dominant for a scene, but something deep inside of Rey growled at the thought of another woman calling Ben “sir” as he praised or punished her. 

She shook her head, scattering droplets of water against the steamed up glass, before the door pulled open from the outside. Ben stared at her, his eyes soft, but pupils blown, his lips curled upwards ever so slightly in a soft smile. 

“Can I come in?” 

Rey swallowed with minor difficulty. When had this gotten so complicated? “Yeah, of course. ‘S your shower.” 

He looked puzzled, even as he started to undress, and while something inside of Rey screamed that she needed to apologize, that she needed to let him know that he was still wanted, was still important, she didn’t let the words leave her mouth. They tasted of bile when she swallowed them down, holding his gaze as he stripped and finally stepped inside. The glass door shut with a certain finality, and he stepped close enough to her to force Rey up against the wall. 

“Hi,” he murmured, voice deep enough to echo in her chest cavity. 

“Hi.” She could barely hear herself over the sound of water hitting the ground, her cheeks warm, her lips parted as she stared at him. All of him. Something about the proximity, the intimacy, made him seem all the larger and more present. When he leaned in to kiss her, she stepped closer willingly, the distance between them disappearing as her arms wrapped around his shoulders, and his hands cupped her behind, gripping her with a security she was quickly becoming used to. He hoisted her up and into his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist his cock pressed up against her center, but he didn’t enter her. Didn’t even try. She whimpered and ground down against him, trying to find the perfect angle so she could sink atop of him and find some of that relief, scratch that itch that only ever seemed present when he was around, but he didn’t let her. He kept kissing the life out of her, like he was dying, drowning willingly in her lips, just desperate enough to keep coming back for another taste. Rey pressed her breasts against his chest, hoping it might spurr him into further action, but no. 

“Soon, baby. Soon,” he promised when they finally broke away to breathe, his eyes glossy, his lips swollen from having kissed her so much. She was sure she looked just as equally a wreck as he did, and whimpered in dissatisfaction when he eased her onto her feet once more. 

His hands were gentle as he combed his fingers through her hair, grabbing the shampoo she’d been eyeing earlier and squirting a fair dollop onto his fingers. When he massaged it into her hair, nails dragging perfectly, wonderfully, against her scalp, she actually moaned, certain her legs would turn to jelly underneath her as he worked. It didn’t help that his cock was pressed right up against the curve of her ass, and with every motion of his hands, she could feel it twitch and move against her, so close yet so far from her grasp. She closed her eyes and forced herself to focus on the scalp massage instead, trying to block everything else out as the room started to smell perfectly, inescapably, like the man just behind her. 

When he finished, she insisted on returning the favor, though she did so while standing in front of him, wanting him to get an eyeful of exactly what it was he was missing. Much to her disbelief, he behaved himself, keeping his eyes instead locked onto hers as she worked. 

Who was he? She wasn’t sure she’d ever met this Ben, who took things slowly, who didn’t jump her bones the very minute she was naked in front of him. Hell, he didn’t even ask why she’d popped into the shower, just came in right beside her. For a moment her heart lurched, wondering whether or not this was his way of showing her that he’d changed, while another voice deep inside her whispered that this was just part of his endgame. That he’d only play around this way until she was good and comfortable, and then immediately afterwards he’d adopt his old ways once more. 

She shook her head, explaining it away as water in her eyes when Ben hummed and put his hands on her hips, waiting patiently for her to stop rubbing her eyes. No. It wasn’t possible that he was that good of an actor, was it? 

Didn’t half of her issues stem from her inability to trust? Now was as good a time as any. Better, she thought as she looked up at him, and finished rinsing his hair of soap and conditioner. 

It was all coming to a head one way or another, she supposed it was better to know what she’d gotten herself into as soon as she could, especially if it was different than what she’d first thought. 

“What now?” she asked as the water ran clear around them, but neither bothered to get out. It was as though the heat had melted everything else away, leaving them the only two people in the galaxy. 

She didn’t find that it bothered her to think of that happening. 

“Now, I want to take you to bed,” he hummed, running his hands along the curve of her ass. “I want to show you everything I can offer you. Everything I can do for you. I want to show you that I’m worth it, all of the struggle and pain and--. And everything. But only if you say yes. Only if you want the same as I do.” 

God, did she ever. She nodded, struggling to find her words. “Yes. Yes I do. I want to see. Show me, Ben.” 

His kiss was hotter than the water temperature ever could be. 

 

He carried her to bed, body towel dried, hair braided and pulled into a knot at the back of her head so that it wouldn’t get in the way of their activities. She tried not to let herself curl up too much in his arms, tried not to feel so incredibly small and vulnerable, but it was difficult when he dwarfed her as he did. She had her safe word, and she knew his. She had to cling to that as a reassurance, worrying at her bottom lip until it grew plump and red underneath her teeth. 

He set her down on the soft mattress once more and spread her arms so that they were nearly touching the edges of the headboard. “If,” he murmured, pulling straps up from where they’d hidden underneath the bed, fixing them around Rey’s wrists. “You feel uncomfortable in any way--.” 

“Safe word,” she repeated, her smile as demure as she could make it given the heat of his stare. “Yes, master.” 

She watched him visibly shudder at the term, kissing the inside of her palm, before he moved to repeat the motion on the next hand. Her legs he left free, though she wasn’t so certain why until he spread them so wide it very nearly hurt. She was flexible, sure, but not in the way that he was testing. When he had them spread out as far as they could go, Rey wincing ever so slightly at the discomfort, he pressed his knees gently against her inner thighs to keep them there. 

Rey’s muscles shook, her nails already digging into her palms as Ben just stared down at her and dragged the fingers of his right hand slowly down her front. 

The tips of his fingers came down on her right breast, and Rey hissed through her teeth as her skin stung and her nipple throbbed from the unexpected attention. Her toes curled, amazed at how that quick spark of pain, followed by the strangle wobble of pleasure that came after when he massaged her abused breast, made her heart race. 

“How much do you know about your limits, kitten?” he asked, his voice soft, eyes so dark they were practically pits that threatened to swallow her whole. 

Rey tried not to whimper. “Not much. I know you’ve tested some, master.” 

“Have I?” he brought his hand down on her left breast, pinching the nipple this time until Rey’s hips bucked, aching, her cunt  _ empty  _ and in serious need of some love and care. 

Ben’s mouth coming down around it, sucking slowly at the sensitive bud, was more like what she was looking for. Her hands balled into fists above her, her eyes turning to slits as she watched him work, his cheeks hollowing as he enveloped her whole breast with his mouth and sucked. It was too much, it wasn’t enough. She needed him inside of her. 

“Master--please,” she begged, bucking her hips upwards again, her legs still spread wide, her slit pressing against his abdomen in her desperation for some sense of pressure. He arched his back, pulling away, and she whined. Tears started in the corners of her eyes and dripped down her face, the very same tears that, when Ben pulled away from her breast with a faint pop, he lapped up on her skin. 

“You’re so beautiful when you beg for me. Call me master again. Like you mean it.” 

But she did mean it. How could she show him? 

She stared up at him, her eyes wide, her heart pounding as though it thought to leave her chest. Like she meant it. Right. “Master,” she begged, voice throaty, breaking at the last syllable. “Master please. I need you. I need your cock inside of me, filling me up. I need to feel whole again with you. I need you to fuck me until I can’t walk, until I can’t think straight. Need you to punish me for disobeying you, for not listening.” She choked, her throat tightening up at the word. “Need you to punish me, so you can forgive me. Please. I just want to be good for you.” 

He pulled away with a rough exhale, his eyes glassy, but staring straight down into her own, holding her gaze until she saw his eyes begin to water. A thousand seconds seemed to tick by in the span of a heartbeat, more pleas for attention, for love, for affection dying on the tip of her tongue as he looked down at her with all the fire that she’d been yearning for, telling her that she belonged there. With him. 

That he’d take care of her. 

Gone were the promises of punishment, it seemed, but she couldn’t bring herself to mind. They had all the time in the world, after all. She whined when he didn’t move, and that seemed to jolt him into action. He released her legs, letting them wrap around his waist as he lined himself up with her, one hand on her waist, the other cupping her chin as he leaned in to kiss her. She let herself melt against his lips, forcing her body to slow down, to line her breaths up with his. There was no sense in panicking, in getting herself worked up while he was there. 

He wanted her. He wanted to take care of her. All she had to do was trust him to. 

In spite of everything, she had to trust him to take care of her, and as hard as it was to think about anyone knowing what was best for her, knowing how to take care of her, she believed that he could. He would. 

“Please, Master. Ben.” She shouldn’t have said his name, knew as soon as it passed her tongue that there was a punishment waiting for her, but all he did was kiss her again as he eased the head of his cock inside of her, filling her to the very brim in one smooth thrust. 

Rey felt as though her heart was in her throat, choking her, cutting off oxygen as her hands tugged at her bindings and her hips bucked upwards to meet him of their own accord. She was so  _ full _ , so blissfully, perfectly filled by him. Certainly they’d fucked before, but this . . . this felt different. 

This felt real. She was his, just as he was hers, and now that he laid claim to her body she dug her heels into his lower back to spur him on, begging him through choked sobs to keep going. To fuck her within an inch of her life. To use her, to love her, keep her as his own prized possession, never let her go. 

All this he promised her and more, his soft words pressed against her lips as he kissed her and his hips picked up the pace. She felt tears leaking freely from her eyes as she clung to him as best she could, wishing she could wrap her arms around him, wishing she could hold him, dig her nails into his skin and never let go. She had to trust him, though. He wouldn’t let her down, not now. Not now that he was her dominant, and she his submissive.

“M-Master. I wanna come. Please, please can I?” she begged, squeezing her thighs tighter around him, her toes curling as she did her best to fend it off for as long as she could manage. His cock hit every perfect spot within her, coaxing her closer and closer to the edge of orgasm that she wasn’t wholly prepared for, but knew to embrace regardless. She felt so pent up, her head so heavy with the stories and realities told to her in the past few hours that this? The bliss that was promised with this oncoming orgasm looked like heaven. 

Ben leaned in, and kissed her slowly, his tongue slipping against her bottom lip, before caressing hers slowly. Softly. She whimpered. 

“Yes, come for me. Come all over my cock, kitten.”

Her world spiraled in front of her eyes, and it seemed that his was soon to follow, his teeth sinking into the crook of her neck, sucking a bruise on her tanned skin as she bucked beneath him, her body afire and begging to share the flames with him. 

This. This was the belonging she’d been looking for all along. 

 

Ben rubbed the skin where the clasps had wrapped around Rey’s wrists as they laid in bed, Rey perched in his lap, leaning against his solid chest as she felt herself starting to drift off, exhaustion hitting for certain now that they’d just fucked. Fucked? 

Made love? 

There was something different in the air between them, and Rey couldn’t help but smile at the prospect of what it held for their future. 

She was just starting to drift off when Ben spoke in a voice so soft she might’ve missed it if she was any further down the rabbit hole of sleep: “Hux asked me to take over the First Order. That’s what they were meeting with me for.” 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off--happy end of November! I hit 50k words, and though this month has been a struggle, I succeeded in my goal and I am so, so stoked and incredibly grateful to you, my dear readers, for helping to keep me motivated. Please, have a chapter update! 
> 
> Now. This chapter comes with content warnings:given what we know about the First Order, we're going to find out why it is that Ben left, what finally drove him to say that enough was enough, and that my dear readers is **dark.** I'll include spoilers in the bottom note so that way you can determine if that's something you are able to read, I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable or triggered by the material. If you do intend to skip it, stop reading at **"If you think I’m just some child, or young girl, who you can try and protect by keeping me under wraps, it’s not going to go well for you--.”** and pick back up at **"Rey felt the tears hit her skin before she saw him crying or heard him sniffle, trying to pull himself together yet again."**
> 
> Thanks so much dear readers! I love and adore you, and am already almost 2k into the next update, and so hope to get it to you ASAP!

Any hopes of sleep flirting with the edge of Rey’s subconscious dissipated at Ben’s words, and she sat up so quickly that she knocked the top of her head against his chin. Head smarting, she stared at him with watery eyes, blinking quickly and refusing to believe that he’d waited--he’d waited until  _ now  _ to tell her so. 

“I said no.” 

The wind went out of her, and Rey leaned in to press her forehead against his shoulder. “Don’t scare me like that,” she muttered. “Next time, make sure to lead with the good news so that you don’t give me a damn heart attack, yeah?” 

He wasn’t laughing at her dramatics, not like she’d expected him to, and his melancholy made her worry. Why wasn’t he teasing her for being dramatic? Why wasn’t he telling her it was being fine, that they could go anywhere else and be okay? She searched his expression, only to find him looking back with just as much curiosity. 

“Ben . . . what’s wrong?” 

“Snoke, my old mentor. He finally died. And the worst--most fucked up thing? Is I wish it hadn’t been in his sleep. He was not a kind man. He did not believe in equality and safety, in fairness and rules other than his own. He hurt people, and taught me how to do the same. And I wish--. I wish he hadn’t died is all. Not peacefully. Not like that. He had cancer. A tumor. I knew it was painful, I knew he’d gone into remission for it and worked with his surgeons on removing it. For good. Guess that means they didn’t get all of it.” 

He took a slow, shaky breath and Rey let him, giving him time to think. Time to process. God knew he probably didn’t have many who he could still talk to about it, especially not if Hux was feeling like giving it up. Rey ran a hand slowly through his hair, forcing herself to calm down. That had to have been the bad news, right? Any minute he’d recount the brightest part of his day, and they’d move on. 

When he didn’t add anything else to the story, she felt her stomach begin to sink. “So. You said no. Now what?” she asked quietly, running a hand down his arm as she tried to wonder what else there could’ve been for him to do. They’d already talked about him having given up the club for good, surely there was no chance that he’d be interested in going back on that. 

No way. She had more faith in him than to believe he’d be so . . . so short sighted. 

“Well, Hux isn’t happy with that answer. Apparently there’s legal litigation. Paperwork that had already been drawn up before I’d finally pulled away from the club--. It’s . . . serious.” He chewed on the inside of his cheek, looking anywhere but at Rey, his thick fingers--fingers that had just recently made Rey scream--picked at the nonexistent lint on his bed. 

Legal litigation? About what? She stewed in her curiosity, determined not to push Ben too quickly, or too far, but she burned to know. The hand that she had run down his arm now moved to his back, rubbing in slow circles as he breathed deeply through his nose, as though he was trying to calm down from something she couldn’t see. As though the weight of Snoke’s ghost weighed heavily on his chest, and even without the man present, he still couldn’t breathe. 

Couldn’t Rey relate to that? The past offered nothing to her but pain and loneliness, and for Ben she thought it held the same lack of appeal, causing him to curl in on himself even as she tried to physically intimate to him that he wasn’t alone. 

He didn’t have to go through this alone, not anymore. 

When he finally breathed a little lighter, she took that as a sign to press on. Just a little. She could be patient, certainly, but if he wasn’t going to say anything unless prompted, they would be there for hours. “So. Your mother knows a lawyer or two, I’m sure.” She would have to, Rey was almost positive, given all the legal paperwork that Rey herself had had to sign before even getting started. It would make sense for them to keep one in house, really. “Why don’t you have her call them up and get them to look at what’s going on? Don’t bother with it anymore. He’s not worth your time, especially not now.” 

None of them were, not really. 

He looked up at her, and for the first time since she’d known him, she saw fear shining back at her through his eyes. It very nearly stopped her heart beating in her chest, stealing her breath until she thought her lungs might combust with pressure. This was a man who’d brought her to the very precipice of emotion, of sensation, who’d taught her the depths of pleasure and pain could be explored. 

This was a man who’d seen a great many more things than Rey had, who’d  _ done  _ more than she ever hoped to. And this man, this brick house of a man, was scared. 

She had to fight off a chill. “What is it?” 

“I . . . I don’t know that I want anyone else to look at it. Not--not even you, Rey. Please don’t take offense to that. But it doesn’t show me in my best light. I need to go back, I need to reckon with it on my own, but I can’t have you getting involved.” 

Oh. Oh she didn’t like that. Her brow set, she sat up a little straighter, pulling her hand away from his back. “Excuse me?” 

“I can’t have you coming with me.” 

“Why not?” 

He sighed, exasperated. She didn’t care. “Didn’t you listen to anything I just said?” 

“Yeah. And?” 

He just stared at her, incredulous. Rey refused to break his gaze, staring right back at him, as determined--if not more so--than he was to keep this up. “Rey, this isn’t something I can have help on.” 

“Bold of you to assume I’m going there because I want to help. I’m going with you to make sure they don’t get their claws into you once again.” She felt her spine grow a little more stiff, holding herself up to her tallest height, even seated as she was. Her hands fisted on her legs, nails digging into her skin, and Ben shook his head with a deep sigh. 

“That’s helping. I can’t have you along. This is something I’ve got to do myself.” 

She snarled, that answer getting right under her skin and lodging there, like a splinter. That sounded like an excuse, and she wasn’t cottening to it, not at all. “What could possibly be so bad that you refuse to let me go along? Did you already forget that I went there, I went with you to see what they were all about? I listened to what Luke said about Mara? If you think I’m just some child, or young girl, who you can try and protect by keeping me under wraps, it’s not going to go well for you--.” 

“I almost killed someone. In a scene.” 

Oh. 

Oh. 

She felt her heart stutter for the briefest of moments, certain that her face gave away the disbelief and shock at his words, her mouth falling open as she stared at him and watched his own expression crumple under the weight of hers. He buried his face into his hands, and she could hear his breathing starting to echo between his palms. 

He’d almost killed someone while at the First Order, and she was willing to bet that Hux had come to him with the knowledge, fully intending on using it against him to . . . . to what? Come back and take over, which Hux didn’t want? Or just to get him back in general because Ben was an asset? She could see that he’d be a draw--hadn’t she been similarly drawn in?--but certainly she didn’t think it’d be worth threatening or blackmailing to get him involved. 

Didn’t that go up against the whole need for consent? Not, she reminded herself, that First Order was ever really worried about that. 

She allowed herself a moment to process the news, allowed her brain a chance to try and work through the realities of the situation Ben had just laid out in front of her, before she reached over and wrapped her arms around him. It was awkward, to say the least, with her chest pressed up against where his hands cupped his face, but she fitted herself to remain there, to let him breathe deeply as she tried to convey some small sense of togetherness. 

“You don’t have to do this alone,” she muttered quietly, her lips brushing against his ear. “I . . . I recognize that this decision and this fight is one you want to have on your own. But Ben, you don’t have to.” 

“I’m a monster,” he muttered, the words broken against his palms. 

Yes. But weren’t they all? The world made monsters out of every man, and beasts of every woman. That didn’t make her love him any less. 

The thought was a staggering one, enough to almost make her draw away from him in shock that it’d passed through her brain at all. Love? Did she love him?--hadn’t it just been moments ago that she’d considered what they’d done making love?

Was that sort of relationship, their bond, even a possibility, given what they had done did, what she’d wanted their relationship to become? Their sort of pasttimes weren’t exactly Hallmark material, and what Rey wanted out of their him certainly wouldn’t be advertised in anything but the dirtiest, darkest of book sections. She thought back to Mara, to the difficulties Luke had faced in getting over her, how he’d struggled with letting her go, with seeing that she was too far gone to be saved. While she didn’t believe that about Ben, was she doomed to repeat the steps of her mentor if she continued down this eerily similar path? 

History didn’t repeat itself, it rhymed, she reminded herself. But that didn’t mean it would do the same this time. 

Ben pulled away once he’d caught his breath, his eyes red rimmed, but his vision clear. He took her hands in his and squeezed them, kissing her knuckles, as he shook his head. “I’m so very lucky to have you,” he murmured softly. “I don’t know how you haven’t run away screaming yet.” 

She wished her smile was stronger than it was, but she hardly had the energy to try any more than she already was. “I just . . . I don’t want you to be alone in all this, but I can’t be of much help if you don’t fill me in on what happened. You know?” 

He nodded, his expression pensive, as he brought his hands to wipe his eyes clear, teeth coming out to worry at his bottom lip. Rey could hardly breathe, wondering what would happen as soon as the other shoe dropped. What was to come. 

It wouldn’t be easy, that much was certain. 

“When I worked under Snoke I didn’t entirely understand the point of safe words,” he admitted after a moment. “They seemed superfluous to me. After all, the relationship is supposed to be one of trust, isn’t it? I reasoned then that if the submissive trusted me, then surely it made sense that I knew what they could and couldn’t take. For the most part, I think it happened like that. I say I think because . . . because it wasn’t as though I asked. Or cared. After care was for the weak who liked to pretend that they were hardcore and in to BDSM. I didn’t understand why everyone else seemed to make such a fuss about it. Snoke fed in to my beliefs. That was the type of club he wanted to foster, after all, and he only selected those who were  _ advanced _ , as he called it, enough to be part of it. The exclusivity was a heady thing.” 

Ben wet his lips, looking for a moment as though he was having a difficult time swallowing. “In my first trainings, before I was allowed to work by myself with a submissive, he had me join up with a group of others that were . . . supposed to enhance my understanding of the subject. They were more or less living practice dolls, as was I to them. We called ourselves the Knights of Ren, because the name made us seem like we knew what we were doing, at the very least, and those first couple months were different. I didn’t have a book-based education about the community, you see. All I knew was what I’d seen, what I’d managed to glean, and now what the other Knights were teaching me, and what I was teaching them. We took different names, and I became Kylo Ren. I didn’t want to be associated with my family or their legacy. Didn’t want to be looked at as just another rich kid with too much time on his hands. 

“When we were given our first assignment, once Snoke’s appreciation and trust was won, it went rather smoothly, all things considered. No one passed out. No one called the police, though that wouldn’t have mattered. We were legally protected, and bound as well to the club. The two girls that had volunteered limped out in tears, but to all of us, we’d done what we were supposed to do. It didn’t matter that they never came back; to Snoke, we’d done everything to the letter.” 

Rey felt her stomach starting to tighten up, certain that this . . . this might be too much for her to hear about. This might just be the breaking point that she didn’t know she had, but the remorse on his face was what shattered her heart. The regret. He was just a kid, after all. Didn’t they all make foolish mistakes at 18 years old? 

Hell, she’d run away from her foster father, jacked and sold cars to make a profit enough to sustain herself before she got her shit together at 18. It was a miracle she’d done well enough in school to allow herself to go to college. A miracle she’d lived to see this side of her twenties. 

Ben twisted the corner of the blanket he was laying on, pulling it further and further until it grew almost too taut. Rey covered his hand with her own and squeezed. 

“We thought we were untouchable. That what we were doing--that this was the way to enlightenment, which sounds like horseshit of course. Of course it does. But that was what we thought we were doing, was finding our true direction and path. What did our jobs matter when there was absolute peace and serenity during a scene? When we could exert absolute power and control over at least one thing in our lives?” 

He wet his lips. “I kept on like this for years, Rey. Years, letting Snoke teach me the very worst parts of myself, letting him goad me into rages that I would take out on those around me. On my submissives. The guilt would gnaw at my conscious, and he’d use that to fuel my determination for the next time. My emotion was my weakness, but it was one he could exploit, and so would never stop using it. I know that now.” 

He stopped pulling at the blanket, and turned his hand over to intertwine their fingers. “Of course, everything went too, too far. The girl in question wasn’t entirely new to the scene, but she hadn’t ever been to the First Order before, so she didn’t quite know how we did things. Didn’t understand her place in the grand scheme of the evening, when Snoke had offered her a prime position on the floor for one of our larger exhibitions. I didn’t find out until later that a month ago she’d insulted Snoke by refusing to be his submissive. So, to punish her, he paired her with me, his volatile, strong, pathetic apprentice, and told me that she’d signed up for the . . . very worst of scenes. That she wanted to see how strong I could be, because I looked weak. He preyed upon every last one of my doubts, my fears, about never being enough, never stepping out of the shadows--.” Ben shook his head, and Rey brought his hands to her mouth to kiss the back of them, feeling his pulse grow steadier and steadier, but also quicker. 

“Hosnia passed out when it became too much, her body unable to take much more, but he--Snoke wouldn’t let me stop. Kept telling me to go harder, to try to wake her up, that she’d been so disappointed she’d fallen asleep. So I didn’t stop. And she didn’t wake back up. I knew, I knew in the back of my mind, Rey, but it was like I didn’t have control over what I was doing. All I could hear was  _ him _ , and before I knew it--.” He broke off, shaking his head, and didn’t seem to have it in him to go back on. Rey felt her heart threaten to give out, but continued to hold him close. He wet his lips after a minute, pulling away just for a moment to wipe his eyes, before looking up at her. “The doctors discovery said there was more at play, that there were drugs in her bloodstream that had caused her to get too light headed and pass out, and that she’d not been able to recover in the way that a body normally would--. I’d seen Snoke giving her drinks before, I can remember that, and I’d heard Hux talking about passing on a message to those who said  _ no _ to the First Order. But I can’t help but feel--it was me. It was my fault, and I looked into Snoke’s eyes the entire time I did it, hating myself for not having the strength to stand up to him. So when I found out she’d--. That I’d been the catalyst to her demise, that her family had had to take her away to recover from what happened, I ran to my mother, like the scared, pathetic, little boy I was. I begged her to help me, and she did.” 

Rey felt the tears hit her skin before she saw him crying or heard him sniffle, trying to pull himself together yet again. She wished he’d stop, wished he’d stop trying to hide his emotions from her when she so desperately wanted to see that he was just as human as she was. It didn’t always feel like it, and even with his story out in the open, it all felt too surreal. Too grand of a story to be told so casually between them. Just an hour or so ago and she’d been coming harder than she had in her whole life. Now? 

Moving slowly, she crawled into his lap and wrapped herself around him, legs around his waist, arms around his shoulders, and buried her face in his neck. He let her, folding himself against her as he eased on to his side, and let her hold him. 

“I’m not leaving you, Ben,” she murmured softly when his beating heart calmed down ever so slightly and his breathing began to even out. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for you. I’m just as much yours, as you are mine.” And she took care of what was hers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER ALERT/CHAPTER WARNINGS: 
> 
> In this chapter, Ben opens up about his past with the First Order, including sexual and emotional manipulation and abuse. He alludes to the fact that he, and others dubbed the Knights of Ren, dehumanized one another through sexual acts in training, injured two women in the process and ignored safety and consent issues whilst engaging in sexual acts of dominance and submission. He explains how he took a scene with a submissive, Hosnia, too far at Snoke's goading, severely injuring her. It is also implied that Snoke drugged her, causing her to lose consciousness, through which Ben continued his act at Snoke's demand. The injuries are implicated to be serious enough to warrant doctor's attention, and that Hosnia was taken away to recover by her parents. Furthermore, it is implied that Leia helped Ben to avoid prosecution for his place/part in this act, and that Snoke had legally bound those who may have been uncomfortable or injured from speaking about it.
> 
> \--
> 
> Shout out to Vee, for talking me through this and helping me fine tune the chapter on the whole. This confession is something I've had planned since the beginning, and though now it's morphed, I'm excited for where it means our characterization will be going.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sings* I don't like this chapterrrr, but it has to get written!
> 
> Hello, and welcome to another update. Thank you all so, so much for your insights on the last chapter, I really appreciate all of the time spent on your comments and that you read it at all. I feel as though this story has gotten marginally darker than what it started out as, even though as I said the previous chapter was one of the very first plot points . . . and it's about BDSM.   
> But yeah.   
> Anywho, full disclosure, I don't like this chapter. It's one that needs to happen, because Reasons that have to do with Plot, but I feel as though there's far too much plot and not enough smut to balance it . . . so I'll try to work on that for the next update. I've literally sat on this chapter for two . . . three weeks? Don't hate me. It just hasn't felt right the whole while, so I've been editing here and there, trying to make it fit better, but as you can tell, I'm still not happy.   
> Oh well. Gotta let go sometimes, right? 
> 
> Thanks again for reading, for taking the time to comment, and for being amazing, wonderful beings in total. You're all fantastic, and while I intend to at least TRY and update before the holidays, if I don't get a chance to, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday.

Rey insisted on going with him to the meeting. If he was going to throw himself back to the wolves, even if for a short period of time, she wanted to be present. She wanted to glower at Hux for having brought it all to light, and yet she couldn’t deny a sense of gratitude towards the man for his . . . methods.

Would Ben have told her if he hadn’t been prompted, if it hadn’t almost cost him Rey in the end? She liked to think so, but she wasn’t delusional. She could understand, perhaps better than most others, why there were some secrets you kept tucked just behind your heart, nestled deep within your rib cage, so that no one could wriggle it out. She liked to think that in time Ben might have come clean, but would she ever? 

And could she blame  _him_  if she didn’t? 

They picked a neutral spot to have dinner, as though it were a business meeting. Ben’s hand held Rey’s, her thumb rubbing slowly at the back of his hand as they waited for Hux to arrive. Ben warned her that Phasma would likely be with him, and Rey felt her insides clench at the memory of what that woman could do when she put her mind to it. She was referred to by her submissives as Captain, according to Ben, and Rey could understand why. She posed a formidable figure, that was certain. One that Rey didn’t want to get in the way of unless absolutely necessary.

For Ben, however, she’d do what she had to. That was necessary. He was necessary to her, she knew that now, just as she was certain he felt the same about her.

“Well then. I didn’t know it was bring a pet day,” came a cold, snide voice as the both of them looked up to see Hux sneering from where he stood. “Still without a collar. You’re losing your touch, Ren. Or else she’s not--.”

“Shut your mouth, or I’ll shut it for you,” Ben snapped, already making to get to his feet if Rey didn’t keep him down and in his seat. She was touched, truly, but Hux wasn’t worth getting in serious trouble over.

“Now now, children.” Phasma came to stand just at Hux’s other side, her own thin lips pulled upwards in what could only be described as a smirk. “Mommy’s here, and it’s time for you both to get along. Rey.” She dipped her head in acknowledgement, and Rey mirrored the action against her better judgement.

How did she know her name? The last thing she wanted was the Captain to know anything about her, let alone what to call her. Let alone any other important information. Was it Ben who’d told her when they were sitting down before?

“Relax, Ben,” Rey hummed quietly, kissing the back of his hand. “I’m right here.”

That did seem to loosen his shoulders, and even the furrow that had started in his brow relaxed a little. Good. She rubbed the back of his hand again, and Hux snorted from across the table in their secluded corner of the restaurant.

The last thing they wanted was to be overheard, and if they weren’t going to some place loud, secretive would have to do.

“So,” Hux said after they’d ordered and received drinks, no one having bothered to waste their breath until then. “You’ve considered our proposition, then. You’ll be coming back, Kylo.”

Ben’s shoulders straightened, and he shook his head. “No. I told you already I’m never going back to the First Order, in any sort of capacity. Certainly not like that. It was a mistake going there at all, letting Snoke come anywhere near me, and it won’t happen again. Really, it’d just be easier if you banned me from the whole place.”

“Would that I could.” Hux swirled the contents of his wine glass a couple times, and Rey fought not to let herself be hypnotized by the wine’s movement, the way it clung to the glass and sluggishly drained back to the rest of the body, before repeating the motion over, and over again. God, if she couldn’t relate to that sensation. The bitterness in Hux’s next words were what broke her concentration. “Unfortunately, Snoke’s instructions were specific. He named you his heir apparent, as it were, and the instructions for your refusal were even more demanding.”

Ben’s jaw tightened, and Rey had the strongest urge to run her fingers across it, to kiss where she saw the muscle in his cheek jumping to try and calm him down. “And what were his instructions if I did?” he asked, words clipped and tight as Rey busied her hands instead with dragging the tips of her fingers slowly up and down the inside of his arm under the table, trying to draw his attention away from his anger, and grounding him with the sensation.

“That the club itself was to be demolished. That it would be useless, and unfixable, without you at the helm and therefore must be abolished and destroyed. Consider that, Ren. You know how many members we have, how many people depend on this club for their ahh, particular vices. Could you imagine the chaos that would come with it closing? Not to mention the publicity, the sudden overflow of those who are looking for a specific . . . fix. Where else will they go to find it, if not the First Order?”

That wasn’t a situation Rey wanted to think about. That those people would be looking for their certain sort of BDSM elsewhere, in other communities, with other partners who perhaps weren’t as well versed or understanding. After all, she’d hardly known anything about kinks and safe words and hard and soft limits before she saw Leia’s crew, before she met with Luke. Rudimentary knowledge wouldn’t be enough. Phasma leaned back in her seat, steel blue eyes tracing Rey's as they moved, a scientist curious about the behavior of a new species she’d only just discovered. 

Rey’s fingers stopped on Ben’s arm, and he moved to take her hand in his instead. She wet her lips and took advantage of the silence that grew between the four of them. “Why not just let it do that? Let it collapse, go down, then create one all your own, Hux? Phasma? A new order. One with your face on it, rather than old man Snoke’s. It’s a much better emblem.” 

For a moment, Hux’s features shifted, and it was as though Rey was peeking under the blanket at his true feelings. Anger, humiliation, irritation. Phasma’s eyes widened at the proposal, before she grew rigid as well. Hux’s emotions vanished as he composed himself seconds later, blue eyes dark as they regarded the pair in front of him. If he could have visibly shook them off, he would’ve as though they were a pair of pesky insects that just wouldn’t unlatch. Rey couldn’t say she thought much higher about he and Phasma, truthfully. At least Ben was working on his . . . past. These two seemed to relish in it. 

“We all signed clauses in our contracts that prohibit such an action. I am no more able to create a space of my own, and poach First Order members to it, than Phasma can. Or you. Besides, I have no desire to lead a party of degenerates such as those who frequent our club.”

Rey barely kept from scoffing. Right. Somehow that didn’t fit. If that was the case, abolishing it would have been his best bet. Something didn’t sit right. “What do you want, Hux?”

All three of them turned to look at her, as though surprised that she could even speak. Rey felt her ears begin to burn from the attention, the combined eyes of both Hux, Phasma, and Ben on her more than enough to make her feel self conscious, but it was a fair question. He’d come right out with what Snoke wanted, but as for what he was looking for, well. Rey didn’t appreciate his vague attitude, not when it so directly impacted her. Regardless of how she felt about him, she knew that staying with Ben if he ever returned to First Order would be impossible, and she just wasn’t ready to give him up. Not yet.

Hux wet his lips, surveying her with an almost curious look in his eyes as he leaned ever so slightly closer. He looked, how she imagined, a scientist might seem to the newest specimen they were studying: intent, with laser sharp precision and focus. She, however, wasn’t his new pet project. She wasn’t something for him to study, and so scowled and waved her hand in front of his face. “Hey. Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” he asked, though his expression didn’t change.

“Stare at me like I’m some sort of lab experiment you just can’t get a grip on. I’m not.”

Hux actually smiled, and for once Rey didn’t prefer that to the usual sneer that twisted his features.  “Your pet hasn’t learned how to speak to those who would rule her.” 

Rey’s lips pulled back into a snarl. “Bold of you to let it cross your mind you could ever handle me.” 

Hux’s laugh couldn’t be called cheery or kind in any sort of capacity, and Rey had to fight not to shudder. “Well then, since we’re asking for honesty, what I want? Is to never see either of you again. I don’t want either of you to ever show your faces back at First Order for as long as it survives, because you two? Are terrible for business.  _Terrible_. I’m sick to my stomach just looking at how . . . happy you two are.” He sat back in his chair. “But it’s not about what I want.”

Somehow Rey didn’t entirely buy that. Why else would he have dragged them out into the day if there wasn’t some sort of loophole he was hoping to extort. She just had to find it before he did. “It could be.” 

No one spoke as her words hung heavy in the air, hardly anyone daring to breathe as they mulled over her words, at their possibility. Slowly, Phasma stood and looked to Hux. “It’s best that I’m not here for this,” she muttered in a voice soft enough to say she was aiming to ensure no one else heard. Rey wasn’t that far away, though. “This isn’t any of my business from here on out.” 

Hux waited until she was out of ear shot, watching her tall form cut easily through the tables and patrons of the restaurant, before he brought his eyes back to Rey. They narrowed into slits. “How, child, do you think any of this is what I want?”

Rey felt her skin crawl, and her back straightened as she held his gaze. She wasn’t going to back down, no chance in hell. She’d make Ben happy that he’d brought her in with him. “It could be entirely what you want, so long as you shred Snoke’s will. Burn it. Who’s executing it after all, you? Have the lawyers even gotten involved, or were you waiting until Ben refused you again to contact them?”

His lips pursed, pressing into such a thin line that she wondered whether they’d disappear entirely. She half expected him to shrivel up entirely then and there, as though possessed by the ghost of the man haunting their every conversation (she’d done her fair share of research on the illusive son of a bitch hell bent on destroying everyone’s lives, and  _ugh_.) Ben was still beside her, and she wondered whether he was holding his breath given that not even his shoulders seemed to move. At this moment, however, she didn’t have eyes for anyone except Hux. Hux, whose fingers had started drumming on the edge of the table, who’s eyes had twitched just slightly, just enough to let her know that he was still considering it, when he stood up without warning. Ben nearly jumped out of his skin.

“You can cover my tab,” he said to Ben, without so much as a glance towards Rey. “You owe me. Never forget that, and if I go to jail you can bet your ass I’ll sell both of your names to whomever it is sending me there.”

Without giving them a chance to respond, he took off, pulling his coat over his shoulders as he sauntered away. He didn’t bother glancing back at them, as though knowing they were both watching, before he disappeared.

Right. Rey let herself breathe a sigh of relief, as Ben relaxed marginally beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist. He pressed his lips against her throat, and she could feel him start to shake ever so slightly. “I can’t believe it was that easy. I never thought I’d see the day he bent—.”

“So long as you phrase it like you’re giving him what he actually wants I’m sure you could get away with just about anything,” Rey muttered. Ben looked at her, almost surprised to have heard her say such a thing, and Rey felt her cheeks grow  warm. It was one of the best lessons she’d learned while living on her own. She’d gotten so much more accomplished if she only pretended that her wants were in line with those around her. Was it her fault for having figured out the system? She certainly didn’t think so. 

“You’re full of surprises,” Ben admitted around a small smile that made his eyes soften, before he leaned in to kiss her forehead. “Why don’t we get out of here?” he asked, summoning the waiter with a hand in the air to get his attention and grab their bill. 

Rey couldn’t help but pout. “And if I want dessert?” 

Ben’s hand faltered, lowering slightly as he blinked owlishly down at her, surprised at the way her bottom lip puckered slightly, how her eyes grew wider and more doe-like as she blinked up at him. He still looked lost for words even as their waiter came up to take Hux’s plate out of the way, asking pointedly if they were ready for the bill. 

“Almost.” Ben turned his attention to Rey. “My girl here would like dessert, though. Tell him what you want, sweetheart.” His arm dropped down and wrapped around her waist, holding her fast to him, hand tight and reassuring where it rested on her hip. 

Rey nestled closer, pulling the dessert menu closer, before grinning up at their server. “I’ll take one of everything.” 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahah. Well, long time no see, huh?   
> Hope you've all had wonderful, stress-free holidays and are enjoying your new year so far! Thank you, as ever, for all of your continued patience and interest in this story. I hope to be worthy of your time and your dedication.   
> Any mistakes are mine and mine alone, as ever.

The next day brought with it a request for Rey’s company as Leia went on a walk, as long as she didn’t have other obligations that would prevent her from going. When she’d gotten the text she’d already been curled up in Ben’s arms, content, halfway to falling asleep in spite of the thriller they’d put on (and got distracted halfway through), but the words had snapped Rey out of the calm comfort of their evening. 

“What do you think she wants?” she asked, looking up at Ben, as though she could divine the truth from the way his brows started to pull together, then relaxed. 

“To talk, so her text says. I’m not the best at deciphering what my mother wants. I’d have gotten away with way more as a kid if I was.” 

That hadn’t brought her any ease, but it wasn’t as though Rey had a good reason to say no. Besides, it could have just been a friendly invitation. She was becoming a regular participant in their club, after all, and they hadn’t actually had a talk in  some time. Certainly not since the more recent revelations. 

Ben dropped her off so she wouldn’t have to get up at the asscrack of dawn to take the bus. Raddus Park stood just a half block from the Skywalker manner, and was nearly abandoned in the chill of the morning. Rey’s breath came in quick pants, steaming the air in front of her, as she smiled while Leia made her way towards her, wrapped in the coziest shawl Rey had ever seen. She looked every inch of her a queen, hair piled delicately atop her head, her gaze bright and eager, the color high in her cheeks. Her eyes, Rey could never unsee, were the exact same shape and shade as Luke’s, and for the briefest of moments, Rey thought she was staring back into the eyes that had taught her everything she knew about submission, control, and a willingness to serve. 

She shivered in a way that had nothing to do with the chilly morning, but forced her shoulders to relax as Leia took her hands and squeezed. “Thanks for meeting me. I try to start my days off with a quick walk; keeps me from sinking into the same mood for too long.” 

“Anytime,” Rey promised, waiting for Leia to lead the way, following just behind her. The woman was spry, her pace quick enough that it had Rey’s cheeks flushed in no time. Okay, so maybe getting dicked down deep and twisted into all sorts of different positions didn’t count as the best form of exercise, but dammit, Rey hadn’t considered herself this out of shape. Maybe a little extra cardio wouldn’t hurt her. 

Of course, there were always other, more specific, ways that she could work at getting more cardio, than taking a walk first thing in the morning.  Forcing herself to get her mind out of the gutter as much as possible, she focused instead on keeping up with Leia, doing her best not to let on just how hard she was breathing as she worked to stay in stride. This woman took power walking to the whole next level. 

“I heard you’ve officially given yourself up as Luke’s submissive.” 

Ah, yes. That. Of course Leia would know all about that, Luke not only being her brother but also Rey’s purported teacher. “Yep.” 

“And you’ve taken my son on as a dominant instead. You’re a bright woman. I bet by now you know his history.” 

What in the hell could Rey say to that? “Yep.” 

“And you trust him, despite knowing all of it. Despite knowing what he’s done, what I’ve had to cover up. Because if you don’t trust him, this’ll never work.”

“Yep.” 

“My girl. You do realize what that means, don’t you? You have more sense than most people twice your age, I know you didn’t fall for a pair of pretty eyes and nice muscles.” 

Leia looked back at her, and Rey couldn’t quite make out the expression that was leveled at her. She was far better at hiding her emotions than her son was, though perhaps she’d had more experience in it. That thought didn’t necessarily put Rey’s mind at ease, but at least there was no open judgement or hostility on Leia’s face. Rey didn’t think she’d be able to handle it if there was. 

“I do understand,” she assured her, forcing herself to sound more confident. “I . . . I’m wary, of course. And we’ve had a couple of instances already—.” 

Leia stopped and turned to face her, causing Rey to very nearly crash into the shorter woman. The air hung heavy with the implication in Rey’s words, and the corners of Leia’s lips turned down ever so slightly. Rey felt her cheeks flush. 

“You have.” 

“Yes.” Rey swallowed thickly. “And we’ve talked about it. And I think—I truly think that he’s able to change. That he can be a good dominant, so long as he’s got the right teacher.” 

The edges of Leia’s eyes crinkled together just slightly, and for the briefest of moments Rey felt about half an inch tall, brought low by the sheer shock at seeing Leia almost—almost angry. The heat was gone after another couple of seconds, but the residual memory brought goosebumps to Rey’s arms. 

“I don’t know that you’re the best judge of what a good dominant is, or isn’t, given that you gave up on your training.” 

Ouch. She had a point, and while her words weren’t laced with malice, just a simple, statement of fact, Rey felt the tips of her ears burn, felt the heat race down her throat as she tried to keep from looking down in embarrassment. Leia had a point, naturally, but was she always this savage when she made it? 

“I—Yes. Well, I didn’t give up. Luke and I just don’t see eye to eye. I’m not his wife.” 

“And I don’t want to have to worry about him harming someone else, or sending them to the hospital, because he went too far.” 

Rey spluttered. “There was more to it than just him not listening—.” 

Again, she felt about half an inch tall as Leia’s lips pursed. “I know, Rey. I know there was. I heard it from him, and the doctors who tested Hosnia’s blood. But I also had to look that girl’s parents in the eyes as I paid for their daughter’s rehabilitation so that they wouldn’t put my son in jail. I had to watch as she was being wheeled out to her car and taken away, far, far away, so that she could try to piece her life back together. I don’t want that for you. I don’t want that for anyone.” Leia’s head tipped up, and Rey swore she saw a glimmer—of tears?—in the corners of her eyes. “So you’ll understand that I’m not entirely sold on your belief that he’s reformed just like that. That he’s going to be able to be a good dominant. That he even has a place in all of this. I begged him to reconsider, to drop out of our community and just work . . . on being normal. For a time he tried, but he always allowed himself to be drawn back. There are more than enough instances I wondered just why I’d allowed it.” 

It was difficult to swallow, Rey found, with all of her uncertainty blocking her throat. She wanted to tell Leia that yes, she could swear that things would be different this time. That she could change him, teach him, help him follow in his mother’s footsteps and improve. That she alone was enough to help him become the man they all wanted him to be. 

But it wasn’t up to her to change him. It wasn’t up to her to take him by the hand and coddle him through it all. All she could do was guide him as best she knew how, navigate these new waters with him, and hope that in the end she wouldn’t be pulled under by her good intentions. Her hands fisted at her sides, then relaxed, as she hung her head slightly. 

“There’s good in him, though, Leia. You must’ve seen it, or else you wouldn’t have paid to—to take care of all that. Or else you wouldn’t have let him back in.” Her teeth worried at her bottom lip, Rey’s brain working in double time to try and come up with the right thing to say. There would be no assuaging Leia’s fears, not entirely. Not with what she’d lived through. “And I’m willing to work with him to find it.” 

“If you’re staying because he’s good in bed—.” 

Wow. Rey snorted, caught entirely off guard, as Leia cracked a small smile. 

“I—I mean. Ah.” 

“We’re talking about sex, dear girl. But more than that, we’re talking about safety. Trust. About surrendering yourself to someone that you know has your best interest at heart and in their mind. We can find someone who’s desires align with yours, who’s just as talented at fucking, if that’s why you’re staying with him.” 

“But it’s not. Not—not anymore, at least.”

She watched as Leia’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline, and Rey struggled not to swallow her next words. She needed to know. “Leia, in Snoke’s death, Ben was offered First Order on a damn silver plate. Hux and Phasma came to meet with Ben to tell him that he was named the heir to the—the establishment.” The word burned her tongue. Could they call it that? More like hell hole. Leia went very stiff in front of Rey, as though her bones were made of steel. Rey recognized the way her jaw went tight, rigid with tension. How many times had she seen Ben do the exact same thing? “And he turned them down. He turned them down the first time they came to ask, and he turned them down the second as well. He’s—he’s growing. He’s getting there. I truly believe it.” 

Leia still didn’t look as though she believed her, but after a moment of silence, she sighed and stepped closer to cup the side of Rey’s face. The tenderness of the moment wasn’t entirely lost on Rey, and she felt her stomach twist as Leia searched her eyes. 

“I hope you’re right. I know my son is gone, but hopefully this man he’s becoming . . . he’s worth your time and your trust.” 

Rey’s hand covered Leia’s and squeezed. “No one’s ever truly gone, Leia. I don’t believe that for a second.” 

 

 Ben was waiting for her by the time she got back, scrolling lazily on his phone, his head shooting up when Rey walked back through the door, pulling off the beanie she’d shoved over her ears to keep them warm. There was a moment, as she toed off her shoes and stepped back towards where he’d reclined on the couch, falling with ease onto the seat beside him, and letting him wrap his arm around her shoulders. 

Neither of them spoke as he pressed his lips to her temple. 

“Did she warn you to stay away from me?” he asked after a couple more minutes, Rey’s heartbeat filling the silence otherwise ringing in her ears. 

“Yes.” 

He wet his lips, arms tensing for the briefest of moments, before she leaned over to capture his chin, and pressed her mouth to his. It was soft, perhaps moreso than she was anticipating, but it felt right. Lazy, warm, like a late wake up on a sunny, Sunday midmorning. Like coming home and slipping into her sweatpants. 

 _Like coming home_. 

“I don’t think I could if I wanted to,” she admitted softly when they parted for air, Ben’s cheeks flushed, his eyes bright and lips swollen. 

When he pulled her closer for another go, tugging her onto his lap, she knew at least she wasn’t the only one. 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That awkward moment when you start rereading your fic to remind you of where you are, only to discover that the chapter you were so certain you were ready to publish had, already, been written in to your story. 
> 
> HAH.   
> So, this chapter is a rewrite of what I'd already thought I had finished, and I apologize for the errors I'm certain are in here. I've been feeling really out of sorts with this fic, and have been trying to reread it slowly to try and get my head back into the character development and plot because, if you've read anything of mine (save Opia, because that was a once in a lifetime type thing) I don't really plan my stories out? I just go with what feels natural and what comes to me.   
> Thank you all so much for reaching out to me on here, or through Tumblr, to inquire about this. I promise I haven't abandoned it, it's just been a rough patch over here. Thank you for your patience, your continued readership, and for not hating me for the wait time between updates.   
> There aren't words enough to express my gratitude and appreciation.

“So, how’s life in the legion of the dark?” 

Rey snorted into her margarita, her expression incredulous as she stared across the table at Poe, who’s eyes danced with mirth at his own joke, Rose and Finn both rolling their eyes. 

“You make her sound like she’s Batman or something,” Rose said with a snicker, already halfway into her second drink, her fingers tapping along to the music filtering through the speakers of the Cantina. “Or some super villain.” 

“Batman’s not a super villain,” Finn said as he looked over at her, brow pulled down tight as his lips parted. 

“Well, he’s not super, but the villain part is ambiguous,” Rose countered. 

“And how do you know I’m not Batman?” Rey asked with a giggle all her own, feeling her cheeks heat up as Poe’s head tipped back and he let loose a snort of laughter, followed shortly by Rose’s own giggle. 

“I mean,” Poe grinned. “You do wear a lot of black. And masks, right? Tell me at your club you all wear masks. Makes it soo mysterious.” He dragged out the last couple words, wriggling his eyebrows before nearly folding over his own drink. He’d forgone the tequila that evening, leaving the other three to split a their second pitcher while he’d opted for an old fashioned himself, the bourbon making him feel classy, he’d said. 

Really, Rey just thought he was just a bigger fan of Taylor Swift’s than he was willing to admit. 

“We only wear masks on some occasions. Not every time, sorry to disappoint you.” She fiddled with her straw, her margarita mostly water by now. Her head was spinning enough without the help of tequila, and so she’d slowed down to compensate for it. “But it’s going—it’s going really well, actually. I, ah. Ben and I are exclusive, now.” 

Poe’s expression turned curious as he sat up and leaned in. “Wait. You weren’t before? You were—what, a floater? A fill in?” 

Something like that. “Not for him, but just in general. You don’t have to be paired up with the same person for every scene, but I . . . really like him. And he seems to like me.” 

Rose slung an arm around Rey’s shoulder, squeezing. “Weren’t you with a chick before?” 

Again Rey’s cheeks grew warm, Rose’s words far louder than she’d anticipated. At least the music was loud enough to drown them mostly out. “Yeah. I was with a girl named Jess for my first time. She was really sweet.” 

Rose’s whistle was low. “Well, if I’d have known it was a place to pick up chicks—.”

The table dissolved into laughter, Rose loudest among them. Rey felt her heart lighten, looking around at her three best friends and allowing her shoulders to relax. They were still here, after all, drinks or not. They were still there with her, looking at her just the same as ever, without a shred of disdain or contempt. They hadn’t gone running from her, hadn’t left her. 

Maybe everything was going to turn out alright after all. 

“So, is there a marriage ceremony or something for you and your dom? Ben?” Finn asked as he poured himself yet another drink, Poe stopping him when the glass was halfway full with a knowing look that made Finn smile. 

Rey tipped her head to the side, the words ‘marriage’ and ‘dom’ not necessarily fitting together in her brain, but  _oh_ , if they did. If they did, and she didn’t have to worry about being alone again . . . . 

“I dunno. Marriage probably isn’t the right word. Binding . . . ceremony? Now that you and Ben are exclusively only seeing each other. Is there something to denote that if you guys keep it up?” 

Her mind flickered back to when she’d first met Hux, when he’d brought up the lack of a collar on her neck. When the doorman at the Corellian club had stared at her bare throat and Ben’s arm around her waist as though the two didn’t match up. She swallowed hard, her throat constricting as a lump formed and she chewed on the inside of her cheek to keep from thinking about how  _naked_ she felt, knowing that Ben had given other submissive's specific tokens to show that they were his—. 

“How would their vows even go?” Rose asked, words slightly slurring together as she licked at the salt still around the rim of her glass. “I do take you, to control and to manipulate, through pleasure and pain—.” 

“In chains and in leather and lace!” Poe supplied with a wide grin. 

“To be my lawfully assigned Submissive.” Finn turned Poe’s face towards his, attempting a look of seriousness that had Rey cackling. 

“Please,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Finn, everyone knows you’re about as submissive as they come. Poe’s the dom in your relationship.” 

They high-fived across the table while Finn looked affronted and Rose howled her laughter, face red and tears teasing the corners of her eyes. 

“You’re subby! Sub sub  _subby_!” Rose crowed, shutting up only when Finn stood up so quickly that he very nearly tipped over their drink, and Maz popped out of nowhere to chide them for scaring away her patrons. 

 

When it got close to closing time, Rey sent a quick text to Ben, letting him know that she was ready to come home, and he responded seconds later with the promise that he was on his way, allowing her to pocket her phone and finish up the rest of her water, their margaritas long since gone. Finn was swaying gently to the song, nothing Rey could really understand, but whether it was because it was in a different language, or it was the alcohol, she couldn’t quite tell. All she knew was that she was comfortable, warm. She’d be warmer once she was in bed with Ben snuggled up beside her, but this wasn’t bad, either. 

Rose leaned over and rested her head on Rey’s shoulder, eyes closed and breathing deep. “I’m really happy for you, Rey,” she said, words still too close together for Rey to really understand at first. “I’m glad—glad you’ve got someone. You deserve to be happy. And I know you don’t like being alone, but know—. You’re not alone. Ever. You’ve got us.” 

Oh. Rey’s chest tightened, and she turned her head to kiss the top of Rose’s hair, squeezing her eyes shut tight to keep herself from sobbing. She wasn’t strong enough to keep from being emotional when she was this deep down the tequila laced rabbit-hole, seeking out Rose’s hand and squeezing it tightly. 

“I couldn’t trust myself to do this if I didn’t have you all to back me up,” she whispered, voice hoarse and mangled by emotion. Rose squeezed her hand back, threading their fingers together, and the two simply sat, enjoying the peace of the moment as the Cantina slowly emptied around them. 

 

Ben came to pick her up what felt like minutes after she texted him, greeting Maz with a wave of his hand before he made a beeline towards where Rey and the others were crooning along to the Spanish cover of My Heart Will Go On. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him so bemused, and kissed him hard on the lips when he helped her to her feet, her arms wrapping around his neck to hold him in place. He didn’t fight her, but the tension of his fingers around her waist made her pull back with a shy smile. 

“Hello to you, too,” he murmured against her ear. “Remember the last time you decided you wanted to kiss me in a restaurant?”

Her lips curled upwards. “You mean when you told me to sit on your lap and be a good girl? How could I forget—that was  _your_ fault.” 

“Hardly, my mouthy little girl. Now, I say we get out of here before I bend you over the next available surface and  _really_ make Maz mad at me.” 

She waved goodbye to the others, Poe already having ordered them an Uber home, before allowing Ben to lace their fingers together so she could follow him out the door. 

 

They’d only just crawled into bed, Ben’s arms wrapped around her waist, his lips pressing slow kisses to Rey’s shoulder blades, when he murmured against her skin: “So. No tears. I take it your evening went well?” 

She smiled a little, content and still warm from the tequila, made all the more comfortable by the press of the man behind her to her backside. She could still taste his come on her tongue, her coming home blowjob enthusiastic, but messy to say the least. His reciprocation had been just as eager, having all but sucked the life out of her through her cunt, and now her heart felt lighter than it had in some time. 

“Yeah, it did. I’m never really sure how it’s gonna go when we start talking about us. Especially where Finn is concerned. But he seemed to take it in stride. It’s all his fault—.” She stretched the word over a yawn. “After all. That I was even there to witness it in the first place.” 

Ben hummed against her skin, lips pressed to the base of her neck, along the column of her spine. “I ought to send him flowers. Or a gift card, as a way of saying thanks.” 

Rey’s laugh made her whole body tremble, and she reached back to card her fingers through his hair, relaxing as he dragged a hand across her collarbone, then the curve of her throat. Her heart jumped at the contact. “Actually,” she murmured. “There was something that I was—that was brought up. Finn asked if there was a Dominant Submissive marriage. Thing. Now that you and I are kinda—matched?” 

Why did the word exclusive worry her so much? 

He didn’t answer immediately, Rey counting the spaces between his every breath, feeling her stomach grow tighter in his silence. Had she overstepped her boundaries, assumed too much? Was this more fleeting than she’d thought, and now he felt cornered? The tequila wasn’t doing her mind any favors, every scenario and explanation for his continued silence growing worse and worse. 

She’d only just opened her mouth to take back what she’d said, heart on the tip of her tongue, when he pressed his lips to the base of her neck. “I’m not so sure about a marriage ceremony, but ‘m sure we can think of something to signify us. There are quite a few knots I’d like to tie you up in.” 

She turned onto her other side, grinning up at him as he dipped down to kiss her, sharing their taste between them as her fears lessened and her shoulders relaxed. As her mind eased itself into a restful state and her eyes started to flutter shut, she felt his fingers stroke her neck gently, easing across it with slow, measured movements. She thought she saw his gaze move from her eyes, to her lips, then down to trace the trail of fire his fingers left on the soft skin of her throat, though past that Rey couldn’t tell, sleep dragging her down into its waiting arms. 


End file.
